Entries from June 2010 ↓

Stop knocking yourself out

A solution to Breast Bounce The bounce-o-meter

Skip the intro………

Glad to help

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their
weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said
proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher
Little Jenny was next:
“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn.
The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny
“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip &
Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”
They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!”
Then I would say, “It
is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”
“I used the Obama approach of giving you a load of crap for free and then
making you pay in an attempt to get the taste out of your mouth.”

D dock headed off to scituate this weekend, so I am relying on my secret reporters from all the other docks.

The  41, the 43, the 50 and the 27 slipped off to Situate harbor, and the south river. My friend hooked us up with face dock dockage on the float at SHYC. It was a great weekend in a great spot.

We ran into a great guy there. His name was Pete. He was the launch guy. Pete

Pete the Launch guy

could not have been nicer and or more accomodating. Pete made the whole experience awesome and he should be employeee of the month and year at SHYC. His favorite tip he said was the smores chocolate desert we brought him back from the new restaurant ORO.

Pete you are welcome to come to tern anytime.

We expect to see you on the 17th for the Lua party.

We went to the South River where we were the guests of Batman and his family. We tied up on a mooring and zodiac’d all over the spit and the south and north river.

This is batman himself

I also called my buddy who caught a whopper tuna that day and he came by and gave us 6 slabs of FRESH TUNA! We cooked it up right there in the river.

the tuna and jim seconds before we ate it!

We did have one mishap in the river. Charlie Manson and Fee Fee came to visit in their 50 foot Hatteras and when they left, they zigged when they should have zagged ( or in other words they  went the wrong way in the channel ) They found themselves  on a sand bar. Quick thinking by Captain Manson, and the help of retired Coast guard Boobie oar and he was pushed off the sand bar by two zodiacs. No damage and they headed off in the right direction. One word of advice here to Charlie. ” red right return. Left Leave”

Back on B dock things were fairly quiet. I understand that Swibby’s boat will never be mistaken for the Love Boat, or the Love Shack or the love anything. Apparently, there is no LOVIN going on in Swibby’s boat. Too bad swib. That is why boats rock. it is not the waves that make that motion.

I understand that there is a new line of clothing on B Dock It is called the miss jacqueline line of apparel. Order forms below. She takes Visa American express and Diners Club.

They come in B and D cup sizes

I guess a bunch of the B dockers went to the waterfire in providence. You have to find something to do, when your parents desert you for Scituate.

It appears the Skippy walks up to two Mexican guys

Do they look japanese to anybody else?

And Skippy says are you guys Japanese?

This is what Japanese guys look like

These Mexicans were horrified. So skippy says ” just how many of you mexicans are there in Providence”? They state that there are like three thousando of us El Guapo’s

Slushy says that sucks! Then the fight started.

We got back on the docks on Sunday, and as always it was a lot of fun. It is always good to be back home. Birthday cakes were cooking for Swith and Little donnie.

Slow week but we have lots planned for the July fourth weekend. It starts Thursday with a very private, very exclusive house party. I am soooo sorry if you are not on the “A” list. I will be reporting from the red carpet.

Remember that the family Lua party is on the 17th. plan to decorate your vessel and bring some food and beverage to the docks. We are going to have the coast guard come and do a safety demonstration along with the harbormaster for the kids. ( that reminds me, I have to ask Paul)

Also, if you can, would you bring a xmas gift for a child Please. We are starting to collect gifts and diapers for the kids of the servicemen of the Coast Guard. You can leave your gift on The Design Oar ( d dock) anything will be appreciated.

dress will be hawaiian shirts, grass skirts, coconut bras lei’s etc.

