The Monty Minute

Nude Blonde at the beach

monty — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:25:23 +0000

No Nude blonde at the beach here, but to make a point, it is the keywords that make people go to your website.

Tag words that people type in so nude, blondes, fetish, big tits all will get people to your site.

I looked at my keyword summary for the Monty minute the other day and the most people that come to my site type in “ big Balls”
Go figure, I wrote a blog about bowling titled big balls or little balls, and this is the number one site on the blog.

so I need to know what sordid words sordid people type to catch their attention. big dick, pussy, redhead, hairy, amateur, Asian. wet tee shirt, voyeur, sweaty, sexy lingerie.
Maybe after all these key words, this will be the number one blog site. Why not? 10,000 people already typed in big balls and found the Monty minute.

Honesty is the worst policy

monty — Tue, 08 May 2012 18:14:47 +0000

What? Honesty is the best policy right? Wrong..

I am as honest a person as you will find, but honesty is not what people want to hear.

Honestly Monty I think you have lost your mind.

Seriously, honesty just causes problems. Think about it.

Does my ass look fat in these jeans? Go ahead and be HONEST

Does Mitt Romney come out and say I hate unions, blacks and redheaded woman? No way. He cannot ever be honest and be elected.

We live in a world of politically correct people. No one says what they mean or are thinking anymore, because they will be crucified. So, in reality, no one is being honest any more, everyone is disingenuous.

Honesty will just get you in trouble.

So, am I right, Honesty is not the best policy. Yuuup!

wicked tuna is wicked good

monty — Tue, 08 May 2012 17:37:21 +0000

Are you watching wicked tuna on Nat Geo? If not, you need to. especially if you are a fisherman, come from Massachusetts, or have a boat.

Wicked tuna is wicked good.

Do we all sound like that. Cliff Claven sounded stupid on Cheers, but that was a made up accent.

I know Marciano’s dad and sister. Good people.

retro vintage porn vs new age porn

monty — Fri, 04 May 2012 18:00:27 +0000

Here is the deal. Porn is here to stay. But it is so out of the closet and open, that it has lost its luster. There is no excitement in it any longer, because it is so readily available.

people have seen so much, they are just looking for something different.

This brings me to the old vintage porn vs the new age porn. Retro porn does not go that far back. There was a switch turned somewhere in the late eighties and the early nineties when all the woman started getting fake tits, tattoos and shaving their pubic hairs.

If that is new age porn, count me out. Bring me the good old days of sunburns, natural breasts and a full head of hair. Maybe just because it is different, or it brings me back to the good old days of Debbie does Dallas.

How do you feel about it.

When is the right time to start farting in front of your girlfriend?

monty — Fri, 04 May 2012 17:48:06 +0000

No time like the present. It is going down eventually.

The proper time depends on the girl, but anytime after you have slept with her, been on at least three dates, and generally don’t care if she picks up and leaves.

Farting in bed and in front of your wife, is part of the marriage vows.

The whole dutch oven thing is another story. There is no time table for when you can do that. In reality, it is just cruel. I have even given up on the event. I am more of a blast em and giggle kind of guy, or let em rip and lock the car doors and windows kind of guy.

There are no written standards, so start slow with your first one and say woops, it just fell out, guage the acceptance and pick up the pace until you are comfortable enough to just rip and giggle at any time.

idle sports thoughts today on may 4

monty — Fri, 04 May 2012 17:41:54 +0000

Mariano Rivera is done- I am sad. He was the BEST. He was a classy guy and it is not going out on his terms. I do not care about the Yankees or the Yankee fans, but I do feel awful for the player who was the best at what he did. No farewell tour. I hope he shows up in Boston soon. He will get a hero’s welcome from the fenway faithful
The Red Sox need to end this sellout streak. It is a fraud
I was shocked to hear the news about Junior Seau. Another classy guy. Suicide only hurts the people you leave behind sad…
Kentucky derby coming up. Still one of the favorite sporting events I have ever been to.
Rondo is a dope
Pierce Allan and Garnett. You need to all retire together. Soon!
Bruins out in seven. I saw it coming
good bye Tim Thomas. You sealed your fate when you would not go to the white house.
Patriots started the draft like champs, and then pulled the same crap as usual starting in the second round. Belechick just started making his F.U.to everybody picks. Tevon might work out, but it does not excuse wasting a mid round second round pick on him. He could have been had in the fifth round.
Poor Myra is barely in the ground, and now the Patriots are drafting derilicts and felons. She must have rolled over.
I bet I would like rugby if I understood it.
I barely understand soccer, but even if I did, I would not like it.
No time in my life to follow nascar any more.
Red Sox are done. whiners, and enabled spoiled ballplayers.
Valentine is doomed for failure.
I still do not agree with Franconas decision to enable and spoil those guys. He ruined it for any one that followed him. Fire the whole bunch of them and start over.

