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oil change
oil change the monty way
salad
fat guy discrimination
yellow vs white
handicap parking

boxers or briefs

JOKES
golf
dating advice
Greg tasered

Best of “Monty After Dark”




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Paul Keenan comedian

Here is a plug for my friend Paul Keenan.

A funny funny funny guy. Paul does all the local clubs and has been on comedy central and done some big headline shows.

Paul Keenan

Paul Keenan

If you get a chance to see his show, don’t miss it. he says he is an asian irishman. ( fat guy’s have squinty eyes ).

He does a sports review too. Here is a sample.

Paul’s website & Bio

Tiger woods wife poses nude

I cannot tell you how many times people have sent me that email of tiger woods wife nude.

I guess I always believed it. Why not. It looks like her and she was a model, and it was before they got married.

out of curiosity I checked Snopes.com  and it is in fact not true.

It is true that he cheated on her. So now the poor woman has her husband cheat on her and everybody in america thinks that they have seen her nude on an email. She deserves a HUGE alimony settlement.

I have to start checking the validity of the emails I pass on more often.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/risque/tigerwoods.asp

Maybe all those emails about Obama and the Clintons were not true.  Hmmm !!

I doubt it.

Europe is for woman

Some one explain to me what the fascination is.
Why is it that all woman want to go to Europe.
95% of all straight men could care less.
It is defiantly a chick thing.

Ireland and England are not Europe. They speak our language…. So they do not count. I do not want to go there either.

So what is the fascination for woman?
They don’t speak English. The signs are in another language.
the food sucks
the bathrooms suck
They do not like Americans. ( blame this on all the New yorkers that have ruined it for all the rest of us)
All you can do is look at old buildings and go to Museums.
Why wouldn’t you want to see America first? or go to the Caribbean?

I am not a woman, so I do not get it I guess.

Super Bowl 44 Wrap up

Some quick thoughts the morning after.

  • Good game
  • I care less every year.
  • no party. I watched it by myself
  • I had less squares this year.
  • I lost money on squares this year for the first time in awhile.
  • I hate super Bowl parties because of squares. That is all people talk about.
  • Thank You God! The colts and that irascible Peyton Manning did not win
  • Doritos had the best commercials second goes to Bud Light and third goes to Go Daddy.com
  • all the commercials were really pointed towards men. It was obvious.
  • Saints played the pats much tougher than the Colts did this year.
  • Patriots need a talent coordinator. They have the picks. They also need to shake the money out of Krafty Bob ( Montgomery Burns)
  • What a great time for the game 6:30 It was so nice to be over by 10:00
  • That onside kick was STUPID. It worked, but it was a worse decision than going for it on 4th and 2.
  • Does anybody watch the 8 hours of pre-game?
  • America the beautiful is 10 times better than the national anthem
  • is it me, or is the national anthem 30 seconds longer now?
  • Peyton manning is still better than Brady.  I would not give either 100 million dollars in 2 years. they are too old.  bad value.
  • I got sucked into watching ” under cover boss” After watching 147 ads over the last month I just had to.
  • Next year it will be Houston and Dallas  in Dallas. Write it down. The battle of Texas in Texas. The network will make sure of it.
  • The last thing. It was so nice not seeing 500 little kids in bright colored tee shirts jumping around the field at half time waving banners. Now they have to stop dragging out these old bands with their geriatric lead singers, who cannot sing anymore. The league is so afraid of having the black hip hoppers embarrass them, they are stuck with the retreads. Look for Tony Bennett or the rat Pack next year…

Be very specific what you ask for.

watch

The best Beef stroganoff recipe EVER!!!

Do you need a quick and easy recipe for a comfort food. Something that the kids will like and will stick to your ribs.

Try Joe lovely’s beef stroganoff recipe:

beefstroganoff

1 – 1.30 pounds of ground beef

1 large package of mushrooms – sliced is quicker

1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup

4 – 4 1/2 ounces of sour cream, (almost half of 8oz container)

1 bottle of ketchup – Heinz preferred

Soy Sauce

Worcestershire Sauce

Boil water for egg noodles.

Brown ground beef in large sauce pan; add Soy and Worcestershire to liking

Once brown, move to side of pan and add mushrooms. Sauté with Soy and

Worcestershire to liking.

Once browned, mix together than add can of Cream of Mushroom soup. Stir

Once mixed, add sour cream, mix, then add ketchup – squirt in.  If it looks to brown, you

Added to much ketchup so add more sour cream.  If to light, to much sour cream

Add ketchup.

If to thick, add a little, 1/8 can of soup, of water.

Serve over egg noodles

Stuff for sale- live like Monty for $1,000,000

I am tired of accumulating stuff!!!
I am going to try to get rid of a few things.

Things  I  have for sale:

  • 2000 Ford F-150 pickup truck. 4X4, automatic, 109,000 non commercial miles. great running truck. It has a few dents and bangs from the Craig years.
  • 2000 SeaRay Cruiser 34 feet long – an absolutely beautiful well equipped boat with all the fixings
  • Brunswick pool table- leather pockets,carved wooden legs, new felt, mint condition with sticks and all the accessories.
  • set of assorted golf clubs with a huge professional bag.

