Entries from March 2009 ↓

Do I care? Sure I do. I have a preference, and it is for miracle whip. You cannot get it everywhere.

Some people will just not touch it. It is the same thing as Mayonnaise, just improved.

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I know that you think everything bothers me, but this really does.

Sometimes you are nice to people and they take advantage. I told the neighbors, that when I am not home to use the pool and the hot tub, because someone should and they abused the privilege.

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Problem solved, and I qualify.

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on
Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on “How Would You Fix
The Economy?”

I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr President,

Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
Pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment
fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto
Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing
Crisis fixed.

All this and it’s still cheaper than the “bailout.”

Cliff and Norm

‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this .. . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’

1. The phone stops ringing. Or you stop calling people and just send an email. Contact is gone.
2. You start selling service. The competitors all have a better price, and you resort to the fact that we have better service. Service does not sell unless you have a great price.
3. your good people go to work for the other guys. People want a job. If they think you are not doing well, they will go to the other guy’s shop. They might not like them, but they will get paid.
4. You don’t change. You do things the old way, because that way always worked and that is how you got to where you are. ” The old way is better”
5. You lose money for three consecutive periods. The units of measure might be days, months, or quarters. Whatever the measure, if you lose money for three consecutive periods of time, you are going out of business.
6. you lose your heart. You just don’t have the fire for it anymore. You don’t feel like fighting for what you have or want. If you open the door a sliver for the competition, they will come barreling through in force.

If you suffer from any of these signs, watch out. if you have 4 out of six, put the breaks on and start changing NOW. If you have all six, get an exit strategy quick, before the doors are closed forever.

Cousin Fred

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, BUT you can’t pick your relatives.

Monty

Duck!!!!!!!

Bring sunscreen

I was the guy at the resort that could go for breakfasr and bring back two cups of coffee and a half dozen doughnuts.

Home from vacation now. Back to work tomorrow.

Vacation was great. St Martin was excellent as usual. 

The weather got back to normal on Wednesday. Sunny Thank God.

Thursday we hung out at the beach and went to Philipsburgh. JoJo got some charms and Craig got a $50 fake Rolex. I got a tee shirt from the Blue Bitch Bar where I had the ribs. I need a diet soon gaining too much weight. My metabolism has come to a screeching halt. If I eat, it just sticks now.

I bet a few games at the casino. went one for three. I have gone to the casino 5 times. never for more than 45 minutes. All quick hits. I won money for the week. That is always good. mostly roulette I play 4,11,18,22 and 36. Not many 18s. craps twice. Friday night I went for two rolls and some guy had the dice for 20 minutes and hit a lot of hardways. I made 750 on his roll. Hit and ran.

I had the all inclusive, so I did not eat out that much. The food on the island is excellent. Uncle harry’s for seafood and the bejutaka for steak in maho. More on that later.

I am still sick as a dog. up coughing all night. Oh well I got it from JOJO. She had it for the last 3 weeks.

I would go back tomorrow. Everybody had a great time.

Monty

No posts in the last 5 days because i am on vacation in St Martin.

Arrived Saturday  got up at 3:00 left at 6:00

4 hour layover in Charlotte  rained like crazy

Got to St Martin at 5  raining here too. No problem just drink right…

Got drunk

Sunday  Rained most of the day, so I got drunk

Monday overcast and rain. I checked the weather for the week and   it calls for rain all week. The locals have never heard of this. They say it only rains 10 days a year. I am going to get drunk again.

Monday night I am getting sick as a dog from a cold. I am taking all sorts of drugs now and getting drunk some more.

I haven’t seen Craig and his girlfriend since Sunday. They are on a different schedule. Up all night in the clubs and bars. They are having a ball. Me too! 

Tuesday St Paddy’s day.  Had a few at the bar. actually saw the sun. packed in the Corrolla and went to Orient beach. good time. drank and swam. 

All dressed in green, we went out to dinner on the water and I ordered the surf and turf. It was a large filet mignon with a 4 lb lobster  it was $150, but worth it. went back to the room BUURRPP! 

It is Wednesday morning. I need a drink. I have not seen Craig or Allison. They are hanging with a band from Cape Cod that is playing in the area.

I will post videos and pics later.

FYI   If you are over 40 and fat, keep your clothes on when you are at the beach…………..

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost.

I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Monty

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said,?’Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . . . it doesn’t matter to me.? I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.’?

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,

‘No kidding.. I’m a lawyer too. What firm are you with?’

If you want to slap some body silly

CLICK HERE

Can you believe that Ted Kennedy is strolling around the country getting awards left and right?

Everybody knows that his liver has lasted entirely too long. ( it gives me some hope)

He just got the profiles in courage award. The one named after his brother a real hero, and great president. he is still riding his coattails.

What courage did he perform? Did he go down into the water 3 times to save Mary Jo Kopekne? No he drove her off the bridge in a drunken stupor and walked away.

Now the Queen of England knights the old fool.

When will this tour ever end?

I found this article. You might find it interesting:

The Great Destabilization By Mark Steyn
Can America, the engine of the global economy, pull the rest of the world out of the quicksand?

British prime minister Gordon Brown thought long and hard about what gift to bring on his visit to the White House last week. Barack Obama is the first African-American president, so the prime minister gave him an ornamental desk-pen holder hewn from the timbers of one of the Royal Navy’s anti-slaving ships of the 19th century, HMS Gannet. Even more appropriate, in 1909 the Gannet was renamed HMS President.

The president’s guest also presented him with the framed commission for HMS Resolute, the lost British ship retrieved from the Arctic and returned by America to London, and whose timbers were used for a thank-you gift Queen Victoria sent to Rutherford Hayes: the handsome desk that now sits in the Oval Office.

And, just to round things out, as a little stocking stuffer, Gordon Brown gave President Obama a first edition of Sir Martin Gilbert’s seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill.

In return, America’s head of state gave the prime minister 25 DVDs of “classic American movies.”

Evidently, the White House gift shop was all out of “MY GOVERNMENT DELEGATION WENT TO WASHINGTON AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT” T-shirts. Still, the “classic American movies” set is a pretty good substitute, and it can set you back as much as $38.99 at Wal-Mart: Lot of classics in there, I’m sure — Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Sound of Music — though this sort of collection always slips in a couple of Dude, Where’s My Car? 3 and Police Academy 12 just to make up the numbers. I’ll be interested to know if Mr. Brown has anything to play the films on back home, since U.S.-format DVDs don’t work in United Kingdom DVD players.

Can you believe it? This guy wins 181 million in the lottery on a Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later. Talk about LUCK!!!!

Some guys just have all the luck

I was obligated to buy some

I just got a new batch of girl scout cookies.

Do I need them   NOOOO!

But you have to buy them when the neighbors kid shows up, or a fellow employee is selling them for their kid.

Why do they sell them in January and February when it seems like everybody is on a diet? Who runs their marketing campaign?

Why is it that they do not sell them in the stores, and why do they only come around once a year, like sex and the wizard of OZ.

I like the thin mints and the shortbread cookies. I will eat the coconut ones, but if I have a choice i am going with the shortbread first.

How come you cannot eat just one. They come in sleeves so I suspect you are supposed to eat the whole sleeve right?

You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the
wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without
working for, another person must work for without receiving.
The government cannot give to anybody anything that the
government does not first take from somebody else. When half of
the people get the idea that they do not have to work because
the other half is going to take care of them, and when the
other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because
somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear
friend, is about the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

Dr. Adrian Rogers , 1931 to 2005