Entries from December 2009 ↓

Did you hear about the two couples that sneaked into the White House with out proper credentials?

There are millions of them, and it seems like most of the people I know own one. I do, I have for 25 years.
There are lots of reasons to buy one. They make it sound so good that you would be stupid not to. The sales person is schooled to play on your emotions, and to have a counter for every sound reason that you would not want to buy.
The Bottom line is that it is maybe the single worst real estate investment that you can make. BUT it is for your vacation, so emotion takes over.

so you want to sell? you can’t:

Timeshare Pricing: The Truth
By M. Beddingfield

OK, so you bought a timeshare. Whether you�ve just came to the realization that it�s not the best financial move you ever made or you�ve been trying to unload your timeshare for months, now is always a good time to get rid of a timeshare.

The first thing you have to do, if you are serious about selling, is admit that your timeshare is worthless. The only value in a timeshare is in its use. Do not think of selling as a way to recoup your losses, that�s just not going to happen. 95% of all timeshares have a resale value of 15% to 35% of the original developer�s cost. The other 5% are high demand locations and red week timeshares. They typically sell for only 35% to 50% of the original costs.

So if you are stuck with a bad investment, and you are frustrated with RCI , and you never go to your time share. Join the growing crowd.

Do like the rest of us, try not to talk about your dirty little secret. Just keep paying the bill and or try like hell to give it away, and be glad you did.

The only saving grace, is that you are not alone, there are millions and millions of  idiots like us out there, that have been duped by these high pressure sales people.  ugghh!

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident off the coast of Maine, a man answered his door to find
two grim-faced State Troopers. “We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the
Troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted.
The Troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said “Give me the bad news first.”
The second Trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”
“Oh my God!” exclaimed the husband.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The Trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters
clinging to her.”
Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news???”

The Trooper answered, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
— that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe ‘Go to hell.’
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

FACE ON BODY

YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT I DOWNLOADED A NEW PROGRAM . IT IS CALLED FACE ON BODY.

IT IS FUN AND EASY. JUST WAIT YOUR TURN WILL COME SOONER THAN LATER….

YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS GOING TO LAND, SO PRAY I DO NOT HAVE YOUR PICTURE

It is near the Christmas break of the school year.
The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

I had this discussion today with someone who never does anything. They are too busy to stop and smell the roses.

I told him, that when he is lying on his death bed and ready to go, does he want to relish the memories or count the accomplishments.
They are both important, but in the end I think that you want to relish the memories….

What is the difference?

A vacation with friends and family is a memory.

Making vice president is an accomplishment.

Going to a big game with your dad or your kid is a memory

Redoing the basement or planting a garden is an accomplishment.

Watching your kid score the winning touchdown, or your daughter walk to the stage for an award is a memory

finishing first in a sales contest is an accomplishment as is graduating from school.

When you are lying there taking your last breath, I hope you are thinking about the memories and not the accomplishments.

Start today building the memories…………………….

After a long night DJ’ing , I was able to rally and put together a tailgate party for the 15 Good Guy’s.
We had a great time. Besides going into the game and watch the Patriots quickly slip away into mediocrity.

Group Drink

The Queen of Cheez wiz joined us

I have one word for you Ed \

My sponsor at AA

Chuckie

Jaybo Boyle

Thanks to Billy for the Fire. It Kept The purple haze alive.

Murph having a \

Ron \

The pictures are very dark, but that was the mood at the Christmas “RAVE” at the Allan Kitchen Gallery on Friday night.

This will drive you batty!

AIR FORCE TEST

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.
It’s been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots.
They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

Give it a try but be careful….it is addictive!!

It took me 7 times, but I did 23 seconds

Artie decided to propose to Vicky, but prior to her
acceptance Vicky felt she had to confess to her man about her childhood
illness. She informed Arthur that she suffered a disease that
left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much. However,
Artie felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had
a deformity, too.

Artie looked Tory in the eyes and said, ‘I too
have a problem. My winky is the same size
as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are
married.’

She said, ‘Yes, I will marry you and learn to
live with your infant size winky.’

Vicky and Artie got married and they
could not wait for the honeymoon. Artie whisked Vicky off to
their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one
another.

As Vicky put her hands in Artie’s pants, she
began to scream and ran out of the room!
Artie ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, ‘You told me your winky was the
size of an infant!’

‘Yes, it is. 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long…’

New Jersey Jets

New Jersey Giants

Why not? It seems stupid and narcissistic on the part of all New Yorkers that they can ship their team to another state and keep the name of their old State.

This is unprecedented. Teams move all the time. The Baltimore Colts went to Indianapolis, but we do not Call them the Baltimore colts. The Brooklyn Dodgers went to LA, But the Brooklyn Dodgers do not play in L A.