Now for this weeks pictures and video!!!

a picture from inside the cabin on bruce and percy's boat Damn flashbulb!!!

stylin on the float dock in Scituate

Rico Suave want a drink?

drink of choice " The Cosmo"

Cosmo record holder " FIFTEEN COSMO'S" AND STILL STANDING "ALEC"

DANCING WITH HIMSELF

Dancing with Monty

Hatian day on the C-Built

SHYC floats

Scituates poor imitation of D Dock

This is the space where I had an interview planned with Joe Sugar our marina manager. I had suggested that I give him ten questions to answer.

WELL!   Joe chickened out after reading the monty minute. he was not sure that it would be in his best interest to be associated with this blog. I cannot blame him.

My questions were to be as follows:

1. What is your job title?
2. what are your responsibilities at the marina?
3. Can you update us on what has been done in the last couple of years?   i.e.  Pump out ( how does this work?)   Access door?  bathrooms. new railings etc
4. what is on the horizon for things to come?  washer and dryers?  Access to ice?  parking?  lounge?  whatever?
5. What is available in the store?
6. What services do you offer that go unused? Is the launch a service that you provide and pay for?
7. any plans for more slips on the outside of “D” dock? ( the current and the boat traffic is brutal out there)
8. What does a normal day look like for you?
9. What is your favorite dock? ( d right?)
10. How can someone contact you?
11. Have you thought about a suggestion box?  sponsoring a boat safety course?
12. What makes Tern harbor BETTER than the other marinas and Yacht Clubs?
13. Do you wear boxers or briefs?

If You see Joe, Beg him to take the interview.

Lending a helping hand

Can you guess who took my picture?

My answer was Saving Private Ryan

Try it:

This math test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Star        Wars….. .Try it without looking at the answers. It works!

Pick a number from 1 to 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3, then multiply by 3 again.

You will get your answer by adding the two digits together to find your all time favorite movie.

Good Luck

It is:

1. Gone with the wind.

2. Aliens.

3. Oliver

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The shower scene from ” weekend with Monty”

10.Mary Poppins.

From Your Frinds at the docks…….

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the there end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?”

The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?”

“It looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

“Wow, you mean it’s grown to 12 inches?”

“No, it’s turned black.”

Have you ever met a pitbull owner who hasn’t said that their pitbull isn’t the sweetest thing in the world. They would not hurt a flea.

What I do not get is how come nobody will insure them. Why I look at them and they scare the piss out of me, and why you hear horror stories about them ripping people and other dogs apart.

Apparently they do not bite the hand that feeds them, but everyone else beware.

A personal note here:

I hate german shepards more. never met one I liked bedsides Foley’s two.

How we look from across the river

Another long weekend for this boater. Seems like we are winding into shape on the docks and everyone is settling in.I wish the wind would stop blowing so hard.

Friday was the best day of the year. I took the searay out for a seatrial. The boat ran really good after the long winter layover. I forgot how easy it was to handle. The water was as flat as a pancake. if you did not have off  I feel sorry for you. Those days are few and far between.

Friday night was a light dinking night on the docks. The usual parties on B and D docks. I even saw someone open a beer on C Dock. That constitutes a party on C Dock.

Reminds me I want to meet the family on Kelly’s ABC”S They look nice and seem to use their boat a lot.

Did I mention that my friend Swibby is back on B dock. He is still a little wobbly from his cruise. he is sporting a band aid behind his ear for awhile. It helps him stay upright when he drinks.

Saturday weather wise was a different story. i thought it would be more like Friday, but it was blowing all day. White caps everywhere. I went fishing with Skippy and my friends Lanie and Mark. We got shut out. However later that night, Skippy caught a 32 inch striper between c and d docks ( on a mackeral chunk)

So do not waste your gas, just fish off the docks.

Saturday most people got off the dock and the b dockers went to World’s End and some of the d dockers went into yacht Haven. I heard that a boat left c dock too. I guess it was the knight rider that went to stellwagen to fish. Maybe mac gave him some coordinates.

