This weekend, the boat owners on D Dock ( the D stands for derelicts) threw a rip roaring pirate party. On short notice, it was absolutely amazing how everybody got their costumes together.
we had over 100 pirates and wenches.If you were not dressed up, you stood out like a sore thumb.
Dj Monty spun up the tunes and we had prizes for best pirate ( Dave Green) Best wench ( Rocking Robin) Best couple ( the slushettes) Best boat ( D Dock)
There were so many people that should have won it was not fair to pick any one winner.
Of course I have a video and a slideshow.
This will be an annual event, so get yur costumes and dancing boots ready for the 2010 party. There is talk about a hawaiian luau in September.
1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet…Faggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeez you’re so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits. Anything else and you are a homo in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘decaf soy latte’. If you’ve put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler
According to a source familiar with the situation, the Red Sox have designated Julio Lugo for assignment. The Red Sox will have 10 days to assign Lugo’s contract to another major or minor league club, whether it be via trade or through waivers. Lugo is finishing the third of a four-year deal which pays him $10 million per season. Lugo is hitting .284 in 37 games with the Red Sox this season. CLICK HERE to read the entire blog post.
Monty was going to be married to Joanne, so his father sat him down for a
little chat.
He said, ” JR, let me tell you something….On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said,
“Here – try these on.”
She did and said, “These are too big, I can’t wear them.”
I replied, “Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.”
“Ever since that night we never had any problems.”
“Hmmm,” said Monty. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his
honeymoon, Monty took off his pants and said to
JOJO, “Here – try these on.”
She tried them on and said, “These are too big. They don’t fit me..”
Monty said, “Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
Then Joanne took off her pants and handed them to Monty. She said,
“Here-you try on mine.”
He did and said, “I can’t get into your pants.”
Joanne said, “Exactly. And if you don’t change your smart ass attitude,
you never will.”
You know them, we all know them. They are annoying as Hell!!!
When you travel, they read all the signs out loud.
Here is a for instance. You are driving in the car down the highway and the person says ” Holiday Inn” or Rest Area Ahead” ” Buffalo 126 Miles”
one hour later ” Buffalo 82 miles” Even though you are not going to friggin Buffalo.
These people also read billboards. They do not even do it to you, they sort of just verbalize their thoughts, like they are reading out loud. They would say “Stuckeys” and “Citgo”
These people also state the obvious.
They say things like ,
Its windy out
its raining hard
boy thats a lot of traffic
its hot out
No shit I know it is raining. Its hot, and no shit we are stuck in traffic.
By the way, this is not someone I know, it is a general observation. So don’t think it is you.
I will leave the rant about backseat drivers for another day.
One thing I have learned lately, is that the thing I hate most in life is advice.
Everybody seems to have some for you. It can be life advice, marriage advice, advice about how to bring up your kids, or financial advice, medical advice.
People want to tell you how to diet, drive, excercise etc. It is endless.
I particularly love people that give you medical advice. Doctors go to school for 10 years and practice everyday, and have all the latest and best equipment. When they do not know what is wrong with you, NO PROBLEM, just ask Joe the plumber. He will tell you exactly what is wrong with you.
He says things like ” oh dont listen to that DR” or this is what you have, my aunt had that.
Please people no more advice. At least not unsolicited advice.
Think about it in your own life, the most fucked up people give you the most advice.
I can give you my opinion, or some life experience, like a restaurant review, but that is not advice.
“TENJOOBERRYMUDS”…
This is a hoot…. sad, because it is TRUE….. but a hoot!!!!
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”…
In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”.
With a little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes…
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today……
They are beautiful and e a better display than they were given
Mayor Mumbles menino screwed the pooch on this one. he wanted more money ans somehow made a beautiful thing into a poltical football and stained the whole event.
I went in on Sunday and it was a boating shitshow. nit wit boaters everywhere. It was a scene from the boatniks.
Anyway here is a video from the knot covered if you are interested.
monty
FYI I am alive and well still. I have no idea what is wrong with me, and either do the doctors. I will keep going the same as usual, until someone can tell me why I am fucked up.
I am lying in bed in the south shore hospital with my roommate Mel from Abington. Mel and I have decided to make a bucket list and breakout of here. here is what we have come up with. Mel is 73 and I am 53. Mel snores like a chainsaw
I ended up in the south shore hospital with stroke and heart attack symptoms. I seem to be fine, but when I do take the big dirt nap, PLEASE put on my grave the words ” I told you I was sick”
Far be it from me to be talking to people about their problems, but I am really bothered lately by the epidemic we are having with prescription drugs.
I am talking about percocets and oxycontin and those types of drugs. These nasty highly addictive drugs get not only the casual drug user, but, regular people that start out with back pain, or a tooth ache, or the chicken pox.
The doctors load you up with these pills and then only three things happen.
one, you get smart and get off them before you are addicted. You are usually addicted long before the pain stops. Secondly, the doctor keeps giving them to you, and you are screwed. Third, the doctor takes them away, and you start getting them on the street.
Oh Monty, you are overstating this. No friggin way. I can point to more than a dozen people I personally know, who are in this state, or have been through it, or are DEAD! ya dead. These things are killing people.
First you go through all of your money, then you start stealing and lying, then you find other drugs that are cheaper. Then you are fucked.
If you have pain or had an operation PLEASE do not take too many of these pills. I know too many people that their lives are in a shamble because of them.
Just a full wedge shot. But watch out for the wind direction
Forget pitch and putt – this tee-off point on top of a 430m mountain inSouth Africa is the hardest golf shot in the world, and more than $US1 million awaits the player who can score a hole in one.
Players must take a helicopter to the top to play the longest – and highest – par three on the planet.
Taking the shot also requires courage – a player needs to teeter terrifyingly close to the edge of the mammoth hillside.
Indeed, the Extreme 19th Hole is so high the ball takes almost 30 seconds to reach the ground.
Channel Nine cricket commentator Mark Nicholas recently joined an elite list to have the shot in just three swings.
“It was awesome, riveting and phenomenal,” he said. “It’s like the end of the world when you get up there and it’s an awful lot of fun
“It’s such an adrenalin rush taking the helicopter up and then rushing back down.”
The hole is based at the Legends Golf and Safari Resort, within the Entabeni Safari Conservancy in South Africa’s north-eastern LimpopoProvince.
The other 18 holes were designed by world golfing legends including Trevor Immelman, Sergio Garcia, Padraig Harrington and Australia’s Robert Allenby.
A round of golf – including a budggy and lunch – will set you back R450 ($A70).
The Extreme 19th costs is R6700 ($A1060) per four ball, that includes helicopter ride, souvenir cap and glove and a DVD of you playing the hole.
So far, no one has even come close pocketing the million-dollar prize, but Harrington became the first golfer to conquer the hole within par.
Harrington said: “This is the type of innovation and excitement we need to get more people playing golf.
“There aren’t many new innovative ways to play the game but this is certainly one of the best.
“I think this hole is awesome – I love the whole experience, the helicopter, the views, the drama and having the green the shape of Africa.
“And now I’ve got bragging rights over all the other professionals who have played this and not managed to make a three. I love everything about it.”
