I have been feeling like shit for about a month. No surprise here. There are about a hundred viruses going around, and you know how well i treat myself.
So I am having these weird feelings. I am tired, and I am thirsty, and I am a little groggy and disoriented and what is really weird is that i am getting a numbing sensation in my right pinky finger, right small toe and occasionally my right nostril. I am also getting sharp pains from my lower left side in my stomach ( diverticulitis).
None of this is a word of a lie. I promise.
So I make an appt with the Doctor. He says you look ok. Right there i should have started to worry. He takes my Blood pressure and it is 120 over 78 . Nice he says. Then the Pulse 60 Nice again. Lets take some blood work.
So I go in and give some blood. That goes alright, so i go home and wait for the results a week goes by and i still feel like shit, then another week of feeling like shit, and the letter arrives.
Here is what it says and I am typing verbatum:
Dear Monty: ( well it had my real name that only my doctor and my mom call me)
Your blood pressure and your pulse and general condition were fine. The results of your blood work are in and are as follows with the desired results in parentheses where appllicable: Total Cholesterol 129 (less than 200) HDL 46 ( greater than 40) LDL 67 ( less than 130) and tryglycerides 100 ( less than 150).
Your blood sugar was normal indicating no diabetes. The liver, muscle,and kidney function tests were also normal.
These results are excellent ! You should continue what you are doing? Give me a call if you have any questions after reading this letter.
QUESTIONS????
Are you shitting me???
I am thinking two things. One should I find a new Doctor? or who’s blood did they test? I was was waiting to read that I was pregnant.
Now lets see. I am on 7 medications, I am 80 pouinds overweight. I drink like a fish. drink 7 cups of coffeee a day. I am stressed out about everything, i feel like shit. My muscles ache and i am feeling depressed. I have sleep apnea, premature alzheimers and erectile disfunction ( added for effect)
I eat bacon as much as possible. Red meat everyday. My face is so red everybody asks me if I just got back from vacation, and this guys says that your results are excellent ” keep doing what you are doing”
Well if i am doing it right, then I need to write a book, and you need to jump on the bandwagon.
The Three best radio callers in Boston are as follows in this order.
Butch from the cape- I loved it when he called Drew bledsoe ” Nancy Drew” and Nomar Garciaparra No Arm
Frank from Gloucester- you just want to listen to this train wreck. he talks trash, cries, and has no teeth and hangs out with hookers and pole dancers ( typical Yankee fan)
Angry Bill- I like him, because he reminds me of myself.
One last point. I love that guy on the WEEI whiner line that imitates Robert Kraft. When he yells ( Jonathan?) I can’t stop laughing. No fan of the rest of the not so funny whiners.
Patriots: signed Algae Crumpler yesterday…Jesus, he is so old, he could play for the Celtics. He is a pant load that can only block. But if you have Matt light and nick Kazar as your tackles. By Jesus you better get some blocking help. Randy Moss has worn his welcome with me, hurry back Wes Welker, you are the heart of the team. Do you think Tom Brady really, I mean really cares any more? God bless him if he does. I wouldn’t if I were him. The Pats will botch another draft starting 4/22. They need a running back or a linebacker with the #1
Celtics: They are dying faster than the Obama health care bill. they are old and worn out. Rasheed is a cancer. Who needs a seven footer who shoots three’s?
Red Sox: I like their pitching. I still think that Theo is a genius and Terry Francoma is a moron.
Bruins: Watched that dibacle last night. Who cut the balls off of this team. They suck. They are a bunch of heartless homo’s. Claude Julian sucks, and is it any wonder that jeremy Jacobs has owned the team for over 30 years and we have not won since he took over.
NCAA’s : hint here. get closer, and i will whisper this money making secret to you. Go to vegas and bet the underdogs in the first round, you will be rich, and never have to work again. I promise.
I had to remind someone the other day about the 95% rule. I have to remind my self all the time about the 95% rule. I am a violator.
What is the 95% rule? Simple:
There are three things that 95% of other people do not care about. These are three things that you care a lot about.