One observation, it seems that the Greens in the 36 Sabre are back ( great to see ya) and the Lebanese chef on the jersey is MIA. I wonder what happened to him? I heard that he was drinking massive amounts of scorpian bowls on land with burnt beef teriyaki and lightly breaded chicken fingers. Personally I prefer his chango mutney chicken wings. Or is that mango chutney?

Saturday’s winds caused havoc to all the boaters not lucky enough to be on the “right” side of the slips. There are two sides to the docks. There is the side that pushes you into the other boats with the prevailing southwest wind. that is the the ” wrong” side. (It makes me think that these slips should be cheaper.)

The boats were like bumper cars. I of course came in perfectly. Thanks to our harbormaster for helping with the tie up.

Things did not go so well on “B” dock where we had another jumper. That is four so far this year if we count Rocco.

What went down is this. The sour patch kid came in and got his bow sideways in the slip ( now I know how wide they are. You can put a 31 foot Searay in the slip sideways with a pulpit and a swim platform). The skipper jumped off, and then his companion Gennesee also made the leap of faith only to misjudge the distance.

Plunk in the drink she went. Rescuers from D and C dock raced to her rescue before she got crushed or chopped up. Word from the hospital is that she suffered a fracture and some stretched ligaments. She is fine and I am sure she will make a great recovery.

Be careful coming in. The current and the wind are really tough at Tern. Get help whenever you can. next time we are going to have Barry White dock up first.

SUNDAY:

Happy Fathers Day. Good day on the dock to get some cleaning done. Everyone was arriving back to the docks from their voyages, or their on land parties. At about 5 oclock, it kicked up like I have never seen it. 60 MPH winds. it was crazy. Check out the footage on the youtube. It was worse, but I had to put the video away.

Alright enough text. I have been getting yelled at for too much text and not enough pictures. By the way the face on the chick with big boobs was from the 48  Searay and not the 36 Tiara. Mrs M said that she was flattered however.

Dont do it ( Thirst-n-Howl )

Anybody for a chocolate martini in a dixie cup?

Make mine a Slushy

OOOPS! too many chocolate martini's

What was in those dixie cups?

" live free or die" all the way from New Hampshire to Tern harbor

fishing with the "princess rod"

This is actually "someone" from C dock

skippy's keeper

couple of wet hose guys

who is this? winner gets breakfast on the c-built

How Fights Start…….

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the
gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..

================

I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started….

================

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And that’s when the fight started…

================

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer
would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started……

================
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…

================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started..

================

SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST… ..

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf,
Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush. I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass,
you might as well sweep the driveway.’

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Not much to report this week. At least nothing too funny. No one fell in, no one hurt themselves. No one did anything stupid. I am not sure whether I was at tern or not. It was too quiet.

As a matter of fact, I was there 5 days this week, and I was alone 90% of the time. Weather once again kept all the fair weather drinkers ERR boaters on land.

Thirst-an-Howl and I hit it hard at Toscas on Wedneday night after doing some cleaning on the dock.

wine was the beverage of the night

The Electric police are out:

Watch your electric consumption, turn off your lights. Do not run your block heaters and use your AC units sparingly. The electric police are out. We are now being charged and metered for our electric use. In the past due to sketchy posts and reporting, we have been sliding. But with the new meters, we will get billed for what we use.

We need to get nancy a badge

Reminder:

This year the big dock party will not be a pirate party, but a LUAU Party. The date is July 17th starting around 5:00

This is for marina people and a few selected guests. The pirate party went well last year and we are going to try again. Bring your hawaian shirts, grass skirts, coconut bras etc.

Let me or anyone else involved know if you have any ideas. We are thinking about a pig roast in the parking lot, a calypso band and of course DJ MONTY.

Be ready to decorate your boat with xmas lights and palm trees.

We need to involve the kids too. Maybe we can get the harbormaster to give a safety course to the kids, or maybe a zodiac parade. Think of something between now and then.

