Entries from February 2009 ↓

I like to bowl once in awhile. I do not like big balls though. What do you like?

candlepin bowling

or

Big Ball Bowling

History of bowling:

Even though bowling has been the object of satire in such movies as Kingpin and the Big Lebowski, it is certainly a genuine sport. And, believe it or not, it may be one of the oldest sports in the history of the world. Over 100 million people in more than 90 countries practice the game, making it one of the most popular and universally loved forms of recreation on the planet. It has been the game of kings (literally), and the startling facts behind the origins of bowling may surprise even the most dedicated kingpin.

1. Bowling was invented in Wellsville Ohio by Chris Winland
2. Bowling was first done naked
3. Bowling is the #1 drinking sport
4. Bowling does not work with square balls
5. Bowling is #1 sport in the gay community
6. President obama has a 69 average
7. Black people do not bowl
8. After bars bowling Alley’s are the #1 pickup spot

Take the survey.

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If it is not enough that the airlines over charge us, and then make us stop over some God forsaken place for three hours, when we could go direct.

Now they want to charge us for luggage, food and drinks. Eric states that ” Last week on a Us airways flight, I had to pay $10 for a beer. It was $8, but they had no cahnge, so it was $10 or no beer”.

Now if that is not enough, they want to charge you to take a piss.

MSNBC reports the following.

Ryanair’s chief executive said Europe’s largest budget carrier might start charging passengers for using the toilet while flying, but his spokesman cautioned Michael O’Leary often just made things up at will.

“One thing we have looked at in the past and are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door so that people might actually have to spend a pound ($1.43) to spend a penny in future,” O’Leary told BBC television.

He said this would not inconvenience passengers traveling without cash. “I don’t think there is anybody in history that has got on board a Ryanair aircraft with less than a pound.”

A spokesman said the airline had considered the fee as a possible source of extra revenue since passengers had the option of not using the toilet on board, but added that “maybe O’Leary was just taking the p—ss this morning.”

“Michael makes a lot of this stuff up as he goes along and while this has been discussed internally there are no immediate plans to introduce it,” Stephen McNamara said in a statement.

O’Leary has a reputation as a cost-cutter, expanding Ryanair by offering low headline fares and charging extra for items such as additional luggage.

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, ‘You graduated from Cape Cod Community College and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?’

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, ‘Everything but my earrings.’

Just earrings

Donna G and Kenny C

My friend Donna G has been stalking Kenny Chesney for years. She finally caught up with him at these tennis courts in Little Rock Arkansas. He said he would take this picture with her and write a song about her if she stopped chasing him around the country.

Here is the picture, and this is the song he wrote:

“She’s From Boston”

She comes from Boston
Works at the Real Estate office
Down in Hingham harbor
Where the ferries come to shore
She never really knew how good it would feel
To finally find herself in a place so warm and real

She wears a Red Sox cap
To hide her balding spot
The girl she was in New England
Is different now and then
In all the local bars
She flirts and tells the boys while they’re talkin’
She’s from Boston

She comes from Boston
Talks to her family now and then
Through e-mails and postcards
She tries to explain to them
That education and occupation will have to wait for now
She loves the real estate and the gucci bags

She wears a Red Sox cap
To hide her balding spot
The girl she was in New England
Is different now and then
In all the local bars
She flirts and tells the boys while they’re talkin’
She’s from Boston

Her fingers dig deep and deeper in Sully’s back
She’s seduced by the sunsets and her golfer man

She wears a Red Sox cap
To hide her balding spot
The girl she was in New England
Is different now and then
In all the local bars
She flirts and tells the boys while they’re talkin’
She’s from Boston

She wears a Red Sox cap
To hide her balding spot
From Boston
She came to Little Rock from Boston

MONTY

It is cute that the girl from Boston let him wear her hat.

I am getting more letters than normal lately asking me for my advice. Here are a couple from my mailbag this week.

Dear Monty

Maybe you can Help? You see, I have this FRIEND. and he has a problem. He would kill me if I told you, but HE needs help. MY FRIEND likes to wear girls clothes. I have caught him several times with girls underwear on. When he goes home, he puts on dresses and stuff. He goes so far as to put on makeup.

I beg you can you help my FRIEND, before he puts on that finishing touch?

