Entries from November 2009 ↓

NICKNAMES:

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.
• If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT:

• When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS:

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a  towel .
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these  items.

ARGUMENTS:

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:

• Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

“The largest was 48.81 pounds without the neck and edible organs.

The average weight was a respectable 36.42 pounds without the neck and edible organs.”

Next year I think some of you that only watched might try to pitch in. I am only sorry there are no photos of her plucking feathers.

For those that weren’t these will show you what you missed.

Maybe after seeing how much fun we had you will come next year.

As a warning, that I don’t really think is required, there may be some of you that could possibly find some of the photos disturbing, which I personally find disturbing.

For some reason my friend Ed bennett does not go to the store like the rest of us at Thanksgiving, but he buys these tiny turkeys and then fattens them up with what looks like to be the “monty” diet. These birds are fat.

Here are some pics.

Just thought I would say something about razor blades.

They are the one thing I can think of that is so much better than the old version, and they keep getting better.

Razor blades now last way longer than before. They do not rip up your face and they actually give you a good shave.

When i first started shaving, you had those old two sided blades that dropped into a slot in the razor. You got about 6 shaves and you dropped the blade in a slot in the back of the medicine cabinet. Strange to think about today. The razors just went on the floor in the walls between the joists. I can promise you that they are still in that wall today after 40 years.

Electric razors just Suck!!

My current favorite is the gillette Fusion

Monty

In the last year someone new is trying to take down the king of the hill that is WEEI.
Others have tried and failed. But this time, I think it might work. The “sportshub” is starting to take off and I like it.

Others have tried and failed. One station even tried to make it work with Eddie Andelman. Everyone in Boston is sick of hearing him talk about himself his family and hot dogs.

Here is how I see the battle, broken down by the shows:

Morning show

Toucher and Rich- Obnoxious kids trying to appeal to the younger  crowd that cannot stand the antics of the over the hill Dennis and Callahan. I am not a fan. They talk too much about stupid shit I do not care about. They also giigle like teenage girls.

Dennis & Callahan- While I agree with Callahans politics, I do not want to hear them on a sports show. I am a smart guy and I know lots of big words, but I do not use them all the time like D&C. Come on guy’s you are talking to a different demographic. Talk like Joe the plumber and not a Rhodes Scholar. Also, they need to get rid of the headlines segment at 7:45. John Meterperrel is a dork. I would guess that his dad got him the job.

The check mark goes to D&C.

MID DAY SHOW:

Tanguay & Zolak- I like these guys. One is a knowledgable jock and the other a pompous and pretentious nit wit, but it works for me.

Dale Arnold and Holley- Holley on his own might get my vote, but dale Arnold is the most annoying guy on the radio. He says things like gosh darn, and he likes everybody. He does not have an opinion about anybody. he takes the nice side of everything. He is the Mr Rogers of radio. he sucks!

Tanguay & Zolak get the check here.

Afternoon Drive Time

Big Show- Blah blah blah. I need a break from all the chatter. Glenn is a great personality, but they never shut up and they have way too many commercilas and skits. The show is too tough to listen to.

Felger & Massoroti- I know people do not like him, because he rubs people the wrong way, but he is my favorite personality on radio. Michael felger rocks. he is the anti Dale Arnold. He is a dogmatic guy with a backbone. He just says shit that he thinks. I think he has teretts. Love the show.

The nod goes to Felger and Maz

Nighttime

Mike adams- The planet mikey show rocks. he keeps it light and knows his stuff. He must smoke weed before and during the show. he is whacked. Even my wife likes him and she hates sports radio

Damon Amaendalare- I like that name ” Amendalare” It just flows off the tongue mellifluously. That is all i like though

Mikey Adams gets the nod here.

WEEI  2

98.5   2

I think in the long run, we should have two good stations to listen to. I like it, because I do not have to listen to the endless commercials. I just change the channel.

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors from Jamaica Bay… down a highway heading for the Casino when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?
We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth,’ she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them, then?’
The old lady replied, ‘We just love the chocolate around them…………………………

I do not know what this has to do with washing machines, but it is a great commercial……………

Fleggaard washing macines

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily . The funny thing is that it really does work.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity..
7 The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Laurence Maroney, the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You’re smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique.

Today is Greg’s Birthday. If you see him, wish him a Happy Birthday.

Never Drinking Again

I’m never drinking again.
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again

I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again.
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again

I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again.
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again

Heeelp Meeeeee!

NEVER EVER DRINKING again!!

NEVER
NEVER
NEVER
EVER

Stamper Trucking
Cushing Hill Road
Hanover, Ma 02339

TEL # 617-974-4544

Every time I have a move to make, I make the first call to Stamper Trucking in Hanover Ma.

I am not going to lie to you, I do not like movers. They tend to rip you off and they show up with sketchy smelly guys who I would not trust in my house or business.

Stamper Trucking is different. Peter Stamper owns the company and he is as hard a worker as I have ever seen.  He shows up on time and gets the job done right.

Peter is a family guy with a great family. This is the main reason I use them. These are the type of people you want to come into your home or business.

Peter has moved my house twice and my business twice. I have been more than pleased in every case.

• Professional
• inexpensive
• clean & courteous

Who would use Stamper trucking?

• house moves
• office moves
• need a piece of furniture picked up from a furniture store
• House cleanouts
• no job too big or small

I highly recommend Stamper Trucking for any of your moving needs.

Monty

WOW!!!

I do not know what to say!!  That was almost as bad as the loss to the Giants in the Super bowl.