Monty Impersonator

monty — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 16:22:26 +0000

I joined the Weymouth Elks golf league, and There was already a Monty there. It seemed to be a point of confusion.

The league decided to rename the real MONTY (me) the Deuce. as in the second, or squared.

Is this fair?????

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waiting for the new Ipad

monty — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 12:58:02 +0000

I got to the Apple store in Hingham Ma this morning at 4:00 Am. I was not sure if I was the only nutbag or not. I would have been surprised if there was a big line in the middle of the night, but there was only one solitary guy already bundled up and waiting for his new Ipad 3.

While the workers were inside working and buzzing like worker bees in a hive, the line got longer, in anticipation of the opening of the doors at 9:00

I half expected a bouncer to start picking out the cool people and the pretty girls first to go in like they did in the old days at studio 54 in New York City.

This did not happen, but at about 7:00 they passed out vouchers for the the potential customers who were standing in the cold for hours.

Jill Goldstein from Stoughton holds up her coveted ducats and promissory notes from the apple staff.

I finally got my new ipad 3 and it was well worth the wait. This thing is awesome, and it has fantastic resolution.

I will share my review and pictures from the new ipad, when I have had a chance to play with it.

Hanover Custom Home for Sale

monty — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 00:10:33 +0000

Check out this unbelievable home for sale in Hanover.

WWW.54thornymeadow.com

Super deal in Hanover’s most prestigious neighborhood.

Is child birth painful?

monty — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 16:23:06 +0000

Myth or Legend?

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts?

Here is proof that they are wrong.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say
“it might be nice to have another kid”.

You never hear a guy say ” I would like another kick in the nuts”.

Case closed!!!!

Heidi Klum vs. Gisele Bunden

monty — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 21:24:35 +0000

I will let you be the judge.

All I know, that if I was Tom Brady, I would have hung onto Bridgette Moynihan.

Gisele is the highest grossing model in the world. She makes like $40,000,000 per year. She is nice, but I see nicer everyday on the street in the city.

Hedi Klum:

Gisele:

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Stupid people doing dumb stuff

monty — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 20:01:08 +0000

What are Yoga pants

monty — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:51:20 +0000

I wrote awhile back about what are mom jeans. It is one of my most popular links, because people just don’t know what they are:

MOM Jeans

Now I heard the other day that there is something called yoga pants. I know what yoga is, and I know what pants are, but I am befuddled over what yoga pants are.

I am told that the majority of woman in a gym wear yoga pants. I looked around and surveyed what they are wearing, and by God, they all do wear yoga pants. At least I think what they are wearing is what is known as yoga pants.

What are yoga pants?

They are stretchy I think, they go to the calf usually like Capri’s or peddle pushers. They show off your ass if you are thin, but expose your cellulite, if you are fat.

some people should not wear them

I wonder why woman just don’t wear shorts? or those tight bike shorts without the padding on the underside to protect your balls or the taint area.

Little book on golf

monty — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:34:44 +0000

Find the answers to the greatest questions in golf

Read my new book:

Table Of Contents

Chapter 1 – How to properly line up your Fourth putt.

Chapter 2 – How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Max Fli from the tee.

Chapter 3 – How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 – How to get more distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 – When to give the Ranger the finger.

Chapter 6 – Using your shadow on the Greens to maximize earnings.

Chapter 7 – When to implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 – Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to urinate behind a 4″ x 4″ post, … Undetected.

Chapter 10 – How to rationalize a 6 hour round.

Chapter 11 – How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12 – Why your spouse doesn’t care that you birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13 – How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.

Chapter 14 – How to relax when you are hitting Three off the Tee.

Chapter 15 – When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16 – God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

Chapter 17 – When to regrip your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 18 – Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.

Chapter 19 – Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.

Thank You!

Candle light vigil for Whitney Houston

monty — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 15:51:27 +0000

Patriots need to trade out of second round

monty — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:31:24 +0000

Here is why?

