Entries from June 2009 ↓

This is not very advanced technology, but I love it when she talks dirty.

Click Here for dirty talk

Artie, Artie the one man party

Today is my friend Artie’s Birthday. He is 54, but looks better than that and he still acts like he is 17. That is what I like best about him.

Artie is a very special person, and I don’t mean the eating paste kind of special or riding in the short bus kind of special. I mean special.
He is always positive, he never complains, he smiles and laughs all the time. I have never met a person that did not like him. That is special!

You could not ever ever ask for a better friend.
How do you know you have a good friend? He calls you first on YOUR birthday. You look at your recent calls on your cell, and there he is repeatedly,when something good happens in your life, he is the first one you want to call and tell. When life sucks, you call this person for a beer. When you get drunk, and are puking, he picks you up and cleans you off and takes you home, then he reminds you of it every time he sees you for the next 30 years.

So, here’s to you Artie on your birthday!!!!

Your friend

Monty

Last weekend we took a trip to Cohasset to see Huey Lewis and the News. we went by boat and spent the weekend in the harbor. It is amazing what you can learn from your friends about places you visit:

See what I mean?

Click here for a funny joke link

If you are slightly offended by “R” rated stuff do not enter. By the way if you are not 18 or a prude.

GET OFF THE MONTY MINUTE !!!!

This is for adults…

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, Seven Points.’

His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’
The old man replied, ‘It’s fart football.’

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says
‘Touchdown, tie score.’

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
‘Touchdown, tie score.’

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable,he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’

The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.

75 Franklin Street
Quincy, MA 02169
(617) 472-1115

The Alfdredo’s menu

Let’s talk about the food real quick. The food was terrific. I had the prime rib. It was huge and cooked perfectly. It came with two sides. I had the linguine with oil and garlic ( the garlic was chunky and undercooked) and the mashed potatoes.

The mashed potatoes were the star of the night. they were made fresh there. not 100% smooth, But perfectly cooked. They had just that little bit of potato in them, that little chunk, that made you know that they were real and fresh. I would go in just for a giant bowl of these delicious mashed potatoes.

The portions were huge. Everyone even Sharry loved their meal. Joe damn near licked the plate. He had the bone from the prime rib sucked clean. Skippy had the prime rib and 10 diet cokes ( he is starting to worry me. I think he might be headed to the quitters club) Say it aint so Skippa. Thelma and Louise smartly dined on the scallops and the baked haddock. No wonder they are both skinny and beautiful.

The real story here is the waitress “Flossy”

Sometimes places are defined by the food, and sometimes by the location, and even the clientele that hangs there. But in some cases it is the waitstaff that makes a place. This is the case at Alfredo’s.

Flossy and Yanni serving the "FLOSSY"

Flossy made the dinner a pleasant experience. I dont know how many years she has been there, or how many jerks she has had to serve, but even at her age of 39, she brought a smile to the table.  First off, she listened and did not put a lime in my rum and coke. What a treat that is. secondly, she gave the specials out along with the prices and offered suggestions. Next she brought extra bread after it was polished off. The ice water was filled and the food delivered on time.

Simple right????

No, not really. how many waiters/waitresses screw up this simple task. She is so awesome, they have a after dinner drink named after her:

” THE FLOSSY”

Coffee served with a blend of amaretto, baileys and topped off with fresh whip cream. ( I had it and it lived up to its name.)

Kudo’s to Alfredo’s and Flossy

Monty minute rating

4 stars 4/5

You might find it interesting that they have two identical bars in the place. They are back to back. Why you say? well! because in the old days, they had a men”s bar and then one for the woman and the men that were not man enough to leave their wives and go to the men’s bar.

AHHH!!!!  The good ole days….

26 Whiting Street

Hingham, Ma

781-749-4406

www.euromart-online.com

Seriously, take my word for it. You would not even know they sell sandwiches. You would drive by 100 times before you were even curious to walk in.

They make a Fantastic sandwich. Try it, you will love it… I promise….

The problem with writing these glowing reviews, is the next time I go in, there will be a huge line.

Take my word for it, it will be worth the wait.

Each sandwich is handmade to order with what you want on it.

Everything is sliced thin and stacked high, before being drizzled with oil and put on a crunchy bun/roll. It makes my mouth water thinking about it.

My Monty top three picks are:

1) Italian- a must have

2)Meatball- delicious, packed with meatballs and flavor. the bun holds up too!

3)Prosciutto di Parma- try it with provolone, banana peppers,shredded lettuce,oil and a slab of mozzarella.

Their bread is made fresh daily on site

Buon Apetito!!!!

menu

February 2, 1947 – June 25 2009

The poor thing not only had Anal/rectal cancer, but she had to die on the same day as that weirdo Michael Jackson. Her last day of fame was ruined by some white guy who used to be black. Some guy who used to sing and dance really well, who now diddles little boys and lives like Howard Hughes.

What kid didn’t have the poster of Farrah on his wall. She had that one of a kind haircut that became the icon of a generation. She was in over one hundred movies and tv shows, but she will always be known as the Hot blonde on ” Charlie’s Angels”

She was married to the Million dollar man lee majors and lived with Ryan Oneil for 17 years. She went from looking like a seductress to looking like a crack whore. But She will always be the Hot Blonde Angel to me.

