The Monty Minute » Random stuff

What is Plymouth Rock Studios

monty — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 15:26:32 +0000

I had to ask the question.

What is Plymouth Rock Studios? I keep hearing that some movie studio is coming to Plymouth and will be the next best thing, since the Mayflower landed, The nuke plant went on-line, and they built Pinehills.

All I hear is that this will be the saving grace of the south shore. All the houses on Warren Ave will be selling for millions, and that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be shopping at Buttners.

What is it and what the Hell is happening. I cannot wait.

Here is what I know. It sounds like a good idea and a pipe dream. Nothing is on the horizon, but the idea is a great one. They have a website, and CEO’s and COO”s and marketing and planning people. I would like one of these jobs. It would be like working for the state. No one knows what you do, but you get paid a lot, and nothing happens.

Check out their website:

Plymouth Rock Studios

Here is what they have to say:

Plymouth Rock Studios Holdings, LLC is proposing a state-of-the-art, earth friendly, film and television studio campus, projected to break ground in Plymouth, Massachusetts in 2010. The opportunity identified by the Company comprises an investment in a mixed use real estate development and provision of ancillary services, tours, special events and other revenues streams associated with the operation of a full service film, television and commercial digital studio.

Retiring on my Yacht

monty — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:08:16 +0000

That’s right, I am retiring. I have had enough of the corporate rat race. I have been waiting 3 years for the yacht company to finish my custom designed boat.

Check it out:

Yes you read it right, a whole amazing island built right on a beautiful yacht. Created by UK-based yacht design company Yacht Island Designs, bringing a whole island onto a yacht.

The design as you can see is inspired by tropical islands, with huts, a pool and to top of that, a whole volcano that is sure not to erupt. Since this is a yacht, it comes packed with special VIP rooms, arcades, gym, lounges, spas and even a helipad. The volcano adds a lot of beauty to the whole look of the yacht, it also happens to have water flowing out of it onto the pool creating this amazing river complementing the whole tropical look.

The back of the yacht has a retractable beach deck where structures float on the sea making the sea accessible to swim in and of course grant access to various water activities such as wake boarding and jet-skis. The whole concept is pure genius and the result looks even better.

Happy Halloween

monty — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 18:05:23 +0000

Miss Kentucky priceless!

monty — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:50:37 +0000

The new Miss Kentucky

This picture that will haunt her for the rest of her life:

Make-up and hair style ……………… $500

New dress for the show ………………$700

Giant stuffed bear ………………. $300

Not knowing how to hold the

bear with a microphone in her hand

…..Priceless!!!

Huge scrotum Huge Problem

monty — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:01:42 +0000

Help a brother out!

Here is a charity worth your money. There is a 47 year old man in Las Vegas, who ‘s balls are too big. Girls always want to know if that bulge in your jeans is the frank or the beans. Well in this case, it is clearly the beans.

The poor bastard needs a $1,000, 000 operation to get rid of his 100 pound ball sack.

If you would like to donate to this worthy cause, contact this poor guy at

benefitballsack@yahoo.com.

I would usually say that this guy has a lot of balls asking for donations but in this case, I am sending him a few bucks.

Check out this video, and let me know how you cannot make this your favorite charity.

how long does the average person spend on the toilet?

monty — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 14:22:01 +0000

The average person spends Three years of their life on the toilet. That is a FACT.

I read this statistic, and it got me to thinking.

What are people doing in there? Everybody is different. For me, I like to hit and run. No need to be hanging out in there, wallowing around in the smell.

Other people like to make it a getaway spot. They bring in books and computers. They have to get their zen on before they can perform. It is not unusual for some people to be on the John for 30 minutes.

If you are on the toilet for thirty minutes, one, your legs will go numb, two, you probably did not have to really go in the first place, and three, call your doctor you have issues.

I have a few other thoughts. I am a door locker. I think it is a private moment and I need to be left alone. Don’t talk to me, and for god sakes don’t walk in.

Three years sounds like a lot to be sitting on the toilet. If that is really the case, then you should prepare.

get a nice seat.
have candles to set the mood and create a scent.
install a window, or really good fan
have a library with books and magazines accessible.
get a Tv installed if you are a person who is dragging the stats down.
Most of all, get god paper. People that chinz out on toilet paper are just wrong and misguided. Save money some place else.

So if you are a lingerer. Think about the YEARS you have wasted on the bowl, and get off your ass literally and use that time in a more constructive way.

Why Vote for Michelle Bachman?

monty — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 13:57:13 +0000

Hello!!!!

She should get 98% percent of the male vote after this display. Now that is talent.

Bob Bellenoit catches ball in the 9th inning

monty — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 12:55:46 +0000

OMG! My buddy and sophomore member of the GGG’s caught a ball on national TV.

Check it out.