Dave from Weymouth

Dear Dave,

YOU have a problem. It is not your FRIEND at all is it? I know it is you, I have seen that slingshot thong hanging out of your jeans. I have noticed that you have not got all the mascara off of your face. I saw you buying the size 14 dress at the big girl store.

Stop lying to yourself and your family and come out.  Give Donald a call and straighten out your life. Take the Glamour magazine from under the seat of your truck and become a man again. Good Luck!

PS    Pink is your color. You are a naughty girl too!

Monty

__________________________________________________________

Dear Monty

There is this guy I know that I am close too, and he has a problem, but I do not know how to approach HIM. Ya see HE has a drinking problem. HE drinks everyday, He has one in the morning to bring it around. He has 4 at lunch and heads right to the bar after work. HIS wife does not see it and HE is drinking his life away. Please help my FRIEND.

Artie the one man Party

Hey Artie, How long have I known you? Get a grip, wring your liver out and stop drinking. It all started in the woods behind your house, then it was stealing booze from the parents, then it was endless nights in the local gin mills. Your life is one big party. YOU need to join AA and get on with your life before you have a claim.

If you do not take my advice, meet me at Hajjars tommorow night.

Monty

_________________________________________________________

Dear Monty

MY FRIEND has a problem I hope you can solve. He cannot part with Money. He wears the same clothes, will not buy anything. HE will not go on vacation. He even grows his own food to save money. MY FRIEND checks the stock market all day, and cannot stop thinking about money ever. HE needs Help.

Frank From Deluxebury

Dear Frank,

It is you isnt it. I have some advice for you. Go out in the back yard and dig up all those cans full of money and securities and live a little. You are a miser. You need to cut loose. Buy a boat, go on vacation, go out to eat. Buy groceries. Live like Monty for a month. Try it you will like it.

PS if you do not take my advice, can I borrow some money?

Monty

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

‘Why, that’s amazi ng!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’

The Irishman nodded…’I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.’

‘From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.

‘No, from the fucking’ skippin’

Pic used with expressed pernission

Not sure I get it, so I did some research. I still do not get it. I guess it is because I am not catholic. I come from a dysfunctional religious family.

My Mom and brother were Catholic, and me my sister and my father were protestant. made for confusing Sunday’s. What makes it worse, is that we all think My mom’s family were Jewish. She could easily pass for a Jewish mom. She grew up in a Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn, and when I was a kid, it was not unusual to have Matzos in your lunch bag. Try explaining that to all the catholic kids who were all direct descendants from Dorchester in the 60′s.

Is that not eating meat on Friday thing dead yet?

Do they still say everything in Latin? That never made sense to me.

How about that hand shaking thing in the pew? and also with you!

Why do I go to a catholic wedding, and everybody gets up and leaves me alone in the pew while they get cookies and wine. Don’t they know that you feel left out? Maybe they should get a togo for me when they come back?

For a non Catholic, some of these things look strange to an outsider. But as Seinfeld says ” There is nothing wrong with that”

When I was a kid, I used to dip in the ashtray and put on a spot. As the only Irish kid in the all Catholic neighborhood, I did not want to be left out. I even joined CCD. They said I could not go to the classes though, I could only go on the trips. Imagine that. It was like going to work, but you do not have to work, you can only take lunch and breaks.

Good Luck today with your ashes.

I have some suggestions on that lent thing if you want to give some shit up.

1. drinking
2. smoking
3. sex
4. eating
5. watching TV

The more I think of it, that is another ritual that the Catholics might want to look at, like the meat on Friday’s thing and the Latin.

Good Luck!!!   ( peace be with you)

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, ‘Do you have water?’

The Jewish man replied, ‘I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.’

The Taliban shouted, ‘Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!’

‘OK, OK’ said the old Jewish man, ‘It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.’

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead. ‘Your f***ing brother won’t let me in without a tie!’

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet….

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!’  Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is & nbsp; you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being an arse puncher.
Alright, I am not a homophobe, and I can name at least ten textiles. Hell I have a college degree in fashion merchandising. I can name all the custards.

But I am not gay. Do you know why? because I do not ever order ” Decaf Soy Latte”

Pheww! I was getting worried for a second.

Monty

Before I get to the Oscars, just how many movies can someone make. Really?

