Entries from December 2009 ↓

As the decade comes to a close I have been thinking a lot about the greatest moment of this decade.
I have come up with only one clear cut winner>

The greatest moment was when Drew Bledsoe got hit by Mo Lewis and went down to open the door for Tom Brady.
That event single handedly made the decade for me….

Tomorrow is one of my buddies birthday. Jan 1st

I took these pictures of ed over the last year. I never realized he was such a ladies man. I am not sure what the chicks see in “fast” Eddie.

OOPs How did that slip in???

Happy Birthday Ed from Monty and the rest of the “good Guy’s”

One last thought!!!!

Has anyone ever seen Charlie casserly and Ed Fournier in the same room together? I think they might be the same person Hmm!

Charley Casserly " NFL insider" on the NFL channel

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give
him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only
here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are
my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and
heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very
slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?”

I am going to spend new years eve again this year at the Marriott in providence.

Steve smith and the nakeds are playing. Come join us.

I can fix the economy, The state deficit and sports in a monty minute.

Here is what I propose:

Have the states allow betting on sports through the lottery.
How??
The lines are set right. OK   then you set up a parlay card for the major sports. College and Pros. You go to the lottery or the store and choose the number of games you want to bet on. 1,2,3,4….maybe 10.
The more teams picked the higher the payout.
You do not allow people to pick the team. It is a random draw, like keno or a quick pick. You do not know the team until you get the ticket. 50% draw for both sides.
How does this help you say?

People watch sports if they have an interest in the game, or a side to root for. Automatically people have a rooting interest in one side or another.
People will watch the games in droves and they will bet in the billions.
Tv ratings will soar, tv ads will go up. players will get paid more. States will make more.
More jobs and more money and less taxes. Ingenious right.
Why do you think the super bowl gets great ratings and they charge so much for commercials? DER! Everybody has a bet on the game. They are in office pools and they have squares.
Everybody wins, except for those who bet of course, because the state spins it their way.

Some things look so easy from the outside. Maybe Obama should hire me to consult him on economic issues.

Monty

If you have a couple of minutes, check out a video I did for some events in 2009.

Check and see if you made it. It is less than 10 minutes. I could have done 3 hours worth.

Notice that DJ Monty is spinning it up in the background of most of these events.

If you see me coming with the flip phone in 2010. RUN!!

Kids are what Christmas is all about, and this year my nephew Tyler and his wife had their first Christmas with Ella. Cool!!!

I usually go to Greg’s house on Christmas Eve. After the rendition of silent night by the Donna’s this year, I might rethink it next year.

Even if you don’t care about hunting, ya gotta love Ted!!!
> Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being
> interviewed by a French journalist, an animal rights activist. The
> discussion came around to deer hunting..
>
> The journalist asked, “What do you think is the last thought in the
> head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, ‘Are you my friend?’ or is
> it ‘Are you the one who killed my brother?’”
>
> Nugent replied, “Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they
> care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw
> next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like
> the French.”
>
>
> The interview ended.

On the Eve of Christmas, We at the staff of the Monty Minute would like to say

Happy Holiday’s

Editor in Chief:

Monty

web design:

Monty

publisher:

Monty

content:

Monty

Layout:

Monty

Best Boy:

Artie

audit and compliance:

Monty

Merry Christmas from our whole STAFF………..

What is a bar pizza?

A bar pizza is small, greasy and hopefully cooked a l;ittle well done with thin crust and no puffy edges.

I love a good bar pizza. They are meant for one person. Here are my 5 favorite places to get bar pizza South of boston

1. Spencer’s- Abington ma

Not a bar at all, but a spuckie place near the railroad station. They are

really good and they have a huge varity. try the Taco or the shephards

pie pizza.

2. Poopsies- Marshfield Ma

3. Lynwood pizza Randolph Ma

4. Venus Cafe- Whitman Ma

5. Bella’s -Rockland Ma

Honorable mention goes to Alumni in Quincy and the Hotel Thomas in Rockland

Leave me a comment if you have one.

Hell no!!!!

Why?   Why do we tip the postal worker. My wife tips someone we have never met. The letters appear in the box dropped off by someone in a truck. At least the Fed Ex and UPS person comes to the door.

The letter carrier gets paid (well) They get vacation pay and a pension more than most of the people are tipping them.

We just gave the letter carrier $50 that drops off the mail to the office   geeez louise God help us. No one has ever tipped me and I help people every friggin day. That is ok, I get paid to help people. We do not tip the cop or the fireman, or the accountant or the lawyer or the insurance guy, or the dentist.

Why do we insist on tipping the letter carrier??  WHY????

They represent probably about 20 % of all the postal workers. But why do they get tipped and the other 80-% of the poor slobs get nothing.

Stop this practice NOW!!!!!  Your letter carrier is not a friggin waitress.

Merry Christmas

Monty

Going postal

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
Corey

Dear Craig,

Your Mom and Dad are together. They are the ones that send you money all the time to keep you in College. Try calling home once in awhile and you will find them there eating peanut butter sandwiches, so that you can have enough money to smoke cigarettes and drink beer

Santa

I guess this is not funny to anybody who is not in the insurance business, But here goes:

Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 A.M. 12/25) and all through the
house (single family, joisted masonry, E.C. 3, territory 44, PC 5) Not a
creature was stirring not even a mouse (through pride of ownership and
excellent maintenance.)
The (flame retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor installed)
chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there (in
spite of dead-bolt locks and central station alarm system.) The children
(ages 4,8,14 & 16) were all nestled snug in their beds (check MVR on 16
year old) While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads (must check
for drug use.)