I would have guessed that was a lucky catch.

Here is what could have happened.

hit in the head while holding two beers
falls over rail while trying to catch the ball
hit in the back of the head while going for his 6th leak of the night
fall into the lap of the hot chick next to him.
stand up and reveal the pee stain on his shorts
Bob drops baby to catch ball
Bob gets caught by his boss at the game when he was supposed to be working.

Either way. Good job Bob. I am proud of you.

fat bob at Dodger stadium

Monty

Sour Hour

monty — Mon, 16 May 2011 17:45:01 +0000

I am in a sour mood. People piss me off some times.

I hate shit like:

When people say shit to people that you said and you never said it or thought it.
when people are slow
when people call you 4 times and dont leave a message and are pissed because you did not call them.
I hate Claude Julian. Play segin for christs sakes
I hate that Belichek picks the groceries. We would be better off if he just coached em up
I hate the welfare system.
I hate soap operas
I hate windy days
I hate cleaning my car
I hate rules
I hate cats
I hate snakes
I hate dropped calls
I hate easter
I hate junk mail
I hate having to wear glasses
I hate being fat
I hate lima beans

Well that took 20 seconds. I hate rereading what I wrote, so I am just going to publish this bullshit. I hate writing stupid blogs just to write something.

AFLAC DUCK voice over audition – The BEST

monty — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:48:52 +0000

Bob Wright from Weymouth ma, does the best Voiceover during his audition to become the new voice of the Aflac duck.

Technology Gifts for Old People

monty — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 21:05:11 +0000

We make the mistake all the time buying gifts for people that we would like ourselves. This is especially true for older people.

Who is older? Let’s say 50+

So if you are thinking about buying the latest gadget for you mom or dad, think carefully.

Most older people refuse to learn new things, and cannot comprehend how to operate something.

Do not buy them an x-box

do not buy them an i phone

not even an ipad.

What they can handle ( if you set it up for them )

wii- once you get them started old folks love the wii. it is easier than a playstation or x-box. But do not expect them to get by bowling.
low tech phone. get the one with big numbers and just a few features
netflix- pick out 60 movies in a que with them and just teach them how to put it back in the envelope.
dvd- see #4 dump the VHS they all have and give it a go.
photo scanner- if they have a computer and they probably do not, this is a great gift. They can scan all the old pictures from the shoe boxes in the attic.
laptop or computer with email. At your peril. If they like the email or skype feature they will not leave you alone. No built in camera. They do not get the concept.
digital photo album- load it up for them and turn it on. after a power outage, it will never work again, I promise.
High def Tv- the only problem here is that they need a new remote, and they cannot find the buttons that they have memorized on the old one.
Car GPS- 2-10 might get the concept
Life alert- I have fallen and I can’t get up. If all else fails, this is the best and most practical techie gift you can give them.

Good luck with this stuff. If you can think of anything else, let me know. leave a comment.

Monty age 55, I have all this shit, so don’t give me any of it. I am typing this on dragon.

hingham fitness center-review- Fit Body

monty — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 19:12:26 +0000

Fit Body
292 Lincoln Street
Hingham, Ma 02043
781-836-5255

View Larger Map

I have done it. Finally after 30 years of going to the gym. I have gone and got some professional advice, and I went to Fit Body in Hingham.

Lets see I have been going to the gym for 30 years. 4-5 days a week religiously, and I am 80 pounds over weight.

If my handicap moves two points, I go to the golf pro and get a lesson. Why then would I not go to a pro for getting in shape and losing weight.

My friends Dave and BW have been going to Fit Body in Hingham for personal training for 6 months now. They have lost up to 70 pounds each and they look better,They feel better and they like it.

I have been giving it a try. I do have to say that I hurt all over after my workout. I sometimes need help getting out of a chair, sitting on the toilet, or just getting a leg in my pants, but Bill and Tim at Fit Body tell me that this will go away, as I get into better shape.

If you are thinking about losing weight, toning up, or just interested in trying out for the next episode of Jersey Shore and you need a little assistance, then Fit Body in Hingham is for you.

I feel better, I am not as tired as I used to be, and my wife even says that I am my old self.
BW
Weymouth Ma

These are my before and after pictures

Dave G
Weymouth Ma

before and after

I have asked Tim for his best deal and he says that if you mention the Monty Minute, you will not only get a free workout and evaluation, But you will get 10% any future visits.

This makes a very inexpensive workout even better.

Best workout place on the south shore.

Strength Training-Power Lifting-endurance/stamina training-core/balance training-personal training-small group training-group classes

National Donut Day

monty — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:00:20 +0000

Today is national donut day. I am no stranger to donuts. I know that they are bad for you, but I sneek one in once in awhile. Back whenI was a kid, they were not bad for you, along with a lot of other stuff, but someone came out and said they were bad and voila’ , no one eats donuts anymore.