Think about how many movies that these two guys have made. Just a clue. They both have made over 100. That has got to be maybe 3 a year. WOW! slow down guys. They have to be in their 80′s

Gene Hackman

Michael caine

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The Oscars were on last night. Why do people watch them? Is it the red carpet? or the constant thank you’s. Who cares who wins an award for cinematography and best producer, or “best Boy” or best grip, or whatever crazy award they have.

Do you know who cares? the same people that when the movie ends they stay watching it for fifteen minutes while the credits scroll on forever.

5 Reasons not to watch:

1. The endless thank you’s
2. The winning movie usually sucks
3. Who has seen the nominated movies anyway? They are not on video yet.
4. Silly insider jokes by some has been comedian
5. It is 4 hours to find out who won the best picture

One reason maybe I should have watched, is I heard that the troll Whoopie Goldberg was not the emcee. hasn’t she been the headliner for like 10 years?

It is like getting voted to the all star game or the pro bowl. By the time you got voted in, your movie sucks. But, when you were younger and really on your “A” game, you just sit in the audience and politely smile while some old geriatric wins because he or she is old and time is running out for them.

They should cut to commercial before any one starts a political speech.

Then there is the whole gown thing, where all the chicks get these borrowed dresses and parade around like mardi gras floats. God forbid someone wore the same dress.

Does the carpet match the curtains?

As you can tell I am not a fan, But I would like to see that slobby millionaire movie. It actually sounds ok.

Monty

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Potatoe sack

Alec, Stephen, William and Daniel. The Baldwin Brothers. I am tired of them all. They have not made a good movie and or TV show in years. 

They need to quit makie movies and making fools of themselves on trash TV, They need to all go to drug rehab and stay there.

Brothers Baldwin

I cannot tell them apart, all I know, is that they are all over the place, and I think they need to GO AWAY!!!

Open Mon-Fri 11:30- 3:00 for lunch , 5-9 for dinner

 Saturdays for dinner only at 5:00 pm and Sundays at 4:00 

Reservations recommended fpr parties of 6 or more.

Venezia
20 Ericsson Street
Boston, MA 02122
Reservations (617) 436-3120

bseekins.venezia@verizon.net

My last visit 2/21/2009

I always heard that this was a pretty good place. Myself and 5 others decided to give it a shot.

Pros: They took a reservation, the table was ready, ample parking with valet, Great views of Boston over the water, The waitress ( jamie) was terrific

Cons: The food was very ordinary, bordering on lousy. No one was happy. The clams casino were so bad people were spitting it in their napkin.

My opinion is that the restaurant is difficult to find and to get to, but once you are there, the view is worth it. If you are looking for big portions, and a place for a big party, this might be your place.

If you are looking for good food and value, Avoid the Venezia.

We were given the specials, a prime rib,and the other a haddock dish. They both sounded good and two people got them. Neither was too impressed. What bothered us, is that when the bill came, the specials were way too expensive compared to the rest of the menu. The haddock was $42 and the Prime rib wa $38. Both were a bad value and the price was a big surprise.

The bill for 6 was $375.00 with tip ( the waitress also hand wrote in a 18% suggested tip. I thought this showed poorly. I never tip less than 20% for even average service). Too much for what we received. The steak was big and impressive looking, but the quality was poor. Chewy and tasteless. The spuds were starchy and the mushroom gravy had a strange unappetizing color.

Monty's meal

Overall I give this place 2 1/2  Monty stars out of 5

Too many good places to go to choose the Venezia. I might go back on the boat sometime in the summer. That might be the only appeal to me to revisit this restaurant.

Monty

PS  The urinals were gross. It was black on the bottom and there was a lungy on the top. eeeww!!! Ick!!!

Proof of what I say!

Disingenuous, deceptive, bait and switch, fallacious, underhanded Sneaky and misleading. These are all terms I can come up with when I just dealt with TNT Travel.

Let me go backwards for a minute. We were thinking of going on a vacation. As you all know too well we are in a tough economy, and if we are going to spend money on something non essential, you better do your research and make sure you are getting the best deal.

We searched the internet and the travel agent for the best deals. We think we came up with what we thought waqs the best deal with Expedia. 