They are as follows ( not in any order)
How your kid is doing in sports and school. People nod their head and act like they care, but they don’t. believe me. If they did, they would put a bumper sticker on their car that said
” MY BUDDIES KID WAS STUDENT OF THE MONTH AT THE OBAMA MIDDLE SCHOOL”
2. Your dog or cat. no one cares. when you walk into your buddies house and the dog starts humping your leg or jumps on your lap, take my word for it you hate it. Now if your buddies wife jumps in your lap or starts to hump your leg, then by all means go for it, but the dog uhh uh.
3. Vacation and wedding pictures……………
again nobody but you cares about your vacation or your wedding. They are pretending.
Now the next time you tell anybody about your kids homerun, or show them pictures of your trip to Aruba, or say isn’t my dog so cute and adorable. Remember that they do not care, or you better hope that they are in that 5%. Even your mom is not in that 5%, so just figure nobody cares.
I catch myself doing all three, so I don’t know how many people i have horrified or just bored the Hell out of over the years.
If I have( and I have) I am sorry……
Oh by the way, here is a picture of my kids and their dog.
My daughter graduated college Suma Cum Laud, and My son finished first in the Whitman Hanson regional tournament. Isn’t the dog adorable?
A little boy asked his
teacher if he could go to the bath- room.
She said
yes.
When he went to wipe his fanny there was no
toilet paper so, he used
his hand.
When he got
back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have
in
your hand?”
The boy said, “A little leprechaun
and if I open my hand he’ll get
scared away.”
He
was then sent to the principal’s office and the
principal asked
him, “What do you have in your
hand?”
The little boy said, “A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands
he’ll get scared away.”
The
principal got mad and yelled, “Open your hands
NOW!”
He did and the little boy said, “Oh great , now
look what you did,
you scared the shit out of him!”
Heavenly Father,
>
>Within the past year you have taken away my favorite dancer, Michael
>Jackson, my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah
>Fawcett, my favorite comedian, Soupy Sales, my favorite pitchman, Billy Mays
>and my favorite sidekick, Ed McMahon.
>
>Just so you know, my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and
>Harry Reid.
>
>Thank you and Amen!
>
There are 301 towns and 50 cities+ and 14 Counties
+ There are twelve communities in Massachusetts which have applied for, and been granted, city forms of government, though they wish to be known as “the town of”. They are: Agawam, Amesbury, Barnstable, Braintree, Easthampton, Franklin, Greenfield, Methuen, Southbridge, Watertown, West Springfield and Weymouth.
Oldest, Newest, Largest and Smallest Communities:
*
Geographic center of Massachusetts is the Town of Rutland in Worcester County.
*
Oldest town: Plymouth incorporated 1620
*
Oldest city: Boston incorporated 1820
*
Newest town: East Brookfield incorporated 1920
*
Newest city: Braintree incorporated 2007
*
Smallest by population: Town of Gosnold, 86 / City of North Adams, 14,681
*
Smallest by square miles: Town of Nahant, 1.04 / City of Chelsea, 1.86
*
Largest by population: Town of Framingham, 66,910 / City of Boston, 589,141
*
Largest by square miles: Town of Plymouth, 97.57 / City of Taunton, 47.29
How did Brookline and Cohasset become “islands” of Norfolk County?
When looking at the county boundaries, you may notice that the towns of Brookline and Cohasset lie outside and are not contiguous to the rest of their county. The second Norfolk County was organized in 1793 from parts of southern Suffolk County and the towns of Brookline+, Cohasset, Hingham and Hull as well as the approximate area of towns that now comprise Norfolk County. In 1803 the towns of Hingham and Hull opted out of Norfolk and became part of Plymouth County, thus cutting off Cohasset.
+ In 1795, Brookline petitioned the Supreme Judicial Court to “change its allegiance” back to Suffolk County, the court however, ignored the petition.
An historical note on county government in New England
Generally speaking, New England states do not have as active a county government system as compared to the rest of the nation. In Massachusetts for example, state roads (usually numbered routes) are cared for by the state highway department (MassHighway), while individual communities care for non-state roads within their borders. This can cause some confusion for folks who move here from other parts of the nation as the opposite appears true in their former home state.