This is all pending approval from management, but it looks good, if it does not get out of hand ( of Course)

P_Town Pirate Party

The pirate party will take place in P-town on the last weekend in july. So far I think we have 20 boats going. If you have not called for a reservation, Call now.

enough business, back to whats happening on the docks. Lets talk about me for a second, seeing as I was the only one on the dock along with Alec and Demi on the searay.

I took friday off, and moved my boat from the outside to the inside.  people think it was Clyde Crashcup that made me move, but it was the slip from Hell that made me move. The tides kill you out there. in or out it is too tough to dock. Throw in the wind and a 50 footer that sticks out and the anxiety is too much for this boater. I am so much happier on the inside. I feel like I am back home. My new home is next to Joey. I made up a pizza tray that is duct taped to a boat hook, so that we can pass meat back and forth from the magma’s.

Glad to be back home

friday night, I went on the “A” tour into Boston with friends. Artie, Vickie, Mike and Janet. We had fun. Got back in the dark. people always seem to want to stay out, but I always want to come back to the dock. HMMM I wonder WHY? Could it be that they are drinking while I am driving? I do not drink and drive, So I am always hightailing it back so I can crack one open.

” Do not drink and drive a boat”  It makes other people nervous…..

This is what drinking and driving looks like

leaving Boston at night

Saturday was a washout. Cleaned the boat and watched  movies all night.

Sunday:

Not much going on here. Alec caught a 27 inch striper off of “E” dock. in the early morning fog. The Chef and I went for a zodiac ride, and then off to Seadogs house for a graduation party where i dj’d for the day.

DJ Monty spins em up

Ernest ( the life of any party)

The dog... Come back to Tern you nit wit

little seadog

Hot Chicks on monty's boat

Rainbow over D Dock

The Toomey twins

Big Toomey

Little Toomey

Guess Who?

Guess who this is for dinner on my boat?

See you next week

Captain Monty

Guess Who?

Ah, Don Cherry, best coach the Boston Bruins ever had . . . . . .

Damn it this is going too far

.

.

.

.

This shot shows the serious damage caused to the wildlife by the recent BP blowout …

I am volunteering right now to go down to the coast and help clean the wildlife with my own two hands.

Where do I sign up?

The worst number is #2

Why?

If you cannot be number 1, then your are number 2 . Nobody ever knows who is #2  We all know who the first president was, but do you know who the second president was? Maybe not.

We all know who the first draft pick was, but who was #2?

When you were a kid and you had to go to the bathroom, your mom said “do you have to go #1 or #2.  That says it all #2 = SHIT.

You know it does. Nobody has #2 as their favorite number. 4, 5,7 or 69, but never #2. Number two is SHIT.

Two girls one cup?  See what I mean….

They say that two heads are better than one    But    Are they really????

Two is a bad number.

T.W.O.    is an acronym for ” The Weird One”    Need I say more.

2 is just a bad number. don’t ever wish to be second. Two sucks!!

Dina’s Pizza

930 Hingham Street

Rockland, Ma

Tel # 781-871-1100

M-S  11AM- 10Pm

INTERNET PASTA SPECIAL-  Any TWO(2) pasta dinners with a liter of soda

$14.99 ( savings up to $7.00)

you could seriously feed a family of five with this order. choose from lasagna,chicken broccoli and ziti, chicken Parmesan or any other homemade pasta meal.

offer good till 10/31/2011

Take it from me, this is the BEST sub and pizza shop on the South Shore. Believe me when I tell you I have been to them all. I have, but I always go back to Dina’s ( formally Yianni’s )

As a matter of fact I go there 4 times a week.

The food is delicious and homemade. The place is clean and the service is fast.

The family that runs this place is as nice as they come. They have daily specials, as well as the usual pizzas and subs.

Attention to detail and quality service is the hallmark at Dina’s.

If you are not happy, tell them they will make you another. The portions are huge. You will never leave there hungry. I promise!!!