So here is to Farrah. Too bad you were upstaged by that little weiordo with the skinny nose that walked backwards.

Gumdrop nipples

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

6. COUNTERFEITERS:  Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians.
0A

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.

Did You Know This About
Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It’s because she smells like a new golf bag!

Find your voice
Marketing (in all its forms) is unlike everything else an organization does, because it’s always different. There’s no manual because everyone does it differently, and what successful marketers have in common is that they are successful.
The only way your organization is going to make an impact is to market in the way only you can. Not by following some expert’s rules or following the herd, but by doing it in the way that works. For you. Don’t worry about someone else’s invented standards for new media, invent your own. Avoid obvious mistakes, don’t follow obvious successes.
Find your voice, don’t copy someone else’s.

I like seth Godin. he has some great advice on marketing, business and sales if you are interested in his thoughts sign up for his daily blog.

Seth Godin

Also find your voice. I am trying to find mine in the blog. It seems like I am leaning towards jokes, rants and restaurant reviews. But more people than not, want me to keep it edgy and riddled with soft porn. ( pervs)

I was told today that I do not write enough about sports. That is odd, because next to eating, I know the most about sports. That is why I do not write about woman, because I know the least about them.

So Shanna, here goes:

Football:

Steelers won’t win it next year.

Pats will be in it if  HEALTHY…

Chargers have the best team, but are f’d up in the front office and coaching

Detroit will win 3, but who will be the first  they win against? I say the Redskins on 9/27/09 Jesus those poor bastards have a tough schedule.

Jets will win only 5. They take a huge slide. Sanchez will not be primetime for awhile

All of my fav college teams are in trouble- Alabama, Michigan and BC.

Ohio State will never win the national title no matter how much they pay their players.

Woman’s Sports:

Call me names, call me a chauvinist, call me ignorant, but I just don’t care about them. I try to watch, but they do not float my boat.

Some of the woman golfers are hot though.

Baseball:

I wished I liked it as much as the other crazies around here. It is just too slow.

Yankees suck- they will never win it all till they get rid of A-Rod. he is the curse.

Sox have the best pitching

Theo is an organizational genius, but he sucks at Free Agents.

Terry Francona. Dude what the hell are you eating all the time?

If I say that Wakefield sucks for the next 10 years, I have to be right one of these years don’t I?

Celtics:

Don’t look now, but they Green are sinking fast

Age and injuries will be the death of them

I guess Rondo is a prick to be around.

Is Paul Pierce a Blood or a crip?

They need height, and for God sakes not another white guy.

They pick number 58 in the draft. They will probably get a small white guard out of Nichols college in Dudley with that low a pick.

The B’s:

Peter Chiarelli was the difference. He is the best thing that happened to them I think.

The salary cap was the next best thing. It Made ole jeremy Jacobs spend the money.

The B’s will be the next Champion in this town.

after the B’s I would say Red Sox, Pats and the Celtics in that order.

nascar:

You have to love Tony Stewart. This might be his year. He got nosed out on the road course yesterday, but he will be there in the end.

Golf:

Tiger is so far ahead of the pack.

I might seem like an ass, but I am glad Mickelson came in second. When you have that many Yankee fans rooting for you, something is wrong.

Monty

Just for fun, look at my sports review from one year ago on July 2nd 2008

Sports review 2008

I have not changed too many opinions.

No this is not about what you think………..

Jesus, you people have sick minds………….

I am talking about deliveries. Something just came up today that reminded me about how people promise you something and then do not deliver.

Lets say you bought a couch, or a TV. You pay for it to be delivered and they say like a week from now between 8:00Am and Noon  OR Noon to 4:00

They call to confirm the night before, so you take a days vacation or a half day to be there. Hoping beyond hope that they will be closer to 8:00 than the Noon time.

If they ever do fall between that 4 hour slot how many times are they there at 11:45? everytime right?

That would be OK in most cases, because they at least showed up, BUT, how many times do they call at 11:30 and say ” HMM We might be a little late..”

We ran into a problem, or we are just leaving our other drop off in ( Cranston RI) we might be there by 3:00 ( lunch takes 2 hours)

WTF!!!   They said 8-12. You took time off of work, and these nitwits on the truck cannot handle that. Somebody schedules stuff, they give them ample time to do what they have to do and even give a fudge factor, how is it that they never show up?

Does this bother anyone else?

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.

The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,

but definitely a Caucasian,
WHITE baby boy.

‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents.
‘Well Mr. Wong,
what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white,
so I think we will name him…

Sum Ting Wong

And another thing!!!

Here is something that pisses me off.

Parking Ya parking fees to be exact.

How come when ever you go to an event, you have to pay for parking. Isn’t it enough that you paid for the ticket or admission?

They all do it. at Games, at concerts, at amusement parks. You pay through the nose, and then they ahve to grab you at gate too. before you go to a Patriots game, you have to shell out $50 for parking.