Anomalies of note: Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts 02467
There are many neighborhood or area names that may cross local borders of one kind or another but, Chestnut Hill goes a little further than most. It is comprised of parts of the City of Boston, the City of Newton, and the Town of Brookline, as well as being comprise of the counties Suffolk, Middlesex, and Norfolk.
last month i sold the truck. No takers yet on the pool table ( 8 1/2 ft) or the 2000 34 foot searay ( this will be a steal)
This month for sale I have :
Toro sit down mower. $ 400.00 or best offer
a punching bag $25.00
A hockey game one of the guys does not work on the blue team $75.00
a bottle of wine from Super Bowl XXXII (logo’d) $50.00 Merlot
Can you help a brother out? I could use the money and I want to get rid of some shit. Send the pickers over.
Next month, look for a grill, outdoor heater, bikes and a ping pong table.
When you live in a big house, you fill it up with stuff. When you have a big boat you fill it up with STUFF. When you are fat, you just eat more to fill it up and maintain your weight.
Can a guy who is not gay have a girl or a woman for a friend? A best friend?
I asked 5 guys and when pressed they all told me no. That even though they were friends, they still wanted to bang her. Interesting.
When I asked woman, they all said that they could be friends without thinking about sex.
As a matter of fact they all said hey Monty, your my friend and the thought of sex never ever crossed my mind. Even for a million dollars it would not cross my mind. I would sooner pull my finger nails out, or get eaten by a lion. I say alright i get it.
If you a re a guy and you have a woman best friend, you are GAY. I did not say it is right, and I did not make it up, it is just the results of an extensive polling process.
I love and hate to read resume’s. They make me laugh and they make me sick at the same time.
They always start out with some statement that is cut and pasted.
Like: Utilize my skills to reach total enrichment of company goals blah blah blah
Just say I am broke and I need a job. I have a house, a wife and kids and I am desperate. I will sell, answer the phones, Hell I will clean the restroom.
Now you will be getting somewhere and you will be noticed.
If you are looking for a salesjob, well start selling yourself.
I love the resume’s where the person looks so good, they could do your job in half a day. Then you look and they have had 12 jobs in 9 years. Suspicious? I think so. This person is a pain in the ass, I promise you.
Never interview for a job and say ” I want your job”. Young people always say that. Careful what you ask for,They might give you the seat and see what you can do. They would crap in their pants. Also, never ask how many sick days do I get.
As soon as you ask that, the interview is over. You are looking for a job and your first question, is how many Mondays and Friday’s a year can I call in with a hangover. That is just plain stupid.
Google gets 2800 resume’s a day that is more than 2 a minute. People all see the email with the free food and the loosy goosey atmosphere. Why do you think they give free food? so you will stay all day and night and work. don’t be fooled.
I asked a guy the other day who got a new job, how many weeks vacation he got and he said ” unlimited” I said that is brilliant on the employers part. If you got 3 you would take 3. If you got 4 , you would take 4. So they give you no set amount and no one takes more than 2. If you took 4 you would be gone in a year. Brilliant.
Another thought. I saw some people picketing their job site the other day. Just a thought here, but bad timing. there is 10 point + unemployment now. I am keeping mine. Thank you.
This might be too long, but it gives good intel from someone that seems to know what they are talking about.
US Weapons:
1) The M-16 rifle:
Thumbs down. Chronic jamming problems with the talcum powder like sand over there. The sand is everywhere. Jordan says you feel filthy 2 minutes after coming out of the shower. The M-4 carbine version is more popular because it’s lighter and shorter, but it has jamming problems also. They lack the ability to mount the various optical gunsights and weapons lights on the picatinny rails, but the weapon itself is not great in a desert environment. They all hate the 5.56mm (.223) round. Poor penetration on the cinderblock structure common over there and even torso hits can’t be reliably counted on to put the enemy down.
Fun fact: Random autopsies on dead insurgents show
a high level of opiate use.
2) The M243 SAW (squad assault weapon): .223 cal. Drum fed light machine gun.
Big thumbs down. Universally considered a piece of shit. Chronic jamming problems, most of which require partial disassembly (that’s fun in the middle of a firefight).
3) The M9 Beretta 9mm:
Mixed bag. Good gun, performs well in desert environment; but they all hate the 9mm cartridge. The use of handguns for self-defense is actually fairly common. Same old story on the 9mm: Bad guys hit multiple times and still in the fight.