I use two rules to know if a place is really good. One, do they have regulars, and two, are there a lot of fat guys in the place. And besides me, there are plenty.

Give it a try.

• Eat in
• Take out
• delivery

Mention MONTY and get  2 Large Cheese Pizza’s and a 2 Liter soda for $18.99 + tax of course.

Monty Rating

***** 5/5  Stars

ask for "mom"

MONTY!!! Are you really taking my picture?

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain.   His copilot is Chinese. It’s  the first time they’ve flown Together and an awkward silence  between the two, seems to indicate a  mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising  altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back  in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don’t like Chinese..’

No rike  Chinese?’ asks the copilot, … ..why not?’

You people  bombed  Pearl Harbor , that’s why!’

No, no,  the  co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl  Hahbah ! That Japanese, not Chinese.’

Japanese, Chinese,  Vietnamese… .doesn’t matter, you’re  all  alike!’

There’s a few minutes of silence..

I no rike  Jews either!’ the copilot suddenly announces.

Oh yeah, why not?’  asks the captain.

Jews sink Titanic says the  co-pilot.’

What? That’s insane! Jews didn’t sink the  Titanic!’exclaims the captain, ‘It was  an iceberg!’

Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg,  Rosenberg ,  ….nomattah…all same ! ! !

I was thinking yesterday that I cannot remember the last time a dog was chasing my car. When I was younger, I could not leave the driveway without 5 dogs chasing me down the street. I hated it. You always lost site of them and expected to hear a rolling thump at any moment.

Now dogs are all on leashes. they have expensive pet fences or are taken to the dog park.

By the way, the best dog park on the south shore is Stoddard park in Hingham on the Weymouth line on the back river. Easy walk. great views. friendly dogs and owners. Give it a try.

Another thought. Why is it that when a bird flys into your car and appears to go into the grill, or under the car, you turn around and you never see it dead. How do they ever get away?

Does it make you feel bad when you run over a squirrel, chipmunk, rabbit, skunk?  I should not care, but it always bothers me a little.

I do not know? really. Some say that they are decaying, and some say that it is the iron in the vitamin.

Whatever it is it stinks. I wondered if your breath smells after taking these rancid pills. My research says no, but my breath says yes.

My answer is to just stop taking them. By the way. Flinstone vitamins do not smell. I might try these, but honestly. I try to pick out the betty vitamins first then the wilma’s. I honestly feel funny eating pebbles. I just throw away the Fred and barney one’s

Why does your pee glow in the dark after you take a vitamin?

I eat 5000 calories a day. I must be getting all the nourishment I need, so I think I am just going to stop taking yet another pill.

Betty vs Wilma

I need a new dinghy. one that will plane

I am begging for something to write about this week. There usually is too much to choose from. Someone is always exposing themselves to ridicule and dying to be written up. It was so quiet, I think that even D-Dock is off of double secret probation from management.

We had one interesting incident on “C” dock. It appears that Mrs “B” went to step off the swim platform and onto the dock and short stepped the dock. OOPS! SPLASH!!! Into the drink she went. The irony was that Barry White ( let’s call him BW) ran to the rescue. Saving the sinking damsel in distress. The irony is that it was the same BW that took a dixie off the dock two weeks ago. Paying forward I guess. Mrs B might have been alright if there was ever a person on C dock to get a line. That is why they call “C” dock the mortuary of slips.

Speaking of “C” dock   the M&M’s from the Tiara and the Knight Rider on the Rampage whooped it up hard on Saturday night at the Next page.  They all looked a little Green on Sunday.

It was a slow weekend due to sketchy weather. Weather was the word all weekkend. I heard  rain, and more rain. I heard thunder showers, hail, tornado’s 40 knot winds. We got a little of everything, but overall, it was not that bad. But all the talk kept everybody grounded. No one left the docks. If you were around at 2:00 AM on Saturday, you would have found me standing in my underwear in my cockpit admiring the lightning storm, till JOJO dragged me in.

