Wow what a year! I made it. I am still on the right side of the grass and that in itself is an accomplishment.
A few things:
Goals, we all have them if you do not, sit down right now and make them. Write them down and check your list at the end of 2009. These are not resolutions, New years resolutions are a bunch of shit. No one follows through with them.
Some of my goals last year were to start a blog, and to post everyday. Join a club. I did, i joined toastmasters and I am still very active. To grow my business. We had the best year ever. Start a DJ service for fun and amusement.Let me know if I can do your next party, no charge. Be a better husband and a better dad. I wrote these all down last year and I can show them to you.
For 2009, I also have written goals. I want to join a League. Bowling, golf etc. I especially would like to start a league. Let me know if you want to be involved in a bowling league. I want to learn how to dance. I never could do it and I do not. I feel bad for my wife, who loves to dance and I am unable or willing to do it with her. Friday is our first lesson. I want to grow my business again. What a great fete that will be in a bad economy. As always, I want to do whatever I can to see my two kids move forward towards complete independence. I want to get my captains license, which will make me a better boater. I will get my other website, www.southshorelandscapeconnection.com up and running.These are a few things. I have more specific goals for business etc.
So, do not just make an idle resolution. Make a goal and write it down. Follow through and DO NOT QUIT.
Back the the minute! Thank you with all my heart for reading this blog. This is the 366th post of the year, so i hit my goal. In the first year, I had over 2500 new readers. They are from 20 countries and 40 of the 50 states.
There have been over 15,000 page views. and over 8000 log ins to the minute.
I will have new and I hope more interesting stuff going forward.
Thank you thank you and thank you again for stopping by. as it says
“Take a minute and have a laugh”
We all have one “monty” minute in a day to laugh.
If your goal is to start a “BLOG” let me know and I can help you, and I will promise to read it, faithfully.
Make a goal to be a guest blogger on the minute in 2009. Do you have something to say? bitch about? a joke to tell? Write it down and email it to me.
It seems like yesterday that we lost that game ( that I have never seen, or will ever mention) in Tempe Arizona.
Some of you have moved on. For some of us the pain will NEVER go away.
How does 19-0 sound? The greatest team ever
Another season has come and gone. Here are some quick grades and evaluations.
I am shocked they won 11….. The reason is simple, they played the easiest schedule ever. None will ever be easier. All the teams they lost to are in the playoffs. They never beat anyone of any consequence. Last year the Dolphins won one game, and the jets won 4 . This year with the same schedule as the Pats they combined for over 20 wins. Are they 4 times better? or was it the pathetic schedule.
Belichek is the difference….. Football is all about the coach… He is the glue that makes it all work. Do not fool yourself. This team has never had the talent to support the wins. he is THAT GOOD!!
Cassell surprised me. He did way more than I figured. He was horrible for 4 years. he was horrible in preseason. he was not good enough to play in college. WHY is he so good now. I just told you belicheck. He and Josh Mcdaniels coached him up. Only Belicheck can take a 6th and a 7th rounder and make them millionaires. Good luck to the kid, he will be in a long line of Patriots that have left and done very little. see Malloy, Woody, Samuel, Branch, Law and 30 others that left and did little to earn their millions.
The system works. It is a system.
Scott Pioli… Good riddence. Go to Cleveland or detroit with all the picks and potential. Just like all the coaches before him, such as, mangini, Weiss, and Crennel, it cannot be done without the master.
We need to get younger and faster. More Mayo’s.. less mistakes in the draft.
Kevin Oconnel…..remember his name, he is the next Brady or Cassell. He has the strongest arm on the team and is the fastest runner. Belicheck can do the same for him that he did for the others.
Most over rated player: hands down Richard Seymour. He is hurt EVERY year. he gets the veratek excuse ( he calls a good game) People always say he gets double teamed. Well so does Wilfolk and Vrabel. When Jarvis Green comes in we do not miss a beat.
10. Most underrated player: Kevin Faulk.. well recognized, but only to the Patriot faithful. he is terrific. Enjoy him now, because like many of the aging veterans, he is getting to the end.
