I tell people about this event all the time. In the summer on a Saturday night in providence, they light up the city.
A river runs through the city. They have these metal baskets in the water every 30 feet or so. they light bonfires in each and keep feeding the fire throughout the night.
That is nice and all. It is like sitting by a campfire. But the best part, is that they pump music through speakers, they have street acts and concessions, and they even have gondolas that go up and down the river carrying people.
It is romantic and fun. It is for all ages.
I highly recommend you do this if you have never done it.
Providence is one of the best kept secrets around this area. It is easy to get to, and they have phenomenal restaurants, shopping and clubs.
Do yourself a favor and try it out soon. Winter lasts a long time.
Leroy and L’Quiesha go to the San Leon Primitive Baptist Church revival and listen to the preacher.
After a while the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.
Leroy gets in line, and when it’s his turn, the preacher asks: “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
Leroy replies: “Preacher, I needs you to pray for my hearing.”
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy’s ear, places the other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and prays and prays and prays. He prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, “Leroy, how is your hearing now?”
Leroy says, “I don’t know, Reverend, it ain’t till next Wednesday.”
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, ‘I have a question that’s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
St. Peter said, ‘That’s a question only God can answer.’
So the zebra went off in search of God.
When he found Him, the zebra asked, ‘God, please – I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?’
God simply replied ‘You are what you are.’
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, ‘Well, did God straighten out your query for you?’
The zebra looked puzzled. ‘No sir, God simply said ‘You are what you are.”
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, ‘Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.’
The zebra asked St. Peter, ‘How do you know that for certain?’
‘Because,’ said St. Peter, ‘If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, ‘You is what you is.’
WARNING:
If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin right over to kick your white honky ass!!!!
Autographs are stupid. Why do you want one? If you are over 10, shame on you. Do not even tell the person that you want it for a kid. You are lying.
Celebrities, do not want to give them and you dont need to bother them. If Angelina Jolie is eating in a restaurant that you are at. try not to gawk and for God sakes, do not walk over and say, I hate to bother you, but could you sign my menu? or worse, can you sign my breast.
Your answer is, that it could be valuable. Well then the person should be able to say no. You are trying to profit from their name and signature. They should charge you.
If you want it personal. then ask them to write something personal, like to my fat little drunken buddy Mike from pembrke ma. This will diminish the value.
Don’t get me started about standing in line for a book signing.
Anyway, if you are looing for an autoggraph and you are over 10. GROW UP.
Shake the persons hand, tell them you appreciate their artistry and move along
The answer is no and yes. I just figured it out. after spending a life time buying and trying to use super glue, the only thing it sticks to is your fingers.
No Shit!!!
Has it ever worked for you? I bet not. Yesterday I broke my sunglasses. No problem right? Easy fix, get the super glue. We all have it. Of course you do. I have been buying it for years.
I put it on, and it did not work. Of course not, it never works. I have tried to fix cups, wood, glasses, picture frames you name it, and I have tried to glue it.
The only thing it sticks to is your fingers.
Get this… It was invented by mistake by a Doctor in World war II who was trying to find a way to close wounds quickly. Der!! of course it works. it sticks to fingers and skin that is it.
So some genius marketed it by showing some construction guy holding his hard hat glued to a beam. We made someone rich on a product that does not work.
Ask yourself one question. Has it ever worked for you?
A guy just can’t own too many tools.
I just bought this new gauge from Lowes Tool Dept.
It takes a while to learn all the settings but I’m pretty handy, and was patient, so I figured it out eventually.
You know for sure with this gauge, there is no more guessing!
Men love a nine, a ten is better but a 11 is out of this world.
Lowes…….A man’s toy store……… ?
It is raining again today, and it reminded me of the Puddles the Duck joke:
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the Bartender.
The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn’t mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar.
The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The Bartender decides to try to make some conversation. “What’s your name?” he says to the first duck.
“Huey,” said the first duck.
“How’s your day been, Huey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.”
“Oh. That’s nice,” says the Bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, “Hi. And what’s your name?”
“Dewey,” came the answer.
“So how’s your day been, Dewey?”
“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again.”
So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, “So, you must be Louie.”
“No,” growls the third duck, “My name is Puddles. And don’t ask about my damn day.”
I do not usually weigh in on current events, or issues. I like to keep it lite and funny with a smattering of “R” rated stuff.
But from what I have heard, this Skip Gates jerk is starting to piss me off.