Friday night we took a flotilla over to Wessagusett Yacht Club for dinner. We tied up for a few hours. They are looking for more diners on boats. I hope you find it better than we did. The food was just ok. They had no milk, no cheese, no tarter sauce and the service was dreadfully slow. That makes it sound bad, but I am just going to chalk it up to early season issues and try again soon.

Speaking of dinners, Boobie Orr, Pamela, Alec and Demi went to the square cafe and then afterward to the new Alma Nova. We have been waiting for thier opening. apparently, Boobie was furious that they did not have chocolate martini’s, nor white zinfandel, or corona. What’s a diabetic to drink? he was sour after his first visit.

weekend no shows: The Lebanese lover, Muffy, swibby, and the D&D’s from B dock.

Cameo appearances: Alec ( bad back), Thurston Howl, Percy and Switch

Percy & Switch went off on an all guy cruise Friday night. I think things went sour, as that is the last I saw Switch all weekend.

Renaming everyone to protect the innocent can backfire. Apparently Clyde Crashcup next to me does not like his moniker. He might be sorry if I have to pick another. reminds me of when I used to coach baseball. I gave every kid a nickname, like butch, slider, homer, clutch etc. I said to the kids. You can ask for a new name, but you only can change once.After that the name sticks. So one dopey kid goes I don’t like my name ( slider). So I said no problem “booger” Now does anybody else want to change? No one else changed after that. I think they still call that kid booger.

All in all, a very quiet weekend. B dock as usual was carrying the torch for party time. The chairs and coolers were out most of the weekend. They got take-out from Chinese  to Italian as they drank under the glow of the cocktail lights hanging from the Miss Jacqueline.

Lets hope that next weekend I have something more to write about.

Seadog & Kelly where are you???

Monty

Pics of the week:

D dock Glee club

dinner with Slushers @ Wessagusett YC

dinner with barry white and Doreen

Red Faced killer and Genessee

cute kid and "steak tip" the dog

I miss my new best friend "swibby"

Zack chillin watching TV

Fee Fee reading

Fee Fee I don't want to know what is going on here?

Breakfast on the design Oar

Breakfast ala "monty"

One guess on who's boat this is on.

Quiet on B dock

Really quiet on "C" Dock

Who's face is this? take a guess and win dinner on my boat?

Anchor Boy asked Scuba Steve a question: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”

To which Scuba Steve from B-Dock replies: “If they fell forwards they’d still be in the fuckin’ boat.”

In 1912, the Famous austrian Gynecologist Dr James Gilberto, MD Ph.D

Published the following:

“The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started one finger. It is self lubricating. It takes all size pistons. And it changes its  own oil every four weeks. It is a pity, that the management system is so fucking tempermental.”

Bridal showers Baby showers, April showers whatever!!!

The only thing I know is that ALL woman hate them. They bitch about everyone of them.

They always hold these showers on a Sunday on the nicest days, right smack dab in the middle of the day.

Rather than making people go to something that they dread, just send them an email with your paypal account and have them send you $30.00.

Woman would gladly send you the money rather than showing up at some hall in the middle of a Sunday in 90 degree heat. It will save you the hall rental fee and you will not have to buy plates full of pasta and salad.

This makes me think of one more thing that woman hate ( besides me) and that is tupperware parties, or jewelry parties, or pocketbook parties. You could name 10 more of these lame parties.

This reminds me of a story. A friend had a dirty toys party. She had someone display, dildo’s, creams, lingerie and all kinds of nasty vibrating stuff. What is funny is that she sells like $50.00 worth. All the woman seemed horrified by the gels and vibrating toys. They giggled and said no way, I would not buy that.

So the woman sends home the list of items and a place to send away for everything that slipped through their hands or vibrated. It turns out that she got $1000+ of orders when no one was looking and judging.

Funny how people are.

Monty