Entries from September 2009 ↓

Once upon a time when a little girl was 4 years old it ALL STARTED. She dreamed of marrying a prince one day and living happily ever after. for over 20 years she dreamed of the day she would get married to her prince. She would have a beautiful white dress and a sparkling ring, and walk down the aisle with her favorite person until that day, her dad.

Fast forward 20 or so years and here we are. It statrted in the spring when prince charming came to me and asked if he could marry my little princess and fulfill all her dreams. I said yes.

Fast forward 5 months till he could afford the giant rock.

Within minutes of the proposal, the wedding books were out and the seating plans were being made out.
What date?
where?
Who?
Band or DJ?
spring or fall?
Cake or cupcakes?

The decisions are falling faster than jason Variteks batting average.
It seems like a wirlwind now.a week after the proposal, we have the hall we have the music planned and the only decision is wheteher the open bar should be per person or by consumption?

WOW!!!!!! why didnt somebody tell me what I was in for. As I said to my daughter’s fiance, we are only pawns at this moment. You got on your knee and I am relegated to just writing checks. If I only had a dollar for every time my wife said to me that ” you only have one daughter” I could have paid for the wedding already.

Here is the deal as I know it from the bride and her wedding planner (JOJO)

10/10/10 is the date

Reception at the Villa in East bridgewater.
filet mignon with swordfish
mood lights
open bar and expensive appetizers

And I thought college tuition was expensive Geez.

Well I only have one daughter and she is my princess, so I guess I am only a pawn in the whole scheme of things.

Good luck to the both of you. I only have one thing to say. Vegas is only a 6 hour flight and Elvis is waiting for you..HaHa

Wedding Hall

Last wekend I went to my home away from home in the Adirondacks to see Bob and Pam get hitched  ” country style”

Fred gives a warm toast, which seemed more like a roast of Bob.

Lake george in the morning

More bad videography not my best work

Congrats to Pam and Bob ( that is Bob with one “o” )

This is amazing
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I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

I told them to Fuck off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!*

The Journey of a Man  we all take time to learn 

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. 

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I
decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time
and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. 

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.  She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became
so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with
her.  She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So
I decided to find girl with some real ambition. 

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned. 

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits. 

If I had only known earlier in life !!

JJ’s pub

16 Liberty street

Hanson, Ma

781-293-9864

Great place!!  I have been going here for 30 years! It is always the same. The thing that stands out the most for me is the ice cold beer. I do not even really like beer, but I drink it here. It is frosty cold.

I also like the pregaming at JJ’S. You can get cheddar cheese from the display, and popcorn while you wait for your order. Apps are good too.

save room for the entree it is bountiful and comes with plenty of sides. This is goooood comfort food at an affordable price.

They also have a nice little bar that you can hang at, if you can get there before the regulars.

My kids always liked it when we had a wait, because they could play with the pinball machine.

The downsides of the place might be the parking, the less than desireable bathrooms, and i think they only take cash.

When I was younger, they used to have the JJ’S Platter. This was rediculous. It was the signature dish. It was a huge pizza pan with a 3 inch paper collar that ran around in a circle. they would fill it with fries, onion rings, whole belly clams, shrimp, haddock and scallops. No two people could eat it. It was FANTASTIC!!

A side note. 20 years ago, I used to live across the street. Every once in awhile the telephone lines would get switched, and I would get all the take out calls that night.  It was a blast. I would take the order and the name, and then say 20 minutes. I would repeat this all night. Everybody would show up and be bullshit that their order was not taken.  Still  makes me laugh a little today!!

Good place!  check it out…..

Is anybody as frustrated as me when they have to wait in a waiting room and you cannot find anything worthwhile to read?

It makes me crazy!!!!!!

I made the mistake one time of getting my haircut in a womans hair salon.

OMG there is nothing to read there. Brides magazine, people, soaps daily, cosmopolitan.  are you serious. other than the hot girls in the ads, what could I possibly want to read?

Ok the doctors office. another problem. They have forbes, time, national geographic. Way too many kids magazines. They do not interest me.

The only place that seems to get it for me is the barber shop. They have the newspaper, and sports illustrated, and even a girly magazine or two. I think I got my first peek at a playboy when i was 6 or 7 at Blackies barbershop in columbian square. They probably can’t get away with that now.

I have a suggestion, I would like to see a martini bar,or keno, or a video game station, or a wifi setup, or maybe a pinball machine.  HEY I know I have ADD and that I am not 9 and should be able to sit still for a few minutes, but the magazine selection is just wrong, and or why not entertain me or wine and dine me while i wait. it will make the time go by easier. The new car dealers are starting to get it. The last time i went to the Lexus dealer, they had a lunch bar with sandwiches and salads, along with a concierge type person that catered to you while you wait. You may have to buy a $80,000 car like i did, but this kind of service should filter down to every wait.

I got married 30 years ago today.

I thought I was happy that day and I was. But as I sit here today writing this, I am happier today than I was in 1979. Everyday that goes by I giggle just thinking about what a lucky man I am to be married to my wife Joanne.

She was then, and she is now, the number one single most important person in my life.

Joanne I love you and happy Anniversary..

.Love
Glenn

XOXOXOXO
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Sorry for the interlude and mushy moment. Back to jokes and porn tommorow.

Monty

A traveling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was
playing. A sign read:
“Don’t Miss The Amazing Jew.”
The intrigued salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the center ring , was a table with three
walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Jewish man wearing a name tag with
the name, ‘Morty,’ written on it.
After the applause died down, Morty dropped his pants, whipped out the
biggest schvantz any man could possibly have and smashed all the
walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the old Jewish man was carried off on
their shoulders to the tune of Hava Nagila.

Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found
the same circus and saw the same sign now faded, “Don’t Miss The
Amazing Jew.”
He couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing
his act! He bought a ticket.
Again, the center ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on
the table.
There stood Morty before them.
The drum rolled, Morty dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with
three swings of his amazing schlahng.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with Morty after the
show.
“You’re incredible,” he told Morty, “but I have to know something.
When I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts.
Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?”
“Vell, I tell ya sumtin,” said Morty, “my eyes ain’t vaht dey used to
be!”

Now that we have started off the 2009 season at 0-2 Are you scared?

0-2 you say? Monty you are wrong. We are 1-1

No we are not. We lost the opener at home to Buffalo. They handed us the game winning score, but  WE LOST THE GAME.

NO kidding we are 0-2. And going nowhere. We lack talent and heart. The Bills and the J.E.T.S. wanted it more and got it done.

Quick grades:

Coach     D

Brady     F

O-Line   F

Committee This means running backs B-

Wide Outs B  ( not their fault that they do not know the plays. When was the last time we drafted one? The only end we had from last year was Moss.

D LIne-B

Lb’s – D

DB’S- F

Kicking-A

We are lacking talent do the lack of drafting anything that resembles talent in the last 5 years. Did you see #24 Whilhite. OMG he sucks.

When have we drafted a wideout, or a linebacker ( you say Mayo right- Well you are right-You see what happens when you draft correctly) There were plenty of them this year to pick from.

When have we selected a shut down corner?

No Talent = No Wins…

WE were outcoached. out hustled and Brady had a bad game. This is a bad recipe. Look for other teams to do it to us too.

Would someone have the balls to dump maroney please!!!

This is going to be a long year…

O.K. Honey!
We’re here!
I said I was sorry!
You can come out now

If I take out my phone, one word of advice   RUN!!!

ed fornier anfd two girls I paid to kiss him

she was more money

Kitchen Don and Steve

mac attack

John Hackett

Monty! You are so funny.. You kill me

she gave me $20 to pose with her no kidding..

Elvis lives and is hiding in the cookie aisle at Walmart

Jesus Please help this man. Looks like a homeless John Trahan

This guy belongs on “b” dock. He is probably shopping for a cruise on the Three witches…

No shoes, no pets, and no friggin birds.  looks like barretta’s bird

No words for this! dont they know that we have a new president?

Shit Stain. Last time i saw a guy in this state i was camping with Mike omelia

Take this man back to the home if you see him again. with a net hopefully..

Other than a german shephard, who would do her?

I don’t want to know what she looks like from the front, or what her tee shirt says…

Level 3 or level 4?   Is that Don Kiley?

WTF is the problem here. My mom did it to me too.

Only issue here is the two color socks

5     things that I wish I could do ( or do better )

1. Type- I wish I could type without looking at the keys and fast. it would make my life much easier. The bad spelling on the minute, is not spelling at all, it is TYPO”S
2. Dance- It looks like fun, and the chicks love it when a guy can dance. I was afflicted with white man disease. I cannot dance a lick. I can slow dance in a circle, and I can do the foot slide, and i can do the sprinkler, but dance No way! You heard about my flirtation with dance school
3. Play an instrument- Can’t  no way. I could not carry a note in a wheelbarrow. I always admired people that could play the guitar or the piano. Same goes for art. wish I could draw too. I got a special report in coloring in the second grade. I was scarred. who sends a note home to a 7 year olds mom and says that your son cant draw.
4. Golf- 30 years I have been trying. I have never got any better. Matter of fact I am getting worse. Someone said that the definition of INSANITY is someone that keeps repeating the same task with the same results.
5. Lose weight- I would like to be skinny I really would. I can’t seem to do it. maybe my wish should be that I have discipline…HMMM

what would you like to do better?

careful what you wish for

Shit, I am already on the 3rd one!!!

The doctor, after his examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walked into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so good. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’

The friend’s were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??’
‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, ‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’

1. Colombian Square in South Weymouth- You take your life in your hands every time through. If they gave a driving test here, nobody would pass. Just close your eyes and gun it.
2. Braintree five corners- Jesus Christ 5 roads all with two lanes all converging and all backed up.
3. Queen Anne’s corner in Norwell- This is a shitshow today, and they just finished a 4 year project that probably cost us like $5,000,000. Traffic is backed up for miles.
4. Quincy center- corner of  Hancock. This is a screwed up loop.
5. Weymouth- again by the Walmart. Traffic from everywhere.

What am I missing? Let me know what i left out.

I keep preaching to you that I watch sports with my eyes, and i do not fall in love with stars or uniforms. People are blinded by love and adoration of players and what they used to be able to do. They all move along and you should too.

Bruschi- he was done for a long time

Matt Light- It is over and he is over rated

Maroney_ Done before he got out of the gate

Patriots draft- This is the #1 reason the dynasty will end.

Varitek- finnally people including tito see it

Wakefield- He hangs in, but the reason I never liked him “besides the fact he spurned my kid for an autograph in his first year with the sox”, is that you cannot trust him in a big game. That is why he is always left off the playoff roster.

By the way, Phil Kessel will be gone, because he does not like the coach. Mike Sullivan was the best coach.

Paul Pierce is a choker, as is brett Farve and as was Bledsoe.

AN ITALIAN BOY’S CONFESSION

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Dave Gilberto ?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

‘I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation’.

“Well, Davey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Corrine Wright?’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Was it Andrea Longo?’

‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Robin Lucas?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Darlene Hatfield?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

‘Was it Ellen Allan, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

The priest sighs in frustration.
‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you’ve sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months..
Now you go and behave yourself.’

Dave walks back to his pew,
and his friend BW slides over and whispers,
‘What’d you get?’

‘Four months vacation and five good leads.’