If my memmory is good( ya right!) I think Disney does not charge. You just have to have a ticket. Tell me if I am wrong. You drive into the “goofy” lot and take the tram in to the place, where you pay through the nose. Then you get out, and you cannot remember if you were in chip and Dale, or Snow White or goofy?

I think Nascar is free too. Nascar gets it still. you go to a nascar event, and you park for free, you bring your own booze and beer with you into your seat in a cooler and you can still smoke em if you have them right in your seat.

Paying for parking sucks!

After posting this, I have since learned that:

My dear friend,

You could not be more wrong about Disney World… This Past Winter I think it was 8.00 or 10.00 to park for the day… However… you can hop with your vehicle from park to park with your car if you have already paid. Most Disney hotels also charge a minimum $ 10.00 a day to park at all the hotels. Soooo if you are at a hotel and opt to take your car you must also pay to park in the parks parking area… that can run you a whopping $ 20.00 a day in the most fun place on earth to park when there is more open land around that park in Florida than there is in the entire state of New York… What a country

Signed

Pissed off Park Parker in Paquipsy……….

That reminds me, that I get pissed off too when I  get charged for parking at a hotel.

I love valet service, but why do I have to pay for it. It should be free hence the word service.

Alright enough is enough. It is June 23rd. That is 23 days in June. it has rained for 21 of those days and the next 3 days call for more rain. enough is enough.

Stop raining, I cannot take it anymore. I am about ready to pack up the animals two buy two and start loading up the boat like Noah.

A person can only take so much.

Where is the sun?

You know in30 days, you will see the signs posted that we are in a drought and you have have to stop watering your lawn. Maybe the town ought to save some of this water.

Enough already!!! Stop raining.

Conventions: You gotta love them!!!

Where else would some hot chick talk to some old over weight red faced guy and smile?

Find out what special events are celebrated during the month of June.

* Dairy Month

* Great Outdoors Month

* National Adopt-A-Cat Month

* National Drive Safe Month

* National Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month

* National Iced Tea Month

* National Rose Month

* National Safety Month

* National Tennis Month

* Potty Training Awareness Month

* Turkey Lovers Month

* Zoo and Aquarium Month

Are you shitting me. Who doesn’t have a month.
I looked and looked and looked and there is national Oral sex month.
Would somebody please start a campaign.

What is it you say? Good question.

The wikipedia answer is:

The Battle of Bunker Hill took place on June 17, 1775 on Breed’s Hill, during the Siege of Boston early in the American Revolutionary War. Because most of the fighting did not occur on Bunker Hill itself, the conflict is sometimes more accurately (though less frequently) called the Battle of Breed’s Hill.

What it really is, is a stupid made up holiday by the hack politicians in Boston to have yet another day off. The only ones off, are state workers.

It is a fraud. Isn’t it enough that we just had Evacuation Day on March 17th to commemorate something else stupid. Oh ya that was a day made up, so all the Irish state workers and politicians could have St Patty’s Day off.

This cannot sound any more bizarre than it is. Did I even mention patriots day the month in between these two months of stupid holidays.

If you are from somewhere other than Massachusetts, does this sound at all plausible that the state would make holidays up to give their workers off, while the rest of us work?

RETRACTION:

I have to print a retraction. Since this post went up on Bunker Hill day, I have had time to sit with some State workers( I am told that that is not an oxymoron). and they have enlightened me to the fact that it is not their fault that they have off, and they would clearly rather be working, but are forced to take these dubious and suspect days off.
In reality, the workers in the private sector get “floating” days off and State workers do not, so instead of a floater, they make up these holidays.
I am aware now that state workers do work, and that they are getting very sensitive to the fact that other layabouts in the private sector, who make much more money and spend theirs days golfing and internet surfing are the ones that are casting these viscous fabrications and falsehoods.
Now that I am enlightened to the total dedication and service of these state workers, I can only stand up and salute them for their diligent work effort. Without them, we could not run this state and or this country.
Join me in saluting the State worker. I think July 20th should be state worker day. we should give all state workers a day off in July too.

monty

Today starts the 2009 US Open golf tournament. It is one of the three majors that I watch. Always at a tough golf course with really high rough. It actually makes these guys look human to play this difficult game.

I had a chance to play Bethpage BLACK. It is all it is cracked up to be. It might be the toughest and best golf course I have ever played. Not the most beautiful, but the best all around.

In 1923,  Who Was:

1.  President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the  largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock  Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of th e  Bank of International Settlement?
6.. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These  men were considered some of the world’s most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know  what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the  largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

Died a  pauper.

2. The president of the  largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

Went  insane.

3. The president of the  NYSE,
Richard Whitney,

Was  released from prison
To die at  home.

4. The greatest wheat  speculator,
Arthur Cooger,

Died  abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
The Bank of International Settlement,

Shot  himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall  Street,
Cosabee Livermore,

Also  committed suicide

However,

In that same year, 1923,  the PGA Champion
And the winner of the most important golf tournament,
The US Open,
Was

Gene  Sarazen.

What became of  him?

He  played golf until he was 92,
Died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was  financially secure
At the time of his death.

The  Moral:

Fuck work.
Play golf.