People always talk about the price of things and they always want to know how much.
Price is important, but if you sell on price, you die on price. Too many people are afraid to charge for their service. It is ok to charge for something of value, whether it is your time or expertise.
Please do not always look for the cheapest, and if you sell , do not sell the fact that you are the cheapest. See the picture above. They were not to be undersold.
What good did it do them, it put them out of business. If the company you are buying from is not making a buck, then what kind of service otr product do you think you are getting.
Geico spends billions to tell you that they will save you 15% in fifteen minutes. Does anybody ever ask them what they are selling, or who do i call when my basement is flooded or the registry sent me a letter, and i do not know what it means.
It has been awhile since anyone has written in and asked our business and know it all guru any questions.
So the other day i asked Frank something that I have never really understood.
I asked Frank this simple question.
Frank, just what the Fuck are derivitives? they seem to have frigged up the whole system and the economy.
Frank answers:
Frankly speaking monty, let me put it in a way even a fat sweaty mouth breathing hairy moron like you can understand it. ( I think he was a little over the top here)
Easily Understandable Explanation of Derivative Markets
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.
Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers’ loans). Word gets around about Heidi’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit.
By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi’s gross sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral. At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets.
Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.
One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar. He so informs Heidi.
Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics, they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and the eleven employees lose their jobs.
Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community. The suppliers of Heidi’s bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar, no-strings attached, cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers, who have never been in Heidi’s bar.
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Stu said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’
Leroy replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’
———————————————————
A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’
The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.’
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‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, ‘and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and
then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
———————————————————
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said,
‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’
‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband.
‘but she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
———————————————————-
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says and hangs up.
———————————————————-
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’
———————————————————–
Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’
Joe: ‘Really?’
Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
———————————————————-
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks
him how he is feeling.
‘I’m O. K. but I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’
————————————————————
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied.. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.
……………………………………………………………….
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’
President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.
They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
— Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
— Conan O’Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
— Jay Leno
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
— David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
— Jimmy Fallon
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
— Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
— David Letterman
Those under 50 may not know of the great cartoonist Rube Goldberg. He was famous for his cartoons depicting contraptions like this one to perform a simple task. This kind of stuff is now a part of many college curriculums and competitions for physics students and civil engineers.
This is one of the most complex Rube Goldberg projects I’ve ever seen – very creative:
I have been feeling like shit for about a month. No surprise here. There are about a hundred viruses going around, and you know how well i treat myself.
So I am having these weird feelings. I am tired, and I am thirsty, and I am a little groggy and disoriented and what is really weird is that i am getting a numbing sensation in my right pinky finger, right small toe and occasionally my right nostril. I am also getting sharp pains from my lower left side in my stomach ( diverticulitis).
None of this is a word of a lie. I promise.
So I make an appt with the Doctor. He says you look ok. Right there i should have started to worry. He takes my Blood pressure and it is 120 over 78 . Nice he says. Then the Pulse 60 Nice again. Lets take some blood work.
So I go in and give some blood. That goes alright, so i go home and wait for the results a week goes by and i still feel like shit, then another week of feeling like shit, and the letter arrives.
Here is what it says and I am typing verbatum:
Dear Monty: ( well it had my real name that only my doctor and my mom call me)
Your blood pressure and your pulse and general condition were fine. The results of your blood work are in and are as follows with the desired results in parentheses where appllicable: Total Cholesterol 129 (less than 200) HDL 46 ( greater than 40) LDL 67 ( less than 130) and tryglycerides 100 ( less than 150).
Your blood sugar was normal indicating no diabetes. The liver, muscle,and kidney function tests were also normal.
These results are excellent ! You should continue what you are doing? Give me a call if you have any questions after reading this letter.
QUESTIONS????
Are you shitting me???
I am thinking two things. One should I find a new Doctor? or who’s blood did they test? I was was waiting to read that I was pregnant.
Now lets see. I am on 7 medications, I am 80 pouinds overweight. I drink like a fish. drink 7 cups of coffeee a day. I am stressed out about everything, i feel like shit. My muscles ache and i am feeling depressed. I have sleep apnea, premature alzheimers and erectile disfunction ( added for effect)
I eat bacon as much as possible. Red meat everyday. My face is so red everybody asks me if I just got back from vacation, and this guys says that your results are excellent ” keep doing what you are doing”
Well if i am doing it right, then I need to write a book, and you need to jump on the bandwagon.
The Three best radio callers in Boston are as follows in this order.
Butch from the cape- I loved it when he called Drew bledsoe ” Nancy Drew” and Nomar Garciaparra No Arm
Frank from Gloucester- you just want to listen to this train wreck. he talks trash, cries, and has no teeth and hangs out with hookers and pole dancers ( typical Yankee fan)
Angry Bill- I like him, because he reminds me of myself.
One last point. I love that guy on the WEEI whiner line that imitates Robert Kraft. When he yells ( Jonathan?) I can’t stop laughing. No fan of the rest of the not so funny whiners.
Patriots: signed Algae Crumpler yesterday…Jesus, he is so old, he could play for the Celtics. He is a pant load that can only block. But if you have Matt light and nick Kazar as your tackles. By Jesus you better get some blocking help. Randy Moss has worn his welcome with me, hurry back Wes Welker, you are the heart of the team. Do you think Tom Brady really, I mean really cares any more? God bless him if he does. I wouldn’t if I were him. The Pats will botch another draft starting 4/22. They need a running back or a linebacker with the #1
Celtics: They are dying faster than the Obama health care bill. they are old and worn out. Rasheed is a cancer. Who needs a seven footer who shoots three’s?
Red Sox: I like their pitching. I still think that Theo is a genius and Terry Francoma is a moron.