4) Mossberg 12ga. Military shotgun:
Works well, used frequently for clearing houses to good effect.
5) The M240 Machine Gun: 7.62 NATO (.308) cal. belt fed machine gun, developed to replace the old M-60 (what a beautiful weapon that was!!) Thumbs up. Accurate, reliable, and the 7.62 round puts ‘em down. Originally
developed as a vehicle mounted weapon, more and more are being dismounted and taken into the field by infantry. The 7.62
round chews up the structure over there.
6) The M2 50 cal heavy machine gun:
Thumbs way, way up. ”Ma Deuce” is still worth her considerable weight in gold. The ultimate fight stopper – puts their dicks in the dirt very time. The most coveted weapon in-theater.
7) The .45 pistol:
Thumbs up. Still the best pistol around out there. Everybody authorized to carry a sidearm is trying to get their hands on one. With few exceptions, can reliably be expected to put ‘em down with a torso hit. The special ops guys (who are doing most of the pistol work) use the HK military model and supposedly love it. The old government model .45’s are being re-issued en masse.
The M-14:
Thumbs up. They are being re-issued in bulk, mostly in a
modified version to special ops guys. Modifications include lightweight Kevlar stocks and low power red dot or ACOG sights. Very reliable in the sandy environment, and they love the 7.62 round.
9) The Barrett .50 cal sniper rifle:
Thumbs way up. Spectacular range and accuracy and hits like a freight train. Used frequently to take out vehicle suicide bombers (we actually stop a lot of them) and barricaded enemy. It is definitely here to stay.
10) The M24 sniper rifle:
Thumbs up. Mostly in .308 but some in 300 win mag. Heavily modified Remington 700’s. Great performance. Snipers have been used heavily to great effect. Rumor has it a marine sniper on his third tour in Anbar province has actually exceeded (name removed) record for confirmed kills with OVER 100.
11) The new body
armor:
Thumbs up. Relatively light at approx. 6 lbs.and can reliably be expected to soak up small shrapnel and even will stop an AK-47 round. The bad news: Hot as shit to wear, almost unbearable in the summer heat (which averages over 120 degrees). Also, the enemy now goes for head shots whenever possible. All the bullshit about the “old” body armor making our guys vulnerable to the IED’s was a non-starter. The IED explosions are enormous and body armor doesn’t make any difference at all in most cases.
12) Night Vision and Infrared Equipment:
Thumbs way up. Spectacular performance. Our guys see in the dark and own the night, period. Very little enemy action after evening prayers. More and more enemy being whacked at night during movement by our hunter-killer teams. We’ve all seen the videos.
13) Lights:
Thumbs up. Most of the weapon mounted and personal lights
are Surefire’s, and the troops love ‘em. Invaluable for night urban operations. Jordan carried a $34 Surefire G2 on a neck lanyard and loved it. I can’t help but notice that most of the good fighting weapons and ordnance are 50 or more years old!! With all our technology, it’s the WWII and Vietnam era weapons that everybody wants!! The infantry fighting is frequent, up close and brutal. No quarter is given or shown.
Bad guy weapons:
1) Mostly AK47’s. The entire country is an arsenal. Works better in the desert than the M16 and the .308 Russian round kills reliably. PKM belt fed light machine guns are also common and effective. Luckily, the enemy mostly shoots like shit. Undisciplined “spray and pray” type fire. However, they are seeing more and more precision weapons, especially sniper rifles. (Iran, again)
2) The RPG:
Probably the infantry weapon
most feared by our guys. Simple, reliable and as common as dogshit. The enemy responded to our up-armored Humvees by aiming at the windshields, often at point blank range. Still killing a lot of our guys.
3) The IED:
The biggest killer of all. Can be anything from old Soviet anti-armor mines to jury rigged artillery shells. A lot found in Jordan’s area were in abandoned cars. The enemy would take 2 or 3 155 mm artillery shells and wire them together. Most were detonated by cell phone and the explosions are enormous. You’re not safe in any vehicle, even an M1 tank. Driving is by far the most dangerous thing our guys do over there. Lately, they are much more sophisticated “shape charges” (Iranian) specifically designed to penetrate armor. Fact: Most of the readymade IED’s are supplied by Iran, who is also providing terrorists (Hezbollah types) to train the insurgents in
their use and tactics. That’s why the attacks have been so deadly lately. Their concealment methods are ingenious, the latest being shape charges, in Styrofoam containers spray painted to look like the cinderblocks that litter all Iraqi roads. We find about 40% before they detonate, and the bomb disposal guys are unsung heroes of this war.