Too Bad!

My favorite donuts are:

French Crullers

Plain

Honey dip( glazed)

Apple cinnamon

Bavarian Cream

I like Dunkin Donuts. Krispy Kreme’s were all the rage, but unless you get the hot glazed ones right out of the oven, they are really over rated.

The best donut I ever had, was on a side road in Las vegas, off the beaten track. They might have been one of the best things I ever ate.

Here is a little history of national Donut Day:

National Doughnut Day is on the first Friday of June each year. The holiday celebrates the doughnut (a.k.a “donut”) — an edible, ring-shaped piece of dough which is deep-fried and sweetened. Many American doughnut stores offer free doughnuts on National Doughnut Day. In 2009,

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army “Lassies” of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.

Presidents day

monty — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:27:01 +0000

Another made up holiday, so we can have a day off in February. One of the bullshit holidays. I include Columbus day, Veterans day, Labor day, Presidents day and Of Course MLK day. At least we get a day off for these made up holidays.

If it is black history month? Black people should get the whole month off. I also think that white history month should be July. My people should get that month off. If I am going to be off for months at a time, like a teacher, I want it to be the summer.

What does presidents day mean to me. Nothing absolutely nothing. In the old days, when people had money, they bought cars on this day. Of the 44 presidents, I do not think I can name even half. I would have a hard time just naming the ones while I have been alive. My two favorites in my lifetime have been Jack Kennedy. He was from Mass, and he was banging hot chicks, while in office. I guess if Clinton were from Mass I would have to like him too, as he was banging chicks in the oval office also.

I liked Reagan the most. He was wholesome, smart, caring and a no nonsense guy.

Can you name all four?????

"name em"

What is the chance of this dude making the rock in 100 years?

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Barack holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

—————

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Barack

Barack who?

If this place is barackin’ don’t come a knockin’

Presidential Pigs

Air Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm.

As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.

Clinton says, “You’ll have to excuse me. I can’t return your salute. My hands are full.”

“Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!” responds the Marine.

“Now hold on,” says Clinton. “These aren’t just pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks.”

“Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!” says the Marine.

“I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary,” Clinton explains.

The Marine answers, “Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so myself Sir!”

Animal names

monty — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 14:47:59 +0000

This may or may not surprise you, but I must have 20 male friends with animal names. I do not even know their real names in some cases.

Here are a few that I can think of. many of them are duplicates. For instance i know two mooses and 3 dogs.

Moose (2)

Dog(3)

Fox

Bear

Fish- this could apply to most. I thought his name was fish because of his drinking problem, but I guess his dad owned a fish store and that is where it came from.

Seadog

Pelican

Squid

Bird

Mouse

Shark

bambi

ASK MONTY

monty — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:10:28 +0000

I get asked questions all the time, so I am thinking of writing an advice column. If you have anything that is on your mind, please send your questions to gmontgo@gmail.com I will try to answer them for you.

Happy Halloween

monty — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:33:02 +0000

Dancing with the stars

monty — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 16:19:30 +0000

Presidential dance off

Click Here

Anniversary

monty — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:31:38 +0000

I like to post about my thoughts on holidays and significant dates.

I guess today is no different.

Today is my anniversary. My wife and I have been married for 29 years, and including the 4 years engaged, that is 33 years of commitment

You might ask me how? The simple answer is, that she is either not very smart ( and i know she is one of the smartest woman I know) or she has lots and lots of patience to put up with my shit and shenanigans. There is a pathway to heaven for her after all these years with me.

On my part is is very simple: She is the most important person in my life, and I love her more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

I know this sappy hallmark greeting is out of character, and the mrs. never reads the monty minute, but this blog his not only home to jokes and porn, but it is a memoir of things in my life.

Happy anniversary JOJO

Happy 50th Don Allan

monty — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:57:32 +0000

Last weekend, on the docks we had a 50th Birthday party for my dear friend Don Allan.

Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with dudes so old, but he has the boat next to me and he makes good drinks.

We had a great time. Don supplied all the booze, and had a pasta chef there that made pasta dishes with crab, lobster,shrimp,kielbasa etc with a choice of Alfredo, pesto,red, garlic butter sauces.

DJ Monty rocked the house all night long. He spun tunes from hard rock to disco. When the police showed up, we had to turn it down a bit, only to be cranked up for Don to do some of his signature dances.

Don boogeyed out on the stern of the c-built to tunes like:

I’m to sexy

Strokin

Can a nigger get a table dance

Ellens techno mix

All in all it was a good time.

Don does not let diabetes or erectile dysfuntion slow him down at age 50, so don’t let it bring you down either.

I will have dock party pictures and video posted here soon, so stay tuned.

Oh Ya DON, it is ok to puke after your party, Just help Ellen clean up next time