Mama in her kerchief (scheduled heirloom) and I in my cap (no slave to
fashion) Had just settled down for a long winters nap (check employment
- is insured sleeping all day?)
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter (check into condition of
premises, housekeeping etc), I jumped out of bed to see what was the
matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, Threw back the curtains and tore
open the sash (intentional destructive act – no coverage. Also, as far
as we know, insured only wearing a cap in front of uncovered window.)
What to my wondrous eyes should appear But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny
reindeer (note to check if sleigh rated business use and corporate
owned).
With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it
must be St. Nick (order medical on 600 year old driver; notify life
underwriter for possible rating). More rapid than eagles (check MVR for speeding violations) his coursers
they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name (possible
aggressive driver?): Now Dasher (turbo equip?) now Dancer (classic?) now Prancer (check
lifestyle) now Vixen (definitely check lifestyle), On Comet (possible
muscle deer) on Cupid (lifestyle again) on Donner (4×4) and Blitzen
(possible drinking problem?)
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all. (also old man climbing walls
either in great shape or overly medicated?)
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,With the sleigh full of
toys and St. Nicholas too (check for possible retail delivery
classification of autos).
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of
each little hoof (check for shingle damage also classification of
operations, roofing is a prohibited class).
As I drew in my head and was turning around, Down the chimney St.
Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur (scheduled items) from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot (part time job as
firefighter??).
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back (Check to see if insured has
safety committee, check lifting training) And he looked like a peddler
just opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled,
His dimples how merry,
His cheeks were like roses,
His nose like cherry (order updated medical report, possible drinking
abuse).
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth (note – do not give
non-smoker discount) And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
(check batteries in smoke alarms to make sure operational).
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf (overweight for height)
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had
nothing to dread (stranger enters past alarm and insured not worried??
Possible moral problem).
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the
stockings; then turned with a jerk (review workplace for ergonomic
compliance).
And laying his finger aside of his nose (obscene gesture?) And giving a
nod, up the chimney he rose (check operations, chimney sweeps are
prohibited classification, look into GL PD deductible.)
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all
flew like the down of a thistle (not likely with fat man and sleigh full
of toys. Check GVW for proper classification, Light/Service/Local seems
unlikely).
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to
all, and to all a good night!” (Check hours of operation, 24hr service
operations prohibited. Also check into seasonal nature of business).

I know everyone thinks that every weekend is a party, and that all I do is eat and drink, but this past weekend, all I did was work.

I did not have one drink, or go out to eat once. This better not happen again…

I helped Kenny and Erin move into their new condo on Saturday.

Measure twice before you buy a boxspring

Shoveled all day Sunday………

I am too old for this shit.

With 18 inches of snow yesterday, it is time to revisit some of my top  snow emails

1. Snow on cars
2. Snow shoveling scam
3. Jogging in the snow
4. Snow White VS Cinderella
5. Snow bowl kick

1. Don’t do it
2. shop online
3. shop at dinner time
4. shop during a storm
5. buy gift certificates
6. ask people what they want
7. NEVER EVER BUY SOMEONE A SNUGGIE!!!

No matter what you buy for someone, they will never like it as much as you think they will. people love opening gifts, but they would rather buy their own.

I just found about “MOM” jeans.

I did not know that they existed. But what I did find out, is that woman are pissed if  you accuse them of having mom jeans. I guess that is akin to telling a woman she looks fat.

What is a mom jean any way? Well from a guy who still calls them dungarees I will do my best to explain it to you.

A mom jean is a high wasted jean that is made for chubby, unstylish woman who do not care what they look like.

I was in the LOFT yesterday, and I asked the woman where the mom jeans were and she looked at me like she was going to call security. She said indignantly, ” We do not sell mom Jeans here”

So I said then where did you buy your mom jeans ya fat bitch…

Well I guess I would rather see a woman in mom jeans, than a fat woman stuffed in hip huggers ( they do still call them hip huggers don’t they? )

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
> > Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse.
> > She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
> > Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
> > He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
> > Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
> > He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
> > With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
> > >From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
> > Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
> > With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
> > When not in their pants, he was sendin’ them texts.
> > Despite all his cryin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’,
> > Tiger’s wife went investin’ — a new home in Sweden .
> > And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
> > “If you’re gettin’ laid then I’m gettin’ paid.”
> > She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
> > Her prenup made Christmas come early this year
> >
>

I love Bacon. Almost more than anything else in life. Bacon is my life.

Bacon on anything is perfect.

Have you ever gone to the buffet line and filled your plate with bacon? I have.

I usually get the bacon, then order the omelet, and when I am waiting for it to cook I eat the bacon. After I get the omelet I go back for more bacon.

The thing I like most about a cruise is that you get bacon every day. The royal Caribbean still has my photo on the wall as you get on the boat. The caption is ” World record holder for most bacon eaten in one week” It happened on that ship True story honest!

Do you think that bacon is bad for you?

Tell me that you eat your bacon with your hands, and you do not cut it with a knife and fork…

I got this cool bacon tattoo when I was in high school….

Lime in your diet coke sucks, but Bacom MMMM! MMMM! MMM!

Maple Leaf has a new bacon spokesperson

More Bacon Pictures and recipes

Do not be putz have some bacon today.

Make mine extra crispy……………