Somebody with some balls from New Jersey has to rectify this problem and either send them back to the Big Apple, or change the name to the NJ Jets and Giants.

This is a state that has so little self esteem that they rename their State University. Why is it that the State University in New jersey is called RUTGERS, when every other state calls it the university of texas, or Maine, or Wyoming etc. That is not right.

I do not know why, but it has always pissed me off.

The pats are now on a milk carton.

Where have they gone? and who took their fire and desire?

They are missing the spark. Did all that go away with Mike Vrabel, Rodney Harrison, Teddy Bruschi, Richard Seymour etc etc.

They lack talent, heart and now it seems like they lack a coach and a quarterback.

No one and nothing is in synch. It is frustrating to watch

Some observations from my couch yesterday.

1. The team has very little talent, due to the draft and free agency, but i have said this for the last 5 years. it is just catching up to them
2. The coach is losing it. Maybe it is that he has lost all the talent he had on his staff for the last 5 years. Coaches hire their friends, and I think Bill is out of friends.
3. Tom aint Tom anymore. He is for a half and then someone else plays the second half. Do not blame injuries he is fine.
4. #24 Wilhite is the worst player on the team. Teams are killing him week after week. he must look good in practice, because he sure sucks on gameday
5. Is a blitz a blitz, if you cannot get in the backfield. The Patriots have to be the worst blitzing team in the NFL.
6. I like Darius Butler and Bodden
7. What happened to derrick burgess ( and our draft picks for him), Adalius Thomas, Ben Watson, Ty Warren, Shawn Springs, Shawn crable and fred taylor? To Many to mention. They should all be on the milk carton also
8. The ONLY REASON Maroney gets yards is that no team that plays the Pats plays the run. They ALL play pass first. Anybody could get yards for them if they run when the other team does not play it. Hell they give it to you. Watch when they actaully play the run like on 4th and 1 or 3rd and 2. maroney gets negative yards every time.
9. The pats home crowd is as dead as the team. Sports is all about emotion, desire and momentum. The Pats and their fans have nothing left.
10. Have you noticed that they have not won a game since Matt Light came back??????   HMMMM!!!!!    He sucks…………….

They may as well scrap the team and the season and start over. I do not see many bright spots on this team orthe ownership or the coaching staff.

PS,  This Sunday against the Panthers will be the last game I go to after 28 years.

I am done. They do not deserve my $8800 any more. The Krafts can suck it out of someone else for now on.

That game made me sick to my stomach.

Monty

An elderly senior couple were invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her host to say, ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving pet names’.

The elderly lady hung her head. ‘I have to tell you the truth,’ she said, ‘His name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I’m scared to death to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.

I think that Tiger Woods is in big trouble apparently he is sleeping with his wife and Rachel Uchitel. Now I find out today, that he is banging Jaimee Grubbs like a screen door in a hurricane.

What do you think he should do?

Tiger and wife Elin

Rachel

Jamiee Grubbs

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What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?  Tiger Woods can
drive a golf ball 300 yards.

Why did Tiger Woods hit a fire hydrant and a tree?  He couldn’t decide
between an iron or a wood.

Tiger Woods wife is the only person who can beat him with a golf club!

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing

What club did Elin use to ‘rescue’ her husband? A bitching wedge.

The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash.
They are calling it, “Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger.”

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family–his
new name?    Cheetah

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?  They’re both clubbed
by Norwegians!

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a PIG makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:

“FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!!”
I guess there aren’t many farms in Detroit .

I do not know why I have never reviewed Squires before, buy while i was sitting there last Saturday watching a game and having a rum and coke I thought it was time.

Squires is not great, but not bad. It is the ” old stand by” You know you can always go there and everything is the same. Nothing changes. EVER!

The menu, the patrons, the dart board, the shingles above the bar, the posters on the wall. Every time there is a walk into the past.

Every town has their “place”   The place that is an icon in a town. The place that the kids come to the night before Thanksgiving on their way back from college to meet up with their buddies and swap stories.

They have a diverse menu and always have a daily special. I would suggest that you try the ribs and dibs, or the wings and things. They have a name for it. Then my other favorite is the shepherds pie.

Squires is the kind of place where you tell the wife and family that you are going to go and pick up the pizza and bring it home. But the twist is that you go there and sit at the bar. Order a beer, then the pizza. then when the pizza comes out, you tell them to keep it warm on top of the oven while you have 4 more beers. You stumble out with overcooked pizza and weave home only to find a family of pissed off hungry people. But what do you care. You had 5 beers and a slice on the way home.

I recommend Squires as a good alternative when you need good food cheap and you do not give a shit what you look like.

When you pass the bar say hi to Billy and MaryEllen as well as barney and Heg.

Monty

Squires website