The patriots beat them, and outplayed them. When it came down to it, they were simply out coached, or should I say the coach simply BLEW IT!!!

This has so many ramifications, that they are too long to list. I think the team will be deflated by this loss more than anything. The coach gave up on his defense. That cannot be good. Kick the damn ball and play DEFENSE. If they cannot get it done, then it goes back to coaching. A good Pats team would suck it up and  hold them out of the endzone.

I think BB must be on crack. No sane coach would do what he did.

I am going to hold the game commentary. today. I am too wound up about it to say anything nice. I will add though, that I am so right on two things that I have been harping on for years.

Lawrence maroney SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

Matt Light sucks!!!!!!!!!  Do you see what that rookie is doing? He is 10 times better than Light. Matt Light is a joke, and always will be. He is a clown who is always joking and doing commercials in ballerina outfits. he used to get turned like a turnstyle by Freeney even with constant help. The only thing he should do when he gets better is replace Nick Kaczur, who might be worse than him.

That was awful, just awful. I am finnaly speechless….

Monty

This is worth the watch!!!

I got a call from an irate reader this week.
It appears that this novice at a computer was on the world wide web. Let’s call him Scottie McKeon ( not his real name of course).

Well he gets his girlfriend… Let’s call her jackie ( not her real name) to show him how to get on the web. He says hey all my friends tell me how great the monty minute is. How doI get on? She shows him and he proceeds to go through a few blogs, until he stumbles on a link that says ” porn” he hits on that and an hour later, he is still watching smut. he has forgotten about the minute and it’s great content.
He knows that he needs to get off the computer, so he justs shuts down the cover on the laptop.
Jackie says ” how was the minute?” He says ” oh it was alright, just a bunch of jokes and pictures.

SOOOO!! The next day Jackie goes back to work with her LAPTOP in tow. She opens the laptop in full view of all her coworkers and guess what pops up???

You guessed it    PORN..

She was mortified, and horrified. Well ole Scottie McKeon is in big trouble and he is trying to blame monty for his BIG problem.

So be careful where you search, and if you do not know about a computer and how it works, be double careful.

Monty

For those of
you who have never been to “Bawstin”, this is a good
guideline. I hope you will consider coming to “Beantown”
in the near future.

Information on Boston and the surrounding area:

There’s no school on School Street, no court on
Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on
Water Street.

Back Bay streets are in alphabetical “oddah”: Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc.

If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you’re on Beacon Hill. If they’re named after poets, you’re in Wellesley.

Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave; Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave;

South Boston is Southie.
The South End is the South End.
East Boston is Eastie.
The North End is east of the former West End.
The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named
Rappaport got rid of them one night.
Roxbury is The Burry.
Jamaica Plain is J.P.
How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly: **Say it
wrong, be shunned**

Worcester: Wuhsta (or Wistah)
Gloucester: Glawsta
Leicester: Lesta
Woburn: Wooban
Dedham: Dead-um
Revere: Re -vee-ah
Quincy: Quinzee
Tewksbury: Tooks berry
Leominster: Lemin-sta
Peabody: Pee-ba-dee
Waltham: Walth-ham
Chatham: Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set but nevah Summerset!

Definitions:
Frappes have
ice cream, milkshakes don’t.
If it is fizzy and
flavored, it’s tonic.
Soda is CLUB
SODA.
“Pop” is DAD.
When we want Tonic
WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $7/pound,
you got scrod.
The underground train is not a subway. It’s the “T”, and it doesn’t run all night (fah
chrysakes, this ain’t Noo Yawk).
Order the “cold tea” in China Town after 2:00 am you’ll get a kettle full of beer.

It’s not a water fountain; it’s a bubblah.
It’s not a trashcan; it’s a barrel.
It’s not a spucky, a hero or grinder; it’s a sub.
It’s not a shopping cart; it’s a carriage.
It’s not a purse; it’s a pockabook.
They’re not franks; they’re haht dahgs.
(Franks are money in Switzahland).

Police don’t drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a “crooza”.
If you take the bus, you’re on the “looza crooza”.
It’s not a rubber band, it’s an elastic.
It’s not a traffic circle, it’s a rotary.
“Going to the islands” means Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket.

The Sox = The Red Sox
The C’s = The Celtics
The B’s = The Bruins
The Pat’s =The Patriots

Things not to do:Don’t pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd .. they’ll tow it to Meffa (Medford)
or Summahville (Somerville).
Don’t sleep on the Common. (Boston Common)
Don’t wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick’s Day.

Things you should know:
There are two
State
Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two
Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each).

The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha’:
“Solid blue, clear view….”
“Flashing blue, clouds due….”
“Solid red, rain ahead….”
“Flashing red, snow instead….” – except in summer when flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!

Most people live here all their life and still don’t know what the hell is going on with this one.

Route 128 South is the same as I-95 south.
It’s also I-93 north.
About Bostonians: Bostonians…. think that it’s their God-given right to cut off
someone in traffic.
Bostonians… think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R’s except in
“idea”).
Bostonians… think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.

Bostonians… refer to six inches of snow as a “dusting.”

Bostonians… always “bang a left” as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.

Bostonians… believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians… think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.

Bostonians… think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

I saw this youtube on line, and immediately ran down to my local pub ( The Four’s in Norwell) to try it.

It works. I love it. It makes what used to be a free for all for the drumsticks a thing of the past.

I cannot wait to go to Hooters soon….

Try it you will like it.

finger licking good!!