You know how much I like diner’s and comfort food.

I was out with Dale today and we were looking for a lunch spot. We went by the usuals. greek pizza places, the 99, d’angelo’s, big mac’s….And then i saw it. over the horizon The Town Sq Diner. I swerved and pulled into the municipal parking lot and made a beeline for what appeared to be a hotspot.

Just what I was looking for, stools, a newspaper rack, old timers hanging out, and a few fat guys. You know a place is good if they have fat guys there.

I was not disappointed. The menu featured specials and of course 24 hour eggs. They featured a fish seafood, but I was told it was off the menu do to the warm weather.

One of the days specials was Shepard’s pie. I saw two old broads eating it and it looked good, so I gave it a go. it was super and only $3.99. It came with a roll and butter, and I also got a side of onion rings. The rings were OK. I like them wafer thin one’s with the batter that flakes off. Dale had the fries which were very crisp and nicely done. I stole a few. You know my first rule in life??? “never reach over and just take another man’s fries off his plate without asking” That is a cardinal rule and a mortal sin in my religion ( fat guy church)

Anyway Dale had the tuna that was suggested by our waitress Candy. Candy was as sweet as her name might suggest. She was very attentive and hopefully she reads the blog.

Just a thought, who names their kid Candy? Do you think that is a nickname like Monty? The only other candies I have ever met were strippers. That is one of those names like summer, Mercedes, bambi, crystal and Tiffiny.

Anyway when you are in Norwood, the only place to stop 24/7 is the Town SQ Diner

Norwood Town Square Diner

164 Nahatan St., Norwood, MA, 02062

(781) 762-7085

**** 4 monty stars out of 5

We do not pay cash for anything anymore. We swipe. It is not like real money, it is like monopoly money.

You just swipe plastic and you have what you want. This is dangerous, very dangerous. You think you have money, but you do not.

Young people do not even carry cash anymore, they just swipe.

The part that really bothers me is how to swipe?

lets see, there are what four options:

Magnetic strip in and left

Magnetic strip in and right

Magnetic strip out and left or is that in, or is it out and right?

Ya see what I mean. I might be a little retarded, but if there are four options, why does it take me six times. It is like some one gives you a key ring with 6 keys on it, why do you have to try it 9 times before you get it.

The country is in a recession now because of one thing:

ATM’S are killing us. we are losing track of our money. What is wrong with going to the bank and cashing a check to get money. If we had to do it the old fashioned way, we would not spend as much money.

Did anyone ever take their hand and run it down your ass?  That is called the credit card swipe. Try it next time you are walking down the street and see someone with a nice butt. Give them the card swipe. Trust me they will like it!!!!!

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a
flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill
repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the
little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, “I want to have sex with
one of the women inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.”

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she
told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, ‘Do any of the
girls have any diseases?’ Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy
replied, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after
making it with Amber. So that’s the girl I want!”

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the
Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the
hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came
back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the
place with a disease, instead of one of the others?’

He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my
babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me
because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get
the disease that I just caught. When mom and dad get back, Dad will take
the babysitter home. On the way, he’ll jump her bones, and he’ll catch
the disease. Then when dad gets home from the babysitters, he and mom
will go to bed and have sex, and mom will catch it. In the morning when
dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with
mom and catch the disease, and he’s the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my
frog!”

I think I stand alone on this one. But I thought I would give my opinion about it anyway.

I hate bar napkins and coasters.

What use are they? do they really protect the bar? No!

Do they keep your drink from spillin? NO!

They are immediatly wet. Then when you pick up your drink, the thing sticks to the bottom.

I always seem to play with it. You know, I rip it right around the glass and form it to the bottom. it is just one more annoyance for someone with ADHD like me.

Coasters I break. While I am on the subject, I do not like stirrers either. Do you know anyone who has ever been to the 99 restaurant and not taken the 9 out of their stirrer and turned it over to make 69. That is so juvenile, but we have all done it.

Napkins basically only serve one purpose. you write notes and telephone numbers on them. If that is the case, they can just have scrap paper on the bar. Lots of big deals have been done on a cocktail napkin.

There are some cool napkin tricks:

trick #1

trick #2

trick #3

765 Bridge Street, Weymouth, MA
(781) 331-0303

I finally had a chance to go to a new restaurant in Weymouth. This just confirms my suspician that there is not a decent restaurant in Weymouth.

First off, i do not like Margarita’s, so i am fucked right off the bat. I asked for a expresso martini, and the bartender pulled out the book and came up with something God awful. next I had the old standby a Captain and coke. That was watered down and sucked too.

We were there to see off my friend Jon lewis who is moving out west. What would be more fitting than to take him to a Mexican place. He needs to get used to Beeners and beener food real quick. When he gets to mexico, or I mean California, that is all he is going to see.

I did not eat, so how can you do a restaurant review? Good question!

I just looked at that pile of refried crap that they were putting on those plates and that was enough to turn my stomach. What is with people? How in the world can they eat those jimmy chungas, and those Kay Sidia’s or worse a Fucking Burrito filled with baby poop. You cannot like it. No way! It has got to be a fad? I do not even think mexicans eat that garbage.

When you go into a chinese restaurant, you see Chinese people, when you go into a italian restaurant you see italians, hwn you go into an Indian restaurant, you see Indians, When you go into a bar, you see DRUNK IRISH people, BUT you never see a Mexican eating a chmney cha cha or whatever they are. The Mexicans scream over the border, jumping fences, or swimming across rivers, or lying in the trunk of a car and the first thing they do is get a friggin pizza. So why do we do it.

JUST stupid i guess.

DO NOT GO THERE!!!!!

http://www.margs.com/Margaritas%20Dinner%20Menu.pdf

Check out the gross menu

tell me if you agree?????

One of the biggest creeps in the world is Gene Simmons.

You know, that weird guy that was ” Kiss” he was absolutely a piece of shit no talent low life when he was screaming on stage in what the 60’s or the 70’s.

NOW! he shows up on TV all the time. He has that stupid haircut. That thing should be braided and stuffed up under a crothet hat like a Jamaican.

The man is lothesome. He needs to just go away. he is married to former soft porn star Shannon tweed. Who did not see her naked every night you turned on cinemax after 11:00. She was a former playboy model who was pretty hot. What does she see in that moron, except for a tounge that should be on a giraffe.

He just needs to drift off into the sunset and stop showing his ugly mug on the TV. he is a dirtball who thinks he is God’s gift to woman.

Gene Simmons…..JUST GO AWAY!!!!!

I have not written much lately, and certainly not any restaurant reviews. Here are a few places I have eaten lately with some quick comments:

Stars in Hingham:

I think this is way overrated, I do not like the food. The service is sketchy at best. Even the waitresses have that snobby Hingham attitude. There is almost no parking. The last time there Lisa had the worst hash EVER, and Mrs Monty had food poisoning and missed the Guess Who concert. My opinion, but the skippa loves the place ( go figure)

4 Otis St
Hingham, MA 02043
(781) 749-3200

Umbria:

I could not find a place without a 2 hour wait the other night in Boston, so I went off the beaten track and went to Umbria. Now I know why there was no wait.

That place sucked. The hostess was a BITCH, she made us wait until she was sure there were no VIP”s showing up, while she had plenty of seating. The Manager was an uppity piece of shit too.

Not only that all the people in the place had their head up their ass. What a shitty atmosphere.

We decided to eat at the bar. Why? because the ” flaming Gay” bartender was the nicest person in the place. ( is it me, or are gay guys some of the nicest people you meet?)

Anyway, we had little choice of food. The portions looked small and the food looked like shit, BUT we were hungry. I wanted to have the rib eye steak, BUT I was not going to pay $50.00 for a steak in that place. What I had sucked and what everyone else had sucked.

DO NOT GO THERE! EVER!!!

295 Franklin St
Boston, MA 02110
(617) 338-1000

Roasted Pig :

In the posh North End section of New Bedford. Good food with a portuguese flair. very nice with good service and table cloths: I had the short ribs, but could not get my eyes off of the suckling pig garnished with homemade chips on the plate of the guy next to me. Try the place .

98 Nash Rd
New Bedford, MA 02746
(508) 992-8267

Denly’s in Weymouth:

I spend a lot of time in Weymouth lately. Do you know that for one of the largest cities in Mass, that Weymouth does not have one good restaurant. Think about that? You cannot think about a city that does not have a signature restaurant. Weymouth is void of a decent place to eat. makes ya think. Anyway denly’s is the same as it was 45 years ago. The same booths and derilects are still there. The pizza is great, the service is good and you can dress like the biggest slob and no one will notice. I highly recommend a visit. It personifies ” the hole in the wall”

DENLY’S

25 Lake Street, East Weymouth, MA 02189
(781) 335-9882

East Bay Grille in Plymouth:

Ok eats, right on the harbor. Not very expensive, and someplace you would want on your list for someplace different. The weekends are hopping on the patio with a band. The place is also crawling with cougars.

That is enough for now. I will have some more thumbnails later. I am having dinner at margeritavilles in Weymouth tonight. another unforgettable Weymouth Bistro.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, ‘It’s golf balls’.

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked…

‘Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?’

This woman is looking for me!!

If you see her do not tell her where I am.

.

.

.

Two Red Necks, Don & Kenny, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Don turns to Kenny and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.” Kenny thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Don goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Don says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weed eater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife”

“Yes, I do have a wife.”

“And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.”

Excited to take the class now, Don shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Kenny at the bar. He tells Kenny about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

“Logic?” Kenny says, “What’s that?”

Don says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weed eater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re a queer.”

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent. The last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even one
drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to
lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug and deciding that no harm can
come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

“Nice boobs,” says the man, “where do you want the blinds?”

Something that has been bothering me for awhile is toilet seat position.

Why do we need to always pick up the seat? When I get up in the middle of the night to pee ( a malady of all old guys) It actually hurts my back to bend over. Why cant I just pee with the seat down. I do not, but in any case, if it is a man’s world ( ya right) then why can’t woman put the seat up when they are done?

I have to put my hand on the soiled toilet seat and bring it to the courtesy position.

Mrs Monty says I should put it up and than when i am done, I should put it back down. understandable, but then she thinks that I have not put it up in the first place. There lies the problem.

So what do I do? I like to just put the cover down also. This makes the woman also have to bend down to lift the seat.

I googled up seat lifters and people have come up with some ingenious shit, but they do not help me at all.

I actually wanted to install a urinal when i built my house, but there is some stupid code problems.

I have a good story for you. I know this guy that when he was married, he used to cheat on his wife. here is how he did it. he waited till the bitch ( his term) fell asleep, then he would sneek out to the girlfriends house ( she was apparently a sound sleeper) before he left, he would put the toilet seat up. If when he came home, the seat was down, he knew his wife had gotten up and known that he was gone. he would make up an excuse that he went out for the paper and milk. he always had those under his arms when he came back. My guess is that the whole scheme was flawed, because he is now divorced. But it did work for awhile.

I looked up info on this subject and   a bunch. I am going to share a little of what mr manners had to say.

Dear Mr. Manners
My wife tells me that good manners dictate that I should put down the toilet seat after I urinate. As you may know, men need the seat up. So if the seat is down when I go to urinate, I would have to lift the seat up and then put it back down again when I’m done – that’s a lot of work. On the other hand, women don’t need to do anything. Is this fair?
Signed – Suffering in San Fran Dear Suff,
There are three things to consider when answering this weighty question. Natural State Theory, Repercussions, and Aesthetics.

1. Natural State. What is the natural state of the toilet seat – up or down? Lets consider. For both of a woman’s bathroom going positions (please don’t make Mr. Manners get into details about this) the seat needs to be down. For one of men’s bathroom going positions, the seat is down, for the other it is up. So when you tally up this score card of toilet seat positions you find the seat is down 3 out of 4 times and up only 1 of 4. So clearly when considering Natural State Theory, the normal state of the toilet seat is down. Therefore the work of putting the seat up and down should be that of the man who is the one taking the toilet seat out of it’s natural state.

2.Repercussions. Let’s look at real world repercussions of a seat in the wrong position. If the seat is down when a man does his number-one duty, a dampened seat results. Unpleasant and certainly in poor manners, but not life threatening. If a woman goes to do her business and the seat is raised, she stands to get a dampened bottom or, worse yet, her bum stuck in the can. So again, when considering Repercussions, the seat should be down at all times to prevent the more serious of the repercussions.

3. Aesthetics. Please do not underestimate the importance of this area. It is the beauty of the world we see around us that helps us get through the day… at least for the gentle reader. A toilet seat in repose (i.e. down) has a finished, full, Rubenesque look that is pleasing to the eye and one’s sense of wholeness. A toilet seat that is up brings on feelings of brokeness and unfinishedness. Further, a toilet seat in repose tends to be cleaner. For it is when you lift the seat of a not vigorously maintained toilet that offensive splashes can be viewed. This is enough to ruin one’s day and sometimes not even a trip to the Louver can help restore one’s aesthetic state. So clearly the Aesthetic sense of the genteel reader calls for the seat to be down.

So, as the observant reader who doesn’t need a summary can tell, all three of our criteria – Natural State Theory, Repercussions, and Aesthetics – dictate that the toilet seat should be down. Plus it will keep your wife from getting all pissed off.
Thank you and good-manners to all.

another link:

A Male Economist’s Manifesto on the Toilet Seat Etiquette

I have waited too long to post this rant.

Why do people chew with their mouth open. From the time you are out of the womb, your mom has been telling you not to do it. Way too many people chomp away with their mouth open.

It is not hard to just keep your yap shut till you are done swallowing. Do you know why cows chew with their mouth open? Because their moms never told them no to.

Does this bother anyone else?

How about finger licking? bother you?

How about chin dribble? bother you? are you supposed to say something when someone has chin dribble? are you supposed to point? Is it the same rule as when someone has a booger in their nose, or their fly down? are you supposed to say something? What I use is the closeness factor. if I tell you that you have a hanging booger, or your fly is down, you know that you are one of monty’s best friends.

Back to lip smacking. Basically it is a rudimentary manner that any child or adult should conquer or have conquered.

Let’s talk about food that never makes the mouth. I think that this is OK. WHY do you ask? because I am the worlds biggest offender.

I cannot eat without spilling shit on me. I do not know why. A theory I have, is that I have a small mouth, or the early stages of Parkinson’s disease. Whatever it is, you can always tell what I just ate by checking my shirt or tie.

Why do you think that this affliction is mostly with fat people? My theory here is that it has a landing area. Big tits or a big belly are a safe landing zone for food. a skinny person just drops it in their napkined lap, or on the floor.

Theory two is that fat people are just shoveling it in too fast. My wife always says that I have a tongue like a conveyor belt.

What do you do when someone is talking to you and you get a food projectile that comes your way? Do you duck? do you say something? do you wipe it off? What if it lands on your plate? do not tell me that this has never happened.

Does it bother you when someone is eating on the other end of the phone?

Anyway if I am talking about you, keep your yap closed.

Do you want to talk about people that get in your personal space when they talk to you? or is that another rant? how close is too close? Maybe that subject needs more time.

Have you ever been to the islands? I am not talking about the Canary Islands, or the keys, OR even the Caribbean. I am talking about OUR islands.

The Boston Harbor islands. We have some of the most beautiful islands in the world right here in our own back yard.

There are 30 islands in Boston harbor. They are all now part of a National Park. They vary in size, shape, usage and history.

I have an Ariel overview of the islands I would like to show you.

I will try to identify some of the islands for you, and let you know a little history about them and what they are currently used for.

HISTORY:

The history of the Islands is as different as the islands themselves. The islands were first discovered by the English in who were touring the eastern seaboard. The islands were inhabited by the Native American Indians. The islands have been pivotal to the defense of Boston for many years including the revolutionary, civil and world wars.

There are three major forts on the harbor islands. One on Castle, Georges and Peddocks. Most all of the islands have housed gun and artillery over the years. Fort Warren on Georges island has served as a prison during the civil war housing confederate soldiers.

Let me tell you a little about some of the islands.

Georges Island

Georges sits at the entrance to Boston harbor and guards it from two separate entrances. As I mentioned, this is the former home to a civil war prison. This is probably the most visited of all the islands. The prisoners were made to eat lobster because they felt it was a scavenger and it was anything but a delicacy, as well as how abundant it was. If they were really bad they were tied to a pole on mix’s island, and when the tied came up in inundated them and they died from drowning.

Peddock’s Island

With over 200 acres, this is one of the largest islands. It has the most shoreline, and now has the most residents. Peddocks is the home of Fort Andrews; it was home to over 600 troops, who used it as a barracks and a training ground. It has its own photoelectric energy and houses many summer residences.

Spectacle Island

This island has a rich history; it used to serve as a incubation area for the people of Boston that contracted Small pox. It has served as a dump for years holding all of Boston’s garbage. Recently, it was filled in and made larger from the fill of the “big Dig”

It is now a beautiful park with miles of walking trails. Complete with a snack shack.

Deer Island

Not really an island anymore. They filled it in and it is now connected to the mainland. This islands history is highlighted by the internment of the native American Indians. They were sent there during the war just like the Japanese were in World War II. Many Indians died of starvation and disease; they still hold a vigil there every year to commemorate the ordeal. The island is now the home to one of the largest waste water treatment plants in the country.

The Brewster’s

A series of desolate islands. They are probably best known for housing the famous Boston Lighthouse which is located on little Brewster. Currently there is legislation to have large hideous looking LNG tanks to be erected on outer Brewster. There has been a big battle over the use of these tanks on a national landmark. It would certainly be an eyesore in the Boston Harbor.

Visitation

So how do you get to see these beautiful islands?

One, you can find someone with a boat like me that can take you out. There are islands where you can park for the day in a slip, or you can offload and moor outside the island and take a skiff in. or

Two, you can ferry from one of the many ferries. They leave from long wharf in Boston, the fore river shipyard and the Hingham shipyard. The fares are inexpensive, about $14.00 for an adult, and you can island hop for an additional $3.

Three, you can also access these close islands by small watercraft like a sea kayak, zodiac or wave runner.

Special notes: no dogs are allowed on the islands. You can camp overnight, with a special permit. The roads and paths are rugged, so strollers and roller blades would be difficult.

In closing, “ sometimes there are things right around the corner that are beautiful and worth investigating”

Hope to see you on the islands MON!!

I was just thinking? Well actually I am not thinking too well today. I was a little over served at hussy’s going away party last night in Auburn.

Anyway I was thinking.

WHY? do people do things? what motivates them to do stupid shit.

What am I talking about?

Danger!!! dangerous stuff that could kill you , or at least make you shit your pants.

Stuff like skydiving, bungee jumping, jumping off cliffs, or going on a 2000 foot roller coaster and free falling. Or worse taking a ride in a car with Donna prada. ( that is a rant for another day)

My wife at the ripe old age of 53 is going to go skydiving with my daughter. They are going to jump out of a perfectly good plane. Stupid!!!

What makes people want to do it? Is it a dare? Are they scared, but do not say it to anyone? Like the assholes that go swimming in the ocean in May and say come on in, it is not bad. You know they are freezing to death, but they do it anyway. ( shrinkage).

Roller Coasters. Hmm stand in line for 90 minutes to have the shit scared out of you?

Bungee jumping? the stupidest of all. Why would you jump off of a bridge tied by your ankle, to be yanked up inches from the ground. OMG!!! ( really really stupid)

Maybe I am just getting old, but I am out!!

There have been 282 skydiving fatalities lately:

Skydiving Fatalities

The Dropzone.com Skydiving Fatalities Database is maintained for educational purposes. It is an unofficial record of fatal skydiving accidents since January 1, 2004. Dropzone.com does not guarantee the accuracy of information or skydiving statistics posted here. Read the Terms of Use before you proceed.

Fatalities by Year

or

or

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A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed
his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking
chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from
the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in
the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with
nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,
“Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on,
and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.

Thursday night, I was out with the mrs. and the usual gang from the epicurean club.

We had dinner in Plymouth at the East Bay Grill.

That is where I met up with the ” Cougar Hunter”….

His name is Josh.

This is his picture………….

Josh ( it may be an alias) Prowls the bars of Plymouth and the South Shore for The late thirty something cougars. The hot momma’s that are out for a good time.

He and his wingman corey can pick em out of a crowd. They know the type. Desperate woman who are looking for a guy, a young guy, a guy that has stamina.

This is where Josh comes in.

He is a gregarious and loquaious life of the party guy, who throws around hundo’s like they are nothing more than a dollar to you and I.

In real life he is a 21 year old plasterer who lives in the room next to mom and dad, and who’s only suit is the one he wore to the prom last year. BUT to the unsuspecting desperate housewifes of the south shore, he is ” THE COUGAR HUNTER”

His victims Thursday were two unsuspecting insurance executives ( blonde, beautful, fit and ready for a good time) . They were at the bar to see the fireworks. Little did they know they would be going off ALL NIGHT.

I asked him how he did it and his only response was ” it’s a gift”

What a guy.

That was my run in with the ” Cougar Hunter”

Men want to be him, and woman want to be with him.

If you want to enjoy the fourth, do not drink a fifth on the third……….