This goes back to when my brother was editor of the Boston magazine. They ran a feature article on the ” head Negro in Charge in 1998. This caused such a fuss, that My Bro did not stay in that job long. It was a complimentary article, that of course the liberals took offense to.
Now it turns out that he says he is 56% white and really only part black or negro, or whatever he wants to be called. I call him a pompous ass.
This poor cop gets a call of a break in, he does his job, and then this ass turns sour and keeps screaming at him to the point he has to be arrested. Now you and I know, that he must have been a complete and utter asshole in order for him to be cuffed and hauled out of his house.
Now the president, and the governor and and that moron Al Sharpton are putting in their two cents.
Every 44% black man, or full 100% black person is outraged.
Please people, this is not Rodney King. This is not racial profiling. No one got pulled out of a truck and got half beaten to death. This was a simple burglary call where some pompous asshole Harvard professor decides that he wants to make a scene.
I personally feel bad for that cop.
maybe something will come out and I will be wrong, but I think not.
Also, would my president and my Governor just shut the fuck up on this issue. I dont even know why I am wasting my time.
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY
!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started…..
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started…
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive…
so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’
And then the fight started….
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…
******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started…..
My aunt and uncle decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered,a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, “George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude.”
“Harriet, she’s a prostitute.”
“I don’t believe you. That sweet young thing?”
“Let’s go up to our room and I’ll prove it..”
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for ‘Bambi’ to come to Room 217. “Now,” he said, “you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?”
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.
George asked, “How much do you charge?”
“$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services..”
Even George was taken aback. “$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25.”
Bambi laughed derisively. “You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price.”
“Well,” said George, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.”
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, “I just can’t believe it!”
George said, “Let’s forget it. We’ll go have a drink, then eat dinner.”
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, “See what you get for $25?”
I had lunch here today. I used to love to go here when I worked a little closer. I loved the tuna on the salad. They had the best bread anywhere. The fresh baked pizza dough was folded in half, and always served warm. so much better than the usual pita crap you get at the other spuckie places
What else I liked was the blaring loud Italian Gangster music. it came from the speakers behind the trellace of plastic leaves. It was so loud, you could hardly hear yourself think. But the food was good.
HOWEVER, the last few times I was there, they must have changed owners.The cute girl and her husband ( or brother? not sure what the deal was there) are no longer there. They now have rude inconsiderate foreigners who cannot speak english and do not know what customer service is.
What a shame.
Here is how my last experience went down. I ordered my favorite tuna on a bed of salad ( the tuna has the onion and celery mixed in ( that is key) with the white tuna. I also had a water and got an extra salad dressing. One is never enough.
The bill comes and it is $10.02. I give the cashier a $20. she counts out a five, 4 one’s and start to count out 98 cents.
Are you shitting me? how about giving me a $10 ( sawbuck) and calling it a day. I say whoa! wait, I will go to the car and get the two cents, which I procede to do.
Now I am pissed. The screwed me on the cost of a salad. charged me an extra buck for the kens 2 oz package of desssing, and they cannot comp me a lousy 2 cents? Assholes!!
What the hell is 2 cents? you cannot even get penny candy for 2 cents. Nobody wants to hear your 2 cents worth of anything. People throw their pennies away. If you were vacuminng your car, you would suck them up before you would pick up 2 cents.
Stay away from this place. The food sucks, The Weymouth store sucks, and they rip you off. Where have the old owners gone? I hope the place goes out of business.
Monty
1/2 * out of 5
I give it 1/2 because they still give you the bread.
Enough on this subject. I do not know why Red Sox fans always hate the Yankees, but always want to be like them.
You cannot be a kid in a candy store all the time. everytime a new car comes out, you might like it, but you dont have to sell the kids to buy it.
Hold onto the kids in the farm system. They are potentially very very good. I would rather see a young kid come up like bard or buckholtz than a $20,000, 000 player.
Do you really want to face these kids in your division for the next 8 years? Especially when they are getting peanuts to play for the next 5-6 years.
While I am at it, the Sox need Bats badly. They also need a catcher badly. Does anybody watch Varitek and think that he has any chance of hitting the ball. I think all his hits are mistakes. He swings and gets lucky once in awhile. The only thing he is hitting i guess is that hot sportscaster Heidi Whatney. Good for him on that front. I wouldn’t mind seeing a hidden video on her like Erin Andrews.
If you hear a “loud rumble” tonight in the sky, don’t worry. It’s not thunder. It’s Elvis beating the shit out of Michael Jackson for marrying his daughter.
Is your dog single? Lonely? Having a hard time meeting other dogs?
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