Bruins: Watched that dibacle last night. Who cut the balls off of this team. They suck. They are a bunch of heartless homo’s. Claude Julian sucks, and is it any wonder that jeremy Jacobs has owned the team for over 30 years and we have not won since he took over.
NCAA’s : hint here. get closer, and i will whisper this money making secret to you. Go to vegas and bet the underdogs in the first round, you will be rich, and never have to work again. I promise.
I had to remind someone the other day about the 95% rule. I have to remind my self all the time about the 95% rule. I am a violator.
What is the 95% rule? Simple:
There are three things that 95% of other people do not care about. These are three things that you care a lot about.
They are as follows ( not in any order)
How your kid is doing in sports and school. People nod their head and act like they care, but they don’t. believe me. If they did, they would put a bumper sticker on their car that said
” MY BUDDIES KID WAS STUDENT OF THE MONTH AT THE OBAMA MIDDLE SCHOOL”
2. Your dog or cat. no one cares. when you walk into your buddies house and the dog starts humping your leg or jumps on your lap, take my word for it you hate it. Now if your buddies wife jumps in your lap or starts to hump your leg, then by all means go for it, but the dog uhh uh.
3. Vacation and wedding pictures……………
again nobody but you cares about your vacation or your wedding. They are pretending.
Now the next time you tell anybody about your kids homerun, or show them pictures of your trip to Aruba, or say isn’t my dog so cute and adorable. Remember that they do not care, or you better hope that they are in that 5%. Even your mom is not in that 5%, so just figure nobody cares.
I catch myself doing all three, so I don’t know how many people i have horrified or just bored the Hell out of over the years.
If I have( and I have) I am sorry……
Oh by the way, here is a picture of my kids and their dog.
My daughter graduated college Suma Cum Laud, and My son finished first in the Whitman Hanson regional tournament. Isn’t the dog adorable?
A little boy asked his
teacher if he could go to the bath- room.
She said
yes.
When he went to wipe his fanny there was no
toilet paper so, he used
his hand.
When he got
back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have
in
your hand?”
The boy said, “A little leprechaun
and if I open my hand he’ll get
scared away.”
He
was then sent to the principal’s office and the
principal asked
him, “What do you have in your
hand?”
The little boy said, “A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands
he’ll get scared away.”
The
principal got mad and yelled, “Open your hands
NOW!”
He did and the little boy said, “Oh great , now
look what you did,
you scared the shit out of him!”
Heavenly Father,
>
>Within the past year you have taken away my favorite dancer, Michael
>Jackson, my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah
>Fawcett, my favorite comedian, Soupy Sales, my favorite pitchman, Billy Mays
>and my favorite sidekick, Ed McMahon.
>
>Just so you know, my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and
>Harry Reid.
>
>Thank you and Amen!
>
There are 301 towns and 50 cities+ and 14 Counties
+ There are twelve communities in Massachusetts which have applied for, and been granted, city forms of government, though they wish to be known as “the town of”. They are: Agawam, Amesbury, Barnstable, Braintree, Easthampton, Franklin, Greenfield, Methuen, Southbridge, Watertown, West Springfield and Weymouth.
Oldest, Newest, Largest and Smallest Communities:
*
Geographic center of Massachusetts is the Town of Rutland in Worcester County.
*
Oldest town: Plymouth incorporated 1620
*
Oldest city: Boston incorporated 1820
*
Newest town: East Brookfield incorporated 1920
*
Newest city: Braintree incorporated 2007
*
Smallest by population: Town of Gosnold, 86 / City of North Adams, 14,681
*
Smallest by square miles: Town of Nahant, 1.04 / City of Chelsea, 1.86
*
Largest by population: Town of Framingham, 66,910 / City of Boston, 589,141
*
Largest by square miles: Town of Plymouth, 97.57 / City of Taunton, 47.29
How did Brookline and Cohasset become “islands” of Norfolk County?
When looking at the county boundaries, you may notice that the towns of Brookline and Cohasset lie outside and are not contiguous to the rest of their county. The second Norfolk County was organized in 1793 from parts of southern Suffolk County and the towns of Brookline+, Cohasset, Hingham and Hull as well as the approximate area of towns that now comprise Norfolk County. In 1803 the towns of Hingham and Hull opted out of Norfolk and became part of Plymouth County, thus cutting off Cohasset.
+ In 1795, Brookline petitioned the Supreme Judicial Court to “change its allegiance” back to Suffolk County, the court however, ignored the petition.
An historical note on county government in New England
Generally speaking, New England states do not have as active a county government system as compared to the rest of the nation. In Massachusetts for example, state roads (usually numbered routes) are cared for by the state highway department (MassHighway), while individual communities care for non-state roads within their borders. This can cause some confusion for folks who move here from other parts of the nation as the opposite appears true in their former home state.
Anomalies of note: Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts 02467
There are many neighborhood or area names that may cross local borders of one kind or another but, Chestnut Hill goes a little further than most. It is comprised of parts of the City of Boston, the City of Newton, and the Town of Brookline, as well as being comprise of the counties Suffolk, Middlesex, and Norfolk.
last month i sold the truck. No takers yet on the pool table ( 8 1/2 ft) or the 2000 34 foot searay ( this will be a steal)
This month for sale I have :
Toro sit down mower. $ 400.00 or best offer
a punching bag $25.00
A hockey game one of the guys does not work on the blue team $75.00
a bottle of wine from Super Bowl XXXII (logo’d) $50.00 Merlot
Can you help a brother out? I could use the money and I want to get rid of some shit. Send the pickers over.
Next month, look for a grill, outdoor heater, bikes and a ping pong table.
When you live in a big house, you fill it up with stuff. When you have a big boat you fill it up with STUFF. When you are fat, you just eat more to fill it up and maintain your weight.