4) Mortars and rockets:
Very prevalent. The soviet era 122mm rockets (with an 18km range) are becoming more prevalent. One of Jordan’s NCO’s lost a leg to one. These weapons cause a lot of damage “inside the wire”. Jordan’s base was hit almost daily his entire time there by mortar and rocket fire, often at night to disrupt sleep patterns and cause fatigue (It did). More of a psychological weapon than anything else. The enemy mortar teams would jump out of vehicles, fire a few rounds, and then haul ass in a matter of seconds.
Fun fact:
Captured enemy have apparently marveled at the marksmanship of our guys and how hard they fight. They are apparently told in Jihad school that the Americans rely solely on technology, and can be easily beaten in close quarters combat for their lack of toughness. Let’s just say they know better now.
Bad guy technology:
Simple yet effective. Most communication is by cell and satellite phones and also by email on laptops. They use handheld GPS units for navigation and “Google Earth” for overhead views of our positions. Their weapons are good, if not fancy, and prevalent. Their explosives and bomb technology is TOP OF THE LINE. Night vision is rare. They are very careless with their equipment and the captured GPS units and laptops are treasure troves of Intel when
captured.
Who are the bad guys? Most of the carnage is caused by the Zarqawi Al Qaeda group. They operate mostly in Anbar province (Fallujah and Ramadi). These are mostly “foreigners” , non-Iraqi Sunni Arab Jihadists from all over the Muslim world (and Europe). Most enter Iraq through Syria (with, of course, the knowledge and complicity of the Syrian govt.), and then travel down the “rat line” which is the trail of towns along the Euphrates River that we’ve been hitting hard for the last few months.
Some are virtually untrained young Jihadists that often end up as suicide bombers or in various “sacrifice squads”. Most, however, are hard core terrorists from all the usual suspects (Al Qaeda, Hezbollah, Hamas etc.). These are the guys running around murdering civilians en masse and cutting heads off.
The Chechens (many of whom are Caucasian) are supposedly the most ruthless and the best fighters. They have been fighting the Russians for years. In the Baghdad area and south, most of the insurgents are Iranian inspired (and led) Iraqi Shiites. The Iranian Shiia have been very adept at infiltrating the Iraqi local govt’s, the police forces and the Army. They have had a massive spy and agitator network there since the Iran-Iraq war in the early 80’s. Most of the Saddam loyalists were killed, captured, or gave up long ago.
Bad Guy Tactics: When they are engaged on an infantry level they get their asses kicked every time! Brave, but stupid. Suicidal Banzai-type charges were very common earlier in the war and still occur. They will literally sacrifice 8-10 man teams in suicide squads by sending them screaming and firing AK’s and RPG’s directly at our bases just to probe the defenses.
They get mowed down like grass every time (see the M2 and M240 above). Jordan’s base was hit like this often.
When engaged, they have a tendency to flee to the same building, probably for what they think will be a glorious last stand. Instead, we call in air and that’s the end of that more often than not. These hole-ups are referred to as Alpha Whiskey Romeo’s (Allah’s Waiting Room). We have the laser guided ground-air thing down to a science. The fast mover’s, mostly Marine F-18’s, are taking an ever increasing toll on the enemy. When caught out in the open, the helicopter gunships and AC-130 Spectre Gunships cut them to ribbons with cannon and rocket fire, especially at night. Interestingly, artillery is hardly used at all.
Fun facts:
The enemy death toll is supposedly between 45-50 thousand. That is why we’re seeing less and less infantry attacks and more IED, suicide bomber shit. The new strategy is just simple: attrition.
The insurgent tactic most frustrating is their use of civilian non-combatants as cover. They know we do all we can to avoid civilian casualties and therefore schools, hospitals and especially Mosques are locations where they meet, stage for attacks, cache weapons, and ammo and flee to when engaged. They have absolutely no regard whatsoever for inflicting civilian casualties. They will terrorize locals and murder without hesitation anyone believed to be sympathetic to the Americans or the new Iraqi govt. Kidnapping of family members, especially children, is common to influence people they are trying to influence but can’t reach, such as local govt. officials, clerics, tribal leaders, etc.