Overall it was a year of high achievment for a team decimated by key injuries. Lets see what 2009 brings. I think there will be a lot of new faces.
Predictions:
2009 9-7
Brady will never be the same
Bruschi retires
Pioli off to the Lions
Josh McDaniel a coach somewhere.
Some black wide reciever in the league wearing #85 will get in trouble in the off season ( I know that is a stretch, BUT)
I get asked a lot of questions. My advice is free, but it is so important to so many people that I am thinking about charging.
Monty consultant to the witless? What do you think?
Anyway, I digress. Someone asked me the other day. They said ” hey Monty” ” who is hotter Jessica, or Britany spears?’
I said der! Of course it is Jessica. I would not do Britany with yours and a pocket full of Viagra i said.
Well! I was shocked to find for the first time, that I was in the minority. As it turns out, it was 3 to 1 britany. How could you vote for that skank? So I put it out to the readers:
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes:< /SPAN> If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5)Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’, that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
I know i am fat. Today I weighed in at 253 Pounds. I know muscle weighs more than fat and I should not be concerned.
Or maybe I should my friend Greg is fatter than me, and he weighs 210! HMMM!!!
What really bothers me is that everyone calls me BIG GUY now.
I go in for a coffee and the girl says whatta ya have “BIG GUY”
The bartender says hey big guy you are next.
Or hey big guy can you move, You are like a human eclipse. You are blocking the sun.
How about when you walk down the aisle in a plane and you see people’s faces as you check the seat numbers out. They are all saying.
“NO! I hope that big guy does not sit here”
Anyway, it is near New Years day when I make the annual resolution to lose weight. It is not being pleasantly plump that bothers me, it is only one thing.
Innocent people that call me BIG GUY. It might be indearing to some people, but I hate it.
How would they like it if i said Hey small tits, whatta ya have, Or hey unibrow whats up?, or hey fat ass you want a drink.
My son Craig got a new Puppy for Christmas. He waited 22 years to get the best present he ever received. He was ecstatic. I did this rather quick you tube of the Bulldog on xmas morning.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’
The girl said, ‘NO!’
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles
and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and
drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and
farted whenever he wanted.
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy.
“Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas Time?”, she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, “Well Ms. Jones,my twelve brothers and sisters and I go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys”.
“Very nice Patrick”, she said.
“Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?”
“Well, Ms. Jones, my sister and I also go to Church with Mum And Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”
Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’. Then we all go to the Bahamas .”
I though that this might be the case? Who do you think owns all the stores?
hmmmm?
One quick note, is it “i”before ” e”? or is it e before i except after “C” I cannot remember my 5th grade grammer. I guess I do not need to know or to care.
I was talking to a few Yankee fans after this was announced and they were happy, but I think a little embarrased. They know that if they win, and they should, it does not count, because they bought the championship. And they will have.
The Yankee fans do seem happy about one thing, and that this signing probably means that they will not be getting manny the “RAT” Even a Yankee fan cannot stand that detestable creep with dreads.
Are the Yankees done?
What do the Sox say to Lowell? Their actions spoke loudly to him I think.
Where do the sox go from here?
I pray to GOD that Boras has pissed the Red Sox off enough that they tell Their former captain “TEK” to take a hike. Please let this be the end of the line for that cheating on his wife, no hit, flat headed piece of shit.
Home grown talent is the best.
This is just another reason why MLB needs a salary cap. People in small markets almost have no chance. They might draft well and get good talent, but as soon as they get in their prime and go on the free agent market, the Yankees, or the Red Sox, or the Mets Etc gobble up the talent. It is and unfair system.
Scott Boras is brilliant, but i do not like him. He and his clients are only about one thing, and that is $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. get the most.
At least you know where this narcissist is coming from. he does not sugar coat it. But he does drive it up everyone’s BUTT!
Good luck to the Yankees. They got a GREAT player and looks like they got a good guy. If you make the money, and spend it, no one should complain. If you want what the Yankees got, then you need to make more money and be willing to spend it like them?