2008

Terrence Wheatley

Next: Passed on Jamal Charles

Shawn Crable

Next picks Antwan Mouldon

Early Doucet

3rd rd just for fun

Kevin O’Connell

next pick: Mario Manningham ( jesus)

2009

Pat Chung

Next pick: James Larenitas

Ron Brace/ Darius Butler ( sandwich picks)

Next: passed on Lesean McCoy

Sebastion Volhmer

Next pick: Sherrod Martin DB Houston

Brandon Tate ( 3rd, but check this out)

Next pick: Mike Wallace Pitt WR OMG!!! we could have had him???

2010

Gronk ( How did we get this lucky?)

Next pick Sergio Kindle

Brandon Spikes ( remember all his antics and injuries)

Next pick: Pat Angerer

Jermain Cunningham

Next pick: His classmate Carlos Dunlop ( who everyone said was 10 times better)

2011

Ras I Dowling

Next pick: Aaron Williams CB Buffalo

Shane Vereen

Next Pick: Torrey Smith

Other notable second rounders have been:

2007-none

2006- Chad Jackson ( Bust)

2005-None

2004-Marquis Hill ( never saw the field in the 4 years before he died)

2003 Eugene Wilson & Bethel Johnson

Let’s take these 2′s and either pick the right guy, or trade up into the first and get a decent player. We have a much better history in the 1st round. Sans Maroney and Merriwether.

Super Bowl Squares

monty — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 20:14:12 +0000

Click on the link below, to see your squares in a .pdf

CHECK YOUR NUMBERS HERE

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE DRAWING LIVE CHECK OUT THE YOUTUBE

GO PATRIOTS

!st Quarter
0 – hit 31 times, or 44 %
7 – 18 , 26%
3 – 15, 21%
4 – 5, 7%
6 – 1, 1%
1,2,5,8, and 9 have never appeared.

2nd Quarter
0 – 23, 33%
3 – 13, 19%
7 – 11, 16%
6 – 7, 10%
4 – 6,9%
8 – 3, 4%
1,2, and 9 have hit twice, or 3%
5 – 1, 1%

3rd Quarter
0 – 15, 21%
7 – 15, 21%
3 – 9, 13%
6 – 8, 11%
4 – 6, 9%
1 – 5, 7%
9 – 4, 6%
5, 8 have hit 3 times, or 4%
2 hit twice, or 3%

4th Quarter
7 – 14, 20%
0 – 10, 14%
6 – 10, 14%
4 – 9, 13%
1,3,9 hit 6 times, or 9%
5 – 4, 6%
2 – 3, 5%
8 – 2, 4%

so, you really want to get 0-0 or 7-3 or 0-7 . if you get like 2-1 or 2-2 0r 5-4 just hang yourself you are toast.

New York is America’s Rudest City

monty — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:37:46 +0000

The votes are in, and to nobody’s surprise, New York is America’s rudest city.

What is a surprise is that they consider it America at all. It is pretty tough to find an American in the city. Next to Miami, New York is the city that I find most foreign.

Seems like everybody you meet in the big apple is either a tourist, or from some other country. Take a cab, talk to a waiter, try to communicate with anybody at the hotel who is not at the front desk. Walk into a kitchen, or just stand in the middle of times square with a badge and yell immigration. The only thing left standing will be a few tourists from Nebraska, and some flashing lights.

My mom is from New York, and she always says that it has the nicest people any where. Sorry mom, you moved out 60 years ago, things have changed.

Travel & Leisure has named New York the rudest City in America AGAIN.

You want further proof, just go to the super Bowl in Indianapolis, and listen to the shenanigans of these hooligans. They travel rude too.

Go Patriots!

Travel & Leisure poll

Billy Cundiff

monty — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:05:12 +0000

Billy Cundiff Day in Boston

monty — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:39:26 +0000

The celebration and parade start tomorrow at City hall for Billy Cundiff, at noon.

Mayor Mennino said that he thinks the estimate of Loyal Patriots fans should be in the thousands.

The Parade will start at city hall. Billy will be alone on a duck boat. The duck boat will go left on School Street, then left on Washington, then left on State Street ending back at City Hall. It will be an endless series of Left Turns.

Join the many fans of the patriots and Billy Cundiff, for what should be a great celebration.

I still cannot believe that kick, That thing ( shank) was left of Ted Kennedy.