The first things our guys are told is “don’t get captured”. They know that if captured they will be tortured and beheaded on the internet. Zarqawi openly offers bounties for anyone who brings him a live American serviceman. This motivates the criminal element who otherwise don’t give a shit about the war. A lot of the beheading victims were actually kidnapped by common criminals and sold to Zarqawi.
As such, for our guys, every fight is to the death. Surrender is not an option. The Iraqi’s are a mixed bag. Some fight well; others aren’t worth a damn. Most do okay with American support. Finding leaders is hard, but they are getting better.
It is widely viewed that Zarqawi’s use of suicide bombers, en masse, against the civilian population was a serious tactical mistake. Many Iraqi’s were galvanized and the caliber of recruits in the Army and the police forces went right up, along with their motivation. It also led to an exponential increase in good intel because the Iraqi’s are sick of the insurgent attacks against civilians. The Kurds are solidly pro-American and fearless fighters.
Morale:
According to Jordan, morale among our guys is very high. They not only believe that they are winning, but that they are winning decisively. They are stunned and dismayed by what they see in the American press, whom they almost universally view as against them. The embedded reporters are despised and distrusted. They are inflicting casualties at a
rate of 20-1 and then see shit like “Are we losing in Iraq” on TV and the print media.
For the most part, they are satisfied with their equipment, food, and leadership. Bottom line though, and they all say this, is that there are not enough guys there to drive the final stake through the heart of the insurgency, primarily because there aren’t enough troops in-theater to shut down the borders with Iran and Syria. The Iranians and the Syrians just can’t stand the thought of Iraq being an American ally (with, of course, permanent US bases there).
Frank Pickton
RRT Erbil/ DynCorp
HHB 2/3 FA 1-1 AD
FOB Warrior, Iraq
There is this email going around for the last 5 years or so, that tells you what the signs of a stroke are, or the one that tells you to cough when you are having a heart attack.
Do you get this email everyday?
I do…
It seems like I am the only one that has gotten this email from 150 people already.
Should I be worried, that there are 150 people worried that I am going to have a stroke or a heart attack?
I look at the thread of people that are on the “forward list” and there are like 1 or 2 or maybe 3.
Like I said, thanks for thinking about me when you forward the email, but after 150 times I get it. really.
for any of you healthy people out there who want to know what to look for when my face drops, or I cannot talk or when my arms go numb, and my tongue is swirling, here is what to do.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: S *Ask the individual to SMILE. T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (I.e. It is sunny out today.) R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. New Sign of a Stroke ——– Stick out Your Tongue NOTE: Another ’sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ’stick’ out his tongue. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other,that is also an indication of a stroke. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to Monty and 10 other people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
Long lines. People are too young. The place is full of drunken assholes.Everyone sings all the words to the songs while moving their head side to side. Every song is their favorite song. >shoot me now<
BUT< the number one reason is that no one sits down. They all stand up and waive their arms and dance. You have to stand with them or get trampled, or worse yet look at some fat ass in front of you al night.
I am going to the Black Eyed Peas concert because someone gave me the tickets.
I am having anxiety sweats over it…
Tell me why I am going again? I could be home playing the BEP’s on my 1000 watt “K” speakers. With No butts in my face. I can be sitting down too.
I swear it is the same assholes that stand up the whole game at a football game, or the people that turn around in the pew at church and shake your hand after they just went to the bathroom.
Yes, lent is stupid. There are enough reasons to stop yourself from doing things you want to do but know you should not.
You have new years resolutions, you have interventions, you have a mirror in your bathroom.
There are plenty of reasons to quit shit, so why do we need lent. There is some kind of religious significance, but like most of these things like not eating meat on Friday, they real reason just gets lost.
Lent is really like a retry.
If you quit something for new years and fail, you just RETRY at lent.
Think about it again. You have to agree that Lent is Stupid.
A 25 year old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them,
“Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
“Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account.”
“If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.
“However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”
All choked up at this point, the mother, who had remained silent until now, placed a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him,
The M-14:
