Entries from September 2008 ↓

OXYMORON:

figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME????????

who the fuck would drive this buggy on wheels, unless you just want people to look at you.

I look at these people with pity.

What do you prefer?

  or           

I grew up as a pepsi kid, but when I went to a diet soda, I am a diet coke guy. I do not like diet pepsi at all. I actually like diet root beer better than both. Orange soda does not suck either on a hot day. You can have Dr Pepper that really sucks, and anything you put lime or lemon in sucks.

ENOUGH with the flavors.

Politics of choice:

McCain is Coca-Cola. As part of the incumbent party that has dominated the White House for the past fifty years, he is the real thing. He embodies courage, duty and honor. As part of a legendary Naval family McCain has a long history serving our country, his fighting in Vietnam and years spent as a  POW are legendary. His reputation has always been as a maverick. McCain’s strength is his experience. His weakness is that he has been around forever; he is not new and different.

Obama is Pepsi-Cola. Obama is the choice of a new generation. Pepsi said, “You don’t want to drink what your parents drank. You are the Pepsi Generation!” With a whole new taste and look, Pepsi stormed into the cola aisle just as Obama stormed onto the political stage. Obama is new, young, different and embodies the idea of change and hope. Obama’s strength is that he represents the choice of a new generation. His weakness is that not everybody wants a new generation to take over.

Take the poll and tell us what you like:

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SODA & SUGAR

IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT there is approx. 1 teaspoon of sugar per ounce of soda. So a 12 oz. can of Coke contains about 12 teaspoons of sugar. One teaspoon of sugar is about 16 calories. So a can of Coke has about 192 calories. If you drink a six-pac of Coke, you get about 1,152 calories! <>

Another way is to look at the label, which says that a 12-oz can of Coke has 140 calories. That means that the can has the equivalent of 9 teaspoons or 3 tablespoons of sugar. That’s still a lot!

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Post Mortem:

I had to post last week that maybe I was slightly wrong. I am not wrong about the long term prognosis for this team, and I was not wrong about this teams overall lack of talent.

What I was wrong about and duly noted was I said that team was losing its heart and its desire.

One week after the franchise went down in a heap, the team picked it up and sucked it up and went out and took it to the Jets. I was surprised that they had the heart to do it.

Fast forward one week later, with the same talent, and playing a team with one win in two seasons at home in front of their fans they stunk it up. They were on life support last week, and this week someone pulled the plug and they were gasping for air to stay alive.

It was pathetic and sickening to have to sit through it. I left just into the third quarter. I had a belly ache from my stomach turning over watching that sham on the field.

The vaunted defense was like swiss cheese. belicheck said it and i quote. ” we were out coached”

He said it after the super bowl ” we were outcoached”

Bill wake up this moribund team and start coaching again.

The problem is basic and understandable, they have been a winner for a long time and they just do not have it in them to do it again. I can understand that. It is human nature.

My problem is that I could deal with the ride up the mountain, but the ride down is going to be very painful.

Watching this team get old and not backfilling with talent on draft day is very much like watching Bird. Mchale and Parrish walk out the door. It is going to be a long time before we are back I am sorry to say.

Keep an eye on Moss, he was the first to give up when Brady went down. A quote from Moss, I do not want to be a team leader or spokesman. It is not my job to fire up the players. I lead by example.

Well #81  How about you start leading by example and block, and run oout routes, and not drop balls, and run after the catch and not go into a slide. That just might be the example the others are looking for.

For the record, i am done with the games this year. I will watch them if i am near a TV, but if I have something else to do, I am going to do it.

I like to post about my thoughts on holidays and significant dates.

I guess today is no different.

Today is my anniversary. My wife and I have been married for 29 years, and including the 4 years engaged, that is 33 years of commitment

You might ask me how?  The simple answer is, that she is either not very smart ( and i know she is one of the smartest woman I know) or she has lots and lots of patience to put up with my shit and shenanigans. There is a pathway to heaven for her after all these years with me.

On my part is is very simple: She is the most important person in my life, and I love her more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

I know this sappy hallmark greeting is out of character, and the mrs. never reads the monty minute, but this blog his not only home to jokes and porn, but it is a memoir of things in my life.

Happy anniversary   JOJO

I need to talk about passwords.

I used to have just one. It was for my bank card. That was easy to remember it was my phone #. ( not any more)  so leave my measly few dollars alone.

I had one combination to remember for my gym locker.

Life was simple!!!

BUT NOW. I am not lying, or exaggerating, I have over 35 passwords that I can think of. They are almost all different. I tried to put in a generic password and they are either taken, not excepted, too short or too long. so! I have to make up a new one.

Jesus Christ, now I cannot remember half of them. I always have to hit that ” I forgot My Password” button and have then email it to me. But half the time I cannot remember my password to my email account.  Oh ya I have 6 different email accounts too. I wish I had half that many bank accounts I would be rich… but what good would it do me, I could not remember the password to get into those bank accounts

Do you know what really pisses me off is the passwords that change every 20 days. OMG!!!  I cannot remember one, now I have to make new ones every 20 days

I am fucked!!

So I have a solution: I wrote down all my passwords on a piece of paper. I keep it where I can find it.

here lies the problem. So can everybody else, so what good is a password if everybody can find it.

I need a password to write in this blog, so I save it on my computer. But if I try to post in another computer I cannot remember the password to get in, because I have saved it and so I never use it.

Again I am screwed.

Am I alone here? how many passwords do you have?

here are a sampling of ones I need

work-7

frequent flliers 4

ebay, amazon,phone,ATM,amex,visa, laptop,blog,stocks,401k,espn,cbssporsline,wsex

Off the top of my head, that is just a few. Do you see where we are going here?

Here is some help:

How to Choose a Password

The password you choose can make it easy or hard for malicious people to gain access to your computer account or your password manager.

Bad Passwords

A password is bad when it is:

• Easy for humans or computers to guess.
• Hard for you to remember.

Good Passwords

A password is good when it is:

• Hard for humans or computers to guess.
• Easy for you to remember.

The single best method for generating passwords is to do the following:

1. Make up a sentence you can easily remember. Some examples:
   • I have two kids: Jack and Jill.
   • I like to eat Dave & Andy’s ice cream.
   • No, the capital of Wisconsin isn’t Cheeseopolis!
2. Now take the first letter of every word in the sentence, and include the punctuation. You can throw in extra punctuation, or turn numbers into digits for variety. The above sentences would become:
   • Ih2k:JaJ.
   • IlteD&A’ic.
   • N,tcoWi’C!

As you can see, the passwords generated by this method can be fairly secure, but are easy to remember if the sentence you pick is one that is easy for you to remember.

I hope this helps! I am always trying to help. GOD knows I need all the help I can get….

Monty

 A woman’s(steph) husband( jon) had been slipping in and out of a
   coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bed
   side every single day.  One day, he motioned for her to
   come nearer.  She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of
   tears, ‘You know what?  You have been with me all
   through the bad times.’

 ‘When I got fired, you were there to support me.
   When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot,
   you were by my side.  When we lost the house, you
   stayed right here.’

   ‘When my health started failing, you were still by
   my side…You know what?’

 ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her
   heart began to fill with warmth.

   ‘I think you’re bad luck, get the hell away
    from me.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau:9,000 people are fucking right now,2,000 are kissing.100 are getting head, and1 lonely fucker is reading the monty minute…………….You hang in there, Sunshine!

This one has got me befuddled.

This is the largest insurer in the world. They are diversified and they have strong capital posistions in most of  if not all of their subsidiary companies.

So what went wrong?

On the surface, it looks like it is the holding company that screwed up. They probably were given a directive from the board of directors to return 20% or 30% on their ROI and if not, you will lose your job. What do you think happened. Some rich prick making a 3,000,000 salary goes out and takes on all of these RISKY investments and gambles the companies money to get the R.O.I.

As any Insurance company knows, when you take risk, you can lose, and they did. So some dept head in finance at the direction of the BOD makes a bad move and cripples a  company, a stock market an economy and put at least 100,000 jobs in jeopardy.

So you see why i am befuddled.

What do i think will happen? I do not know. I do not think that a policy holder will suffer. I think a  white knight will come in and buy this company for pennies and reorganize it. Change the name and continue to do business, albeit in a more conservative way.

Sad to see these domino’s fall like this. It seems like too many people over extented themselves and greedy mortgage companies gave people mortgages that they could not pay. That was problem #1.  The next problem we need to deal with before it cripples this country is the price of gas. You know we will see $7.00 a gallon before we will ever see $3.00.

sad day seems like the beginning of a dark period. It does make me think that the one canidate that may have had an answer to the US economy was Mitt Romney. He was no nonsense when it came to finance.

Artie came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife Vicky, and fell into a deep slumber.

Arthur was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. 

A rooster strolled past. ‘So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’ 

“Artie! Wake up. You shit the bed!

If you are a Man and you have A.D.D. like me, there are visual therapies that help you relax and focus.

*       Concentration Therapy

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New Sex Study……….

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Noun

pessimism

1. A general belief that bad things will happen

Today I stand corrected. The one thing about being a pessimist, is that you are never wrong,( kinda like being a woman I guess) but if you are, good things happen.

If you are an optimist, you are too often wrong and always dissapointed.

Well I sure was wrong with my prediction of the Pats. 4-12 lose to the J-E-T-S 35-9.

The Pats sucked it up and grew a couple, They showed some great heart and played their asses off. The defense and the kicking game was awesome. and once that P.O.S. Maroney got hurt, we brought in the real running game, and they were terrific.

#1 star goes to Gostkowski

#2 goes to Hobbs- go figure, he played up, man to man on the receivers and was actually very good.

#3 Seymour, good to have 93 back

#4 A D Adalius. he was good, but that one sack was a highlight.

#5 The runners. good job

#6 The coach- he coached em up and inspired them.

#7 Matt Cassell -he did not fuck up. He was Ok and that is all we need when the “D” plays like that. We had the ball on the Jets side of the field 4 or 5 times. Brady would have put up 50. But I will take this effort from cassell. I feel good, that it is the system, and if Matt gets hurt, I do not think we will miss a beat with Kevin OConnell at QB or Kevin Faulk, or whoever is the stop gap.

It might not be like this every week, but it should be a walkover next week for sure.

On the downside, I am wondering about Moss? Does he look the same to you? Does he look to be going through the motions? Why does he catch the ball and go into a slide like a QB?

Good to see that creep mangina lose.

Good to see farve lose. He should have gone out on top. He does not look right in Green.

Overall great day for the patsies. I always say, the team that wants it more, always wins. They showed some real heart.

Monty

people think it is easy being me. Try it some day! You might not like it.I had an argument with my daughter last night who told me about the grueling 12 hour days as a teacher. shaping young minds. I told her about my usual day. Golf, drinking, eating and shaping my body into a shape ( round is a shape).For instance yesterday I had to attend a company outing. if you think it is fun, think again. I have some pictures to prove what a miserable day it was: STOPPED IN THE PARKING LOT BY SECURITYTHEY SURE KNOW HOW TO TREAT A GUY AT THESE OUTINGSIT PAYS TO STAY LATE AT THESE EVENTS, JUST ASK A GGG MEMBER FROM WEBS

How did i ever get by in the old days without fruit labels?

Those annoying little stickers on fruit. Not bad on a banana you peel it off with the skin, but on apples, I think I must have eaten a hundred by now!

Are they edible? They should be. If not, there needs to be a movement to get it done.

THE SEASON IS OVER:

I had the Pats for 9-7 till Brady went down, but now they will be lucky to win 4 games.

We are now looking at where we will be in the draft order.

Strap on your seatbelt and put your helmet on, This is going to be an UGLY ride.

Name me the 6 worst teams in the league last year? What do they ALL have in common?    A bad QB. We are now one of those bottom feeders. We have a bad QB and anyone they bring in, will be bad.

Jets 35 Pats 9

repeat after me ” it is over” for 08.

Sad to say. As I sat in the luxury box yesterday watching Brady hobble off the field, I was not throwing up as expected, I had been resigned to the fall of the dynasty. This just hastened it a bit.

Brady was a ONE MAN team. We have some of the most mediocre talent in the league and almost no depth. It is a recipe for disaster.

Do you want a wrap up of game one????

Sure. They pulled out a win at home in the last second to the worst team in the NFL. Do you know why KC is in the NFL? I will tell you, because there is no farm system and all the players are out of college eligibility. 15 of their 48 players are rookies, and the other bunch sucks besides LJ and Gonzalez

Too bad, it is a sad day for all pats fans. We will know two things in the next 3 weeks. One how good is belichek, and can this team get its heart back.

Stay tuned.

Last weekend, on the docks we had a 50th Birthday party for my dear friend Don Allan.

Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with dudes so old, but he has the boat next to me and he makes good drinks.

We had a great time. Don supplied all the booze, and had a pasta chef there that made pasta dishes with crab, lobster,shrimp,kielbasa etc with a choice of Alfredo, pesto,red, garlic butter sauces.

DJ Monty rocked the house all night long. He spun tunes from hard rock to disco. When the police showed up, we had to turn it down a bit, only to be cranked up for Don to do some of his signature dances.

Don boogeyed out on the stern of the c-built to tunes like:

I’m to sexy

Strokin

Can a nigger get a table dance

Ellens techno mix

All in all it was a good time.

Don does not let diabetes or erectile dysfuntion slow him down at age 50, so don’t let it bring you down either.

I will have dock party pictures and video posted here soon, so stay tuned.

Oh Ya DON, it is ok to puke after your party, Just help Ellen clean up next time