Just wondering? John Henry, the red Sox owner made all his money with hedge funds. They are all dying like my 401K maybe he is broke? Just a thought. Maybe he was in with medoff?
another thought? how happy would you be if you heard the Steinbrenners were broke, or that they were going to jail? They would be dancing in the streets in Beantown.
Monty
PS The red Sox next play the yankees on Friday the 13TH In March. The next regular season game will be on 4/14/09
I know, I say all the time that nothing bothers me, BUT I am pissed off once again.
What this time?
I’ll tell you.
I am pissed off at all the lazy, bitchy, piece of shit, asshole, mutha fuckin soccer Moms who can not take 3 friggin minutes to take the snow off the top of their humongous SUV or side door slidin mini friggin van.
snow covered car
They get in the car with the minimum of snow removal. They leave like all the snow on the top only to hit the highway and for it to come off in icy chunks and to hit you in the windshield.
The best part is they get in the car and take off before the windshield clears. They drive with a rubbed out golf ball sized viewing hole until they hit something, or the defroster starts to work.
The oblivious woman are on the cell phone laughing away, while all the people behind them are dodging chunks of ice and getting in accidents.
Some people just do not give a fuck. I was behind a dozen of these reckless non caring self absorbed pieces of shit. I almost got killed about 5 times on my way to the bar for an afternoon of drinking.
Do not tell me this has not happened to you.
Which do you think is worse? The soccer mom with the snow, or the landscape contractor that fills up the back of the truck with leaves and drives around until they have all blown out?
In my hand I hold a ball…. White and dimpled, rather small….
Oh , how bland it does appear…. This harmless looking little sphere….
By its size I could not guess…. The awesome strength it does possess….
But since I fell beneath its spell…. I’ve wandered through the fires of hell….
My life has not been quite the same…. Since I chose to play this stupid game….
It rules my mind for hours on end… A fortune it has made me spend….
It has made me swear and yell and cry… I hate myself and want to die….
It promises a thing called par….
If I can hit it straight and far..
To master such a tiny ball…. Should not be very hard at all
But my desires the ball refuses…. And does exactly as it chooses….
It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies…. Even disappears before my eyes….
Often it will take a whim…. To hit a tree or take a swim…
With miles of grass on which to land…. It finds a tiny patch of sand….
Then has me offering up my soul…. If only it would find the hole….
It’s made me whimper like a pup….and swear that I will give it up….
And take a drink to ease my sorrow…. But the ball knows…..
I’ll be back tomorrow!!!!
Dear Abby:
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don’t know them. I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with ‘the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
Poop makes people laugh and apparently it sells. Anything that farts is hillarious. I bought a pen the other day that looks like a finger. When you pull it it farts. Whose farther did not do that to them when they were growing up? If they did not, you have missed something.
Apple’s App Store is currently experiencing a plague of fart applications. Last week, I detailed one day in which at least 14 new fart apps were accepted into the store. And now, just in a quick search, it looks like there are about 50 apps all dedicated to making fart noises on your iPhone or iPod touch. Classy, I know, but why are there so many?
Because apparently there’s big money in fart apps — nearly $10,000 a day for the most popular ones.
Developer InfoMedia (Joel Comm), which makes iFart Mobile [iTunes link], has been releasing download statistics for the app each day since it launched. The $0.99 app has been in the top 100 paid apps every day since its launch, and has seen great growth. In fact, yesterday it hit the number one overall position with over 13,000 downloads. MacRumors ran the numbers, factoring out the 30 percent cut Apple takes from each sale, and determined that, yesterday alone, iFart Mobile made its developers $9,198.
Certainly, a part of this onslaught of fart apps is that Apple, which had previously rejected all crude apps, changed its policy to let them in. But now that they glimpse the potential for big business in fart apps, expect even more to come.
Of course, not all fart apps are going to make it to the number one paid app position, but a number of them are selling well. Personally, I prefer Pull My Finger [iTunes link], but it’s hard to argue with iFart Mobile’s icon, which simply reads “Best Fart App!”
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the male therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her
husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’
The husband thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.’
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Apple’s App Store is currently experiencing a plague of fart applications. Last week, I detailed one day in which at least 