Price for ALL 4 – $100,000  or best offer.

This is a great value. You will not see this offer on QVC.  All items can be sold seperately.

No I am not broke or desperate. I am just tired of having things that I do not need any more.

I wish I could sell the pool ( with waterfall) but that comes with the house that is also for sale.

for $1,000,000 you get the house the pool and all the other aforementioned extras.

Good luck. You always wanted to live like Monty. Now here is your chance.

Monty

Pictures to follow

$1500.00   like new

$1500.00 like new

$2500.00  loaded

$2500.00 loaded

$99,000  or best offer " super loaded"

$99,000 or best offer " super loaded"

House $950,000   cash no broker no negotiation " a steel"

House $950,000 cash no broker no negotiation " a steal"

Wife " best offer"  DOG not for sale  he is "priceless"

Wife " best offer" DOG not for sale he is "priceless"

Big Televisions

What is up with the BIG TV”S?

People are putting 60 inch tv’s in rooms that are 8X8.
I do not know how they get them in the door.

Just because something fits in a room, does not mean it belongs in a room.

Have you ever driven down the street and you look into someone’s house and you can tell what they are watching? You cannot miss it.
You go by one house and the baseball game is on, then the next has American Idol on, then the next one is playing porn.

There ought to be a rule against having your TV faced out to the street for all to see.

Dog’s Vs Wives

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but certainly not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

YOU MAKE THE CALL!!!!!

Charles Cantwell Dumbaugh & James Holland

A couple of my Beacon Hill buddies get caught on camera by Bill Brett in the Globe.
You could write 4 books on the stories that these two guy’s could tell.
A couple of smart cookies, that figured out that bricks and mortar beat the stock market every time….

a pair that beats a full house!!!

a pair that beats a full house!!!

Super Bowl Bud Light ad…..

I won the lottery

No Shit I won. But, I did not want to tell Joanne.

I eventually sprung it on her.

I said to Joanne, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”

She says, “I would take half, then leave you.”

“Excellent”, I replied, “I won 12 bucks. Here’s $6, now get the fuck  out.”

Lottery winner

Lottery winner

Viet Nam Virtual Wall

Someone spent a lot of time on this and it is truly remarkable…………………………….

Someone sent me the link below which is a virtual wall of all those lost during the Viet Nam war with the names, bio’s and other information on our lost comrades. It is a very interesting link, and those  who served in that timeframe and lost friends or family can look them up on this site.  Pass it on to other veterans who you think would like this.

Viet Nam Virtual Wall

Look up your home town. I knew hundreds that went there, but thank God they all came home.

Chocolate Humor

chocolate humor

Jeans and casual day

Casual day is usually Friday in most work places.

Casual day means jeans. First of all lets get this straight. They are DUNGAREES !!!

The only reason I am not calling them dungarees is that the same people who cannot name the four Beatles will not know what I am talking about.

That is right 98.5% of ALL people under 35 cannot name the four Beatles. I promise you. Ask one of them. Any of them.

Back to “jeans”

I can promise you that in 100% of the time people will wear jeans on casual day instead of say kackies or something comfortable.

The thing that kills me is that when you ask them ( woman) why they are wearing jeans, they say because they are comfortable. This cannot be true. Almost any other pant I can think of is more comfortable than jeans. Think about it? and when it comes to woman, HELL!!! they cannot even get in them most of the time. I swear they are spray painted on. So comfort is not the right answer. They were made for working on the farm.

Which brings me to woman’s thongs.  Hmmm  they despise panties ( mom panties) because they crawl up their butt. So they wear a thong that is meant to be stuck up their butt. Hmm! does this make sense to ANYBODY??

And woman always say to men. You just do not understand me…   No Shit!!

tight jeans

jeans2

Importance of having the right colored bike seat

tori

Uncle John

Yesterday I got a visit from my favorite uncle. Uncle john said he would be a faithful reader of the minute if I posted his picture.

here it is:

unclejohn

Here is a photo of Uncle john and My Aunt tenikwa

unclejohn2

Best Golf Course South of Boston

Best Golf Course South Of Boston

Guess which it is?

Super Bowl

I do not really care. I will watch to see if I hit a square.

I am rooting for new orleans.
I am tired of the Colts and the Manning’s.

Peyton is better than Brady.

All the teams in the playoffs were better than the Pats. They all had more dynamic skill players.

I am glad the Jets lost.

I am even happier that the second biggest choker in football choked it up in the end the way i said he would. If it were not for drew Bledsoe, Brett favre would be the biggest gagger of all time, but we all know no one will ever touch Drew in that category. He would fall down at the site of an on rushing lineman. Or heave it in the air. What a pussy!

early prediction Colts 34 New Orleans 21

Psalm 2010

Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.
He has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.
I am glad I am American,
I am glad that I am free..
But I wish I was a dog …..
And Obama was a tree.