Still not wanting to miss anything, and doing the proper due diligence, we went to the travel Expo in Boston. This is where hundreds of companies are clamoring for your business. Each one is telling you they have the best deals. 110% guarantee, ” we have the lowest rates” even 125% BEST PRICE GUARANTEE.

Who reads this stuff? who believes this stuff? I do, and why shouldn’t we?

It is on all their publications. It is on all their 20 foot long banners.

So what does it really mean. It means that yes we do have that on a 20 foot banner, BUT, if you read the small print, in size 4 font with a magnifying glass, that is not really what it means. It is to only drag your ass in and hand your money over to these frauds.

My wife and I innocently walk up to the crowded booth, talk to a rep. he says where and when do you want to go? We tell him and he says we have that. No problem. He brings up his deal and it is 20% higher than expedia.

We tell him that, so he brings up expedia and confirms the truth. He says sorry he cannot do that. We thank the guy and walk away. As I walk away, the 20 foot long banner keeps calling me. 

125% BEST PRICE GUARANTEE !!!!!!!!!!!

Lies Lies and more lies

What does this mean. It means to me that they have the best price by far or they gurantee me they will do it or give me 125% of what I paid.

Confused?  Me too!

So I walk back ask the manager, and the supervisor. I get the biggest runaround I have ever got. They tell me that they do not have access to any rooms, that the hotel is full. ( It is not full I called it is not even half full).

The scene gets ugly, with four of them and two of us. I am about to slug one of these arrogant reps, and they are about to call security. I am still pisssed, and I will NEVER EVER use this scam of a company to plan one of my vacations.

Do you think they have ever paid on their guarantee? I do not….

I urge everyone that reads this, to not use TNT. I will not and I am warning you to not read the big print, but to get the magnifying glass and read the small print that retracts all their marketing LIES!!!

the small print of bait and switch

There are lots of options in life. Take the road to honesty, and do not use TNT Travel.

Here are what some other people said from epinions.com 

A ‘Rock  Hudson  ‘ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t.

A ‘Saddam Hussein‘ – from one bunker into another.

A ‘Yasser Arafat‘ – butt ugly and in the sand.

A ‘John Kennedy Jr.’ – didn’t quite make it over the water.

A ‘Rodney King‘ – over-clubbed.

An ‘O.J.’- got away with one.

A ‘Princess Grace’ – should have used a driver.

A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used the driver.

A ‘Condom’ – safe, but didn’t feel very good.

A ‘Brazilian’ – shaved the hole.

A ‘Rush Limbaugh‘ – a little to the right.

A ‘Nancy Pelosi‘ – Way to the left and out of bounds.

A ‘James Joyce‘ – a putt that’s impossible to read.

A ‘Ted Kennedy‘ – goes in the water and jumps out.

A ‘Pee Wee Herman‘ – too much wrist.

A ‘Sonny Bono‘ – straight into the trees.

A ‘Mickey Mantle‘ – a dead yank.

A ‘ Paris  Hilton‘ – a very expensive hole.

Who gives a shit??????

I do not……

Why is it that every damn time you meet someone from Hingham. In the first five minutes of the conversation it comes up that they are from Hingham.

I repeat, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT…………….

Does it make them smarter than me?

Does it make them richer than me?

Does it make them better looking than me?

Does it make their house nicer than mine?

Does it make their kids smarter than mine?

NO       It      Does     Not

Why in the world do these people persist to tell me they are from Hingham?

I meet people from Duxbury, Cohassett, Norwell, Wellesley and Weymouth and they never feel compelled to tell me where they are from.

Before one of you hinghamites start commenting, you know I am right. I do not want to hear that it is because of the feelings of the rich history, or the schools, or the land.

Look at yourself in the mirror for one minute, and admit it. You are a snob!!!!

There are two people that are worse. One the 50 year old woman that lived in Hingham till she was twelve and moved to weymouth, and still tells everybody she meets that she IS from Hingham originally.  Or maybe worse the 40 year old couple that moves to Hingham from Whitman ( after hitting the lottery) and can’t stop telling everybody they meet that they live in Hingham.

I am from Weymouth, Hanover, Marstons Mills, Hanson and Whitman.

” I can only wish I was from Hingham” If i was, I would tell the world….

Monty ( banned in Hingham)

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.

‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional
and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t
have any milk.’

‘I know,’ she said,
‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’